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Attraction

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by EhE5, Jun 3, 2010.

  1. EhE5

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    Just wondering about your views and experiences here. Can you actually find someone more physically attractive the more you get to know them?

    I started seeing someone and I really like his company... I don't feel crazy physical attraction the way I probably should, but I do like him on a more intimate level than a friend. That brings another question - am I actually interested in him or am I just liking the positive attention? I'm thinking it's the former, but I'm not sure. What I do know is that I've turned down guys I wasn't into in the past, so it's not like I'm jumping at the first guy who's shown interest.

    Unfortunately I fooled around with him before I got to figure all of that out, so it's all or nothing at this point. I want to give it another shot, but I'm afraid I won't "function" when we get intimate and I would really hate that. That happened with the first guy I was with, I simply wasn't attracted to him. I didn't feel anything for that guy though...
     
    #1 EhE5, Jun 3, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2010
  2. Lexington

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    I do think attraction can come later. Witness how many people here have fallen for their best friends - most of them didn't find them uber-hot when they first met them. :slight_smile:

    For myself, I can say that OBJECTIVELY, I don't think my partner is all that attractive. But I'm definitely ATTRACTED to him, because that's the package he comes in. Much like you might love Cheerios but not be all that crazy about yellow boxes. :slight_smile:

    You're right in saying that you probably shouldn't have gotten physical with him right away. It's hard to play the "I'd like to take this slow" card the day after you got the sheets sweaty with him. But perhaps you can ease off a bit. Make sure the dates are interactive and fun, and feel free to do some kissing at the end of the night. If he keeps nudging you towards the bedroom, well, it'll be up to you if you want to either go along with it, or tell him "not tonight".

    Lex
     
  3. concklin

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    you definitely can become more attracted to someone as you get to know them more.

    it was like that with my ex. i think i just thought he was cute when i first saw him. now i think he's ridiculously gorgeous. but based on his body type, you wouldn't think many people would feel that way about him. yet chicks seemed to love to try to steal him from me :lol:

    (and no, that's not why he's my ex lol)
     
  4. EhE5

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    Well that's pretty encouraging, I hope it works out the same way for me. I think. The problem is I already pulled the "not tonight" card... doing it once again would probably not be so good for his ego and neither would honesty, obviously. I don't want him to think there's anything wrong, though at the same time I also don't want him to get his hopes up.

    He called me a few minutes after I made this thread, it looks like we're going on another date in a few days and I'm a little nervous. I really should have waited, this guy seems like he could be worth it.
     
  5. Lexington

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    You can always bring him aboard. You don't have to go into detail about "I'm not sure I'm all that attracted to you", but perhaps you can say something like "I do like you quite a bit, but I'm wondering if I made a mistake jumping straight to the bedroom with you. I actually wanted to give this thing a chance to grow first, and now I feel like that part is way ahead of the rest."

    Lex
     
  6. EhE5

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    Hmm that's a good idea. Thanks.
     
  7. Narly

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    Hi EhE5,

    I can't relate when it comes to having an actual relationship with someone (I'm still in the closet). But when it comes to getting to know someone better, I find that it's definitely possible to view them as increasingly more attractive.

    I met one of my good friends in my first year of college. At the time I didn't find him physically attractive at all. But over the years he became very good-looking to me, even though his physical appearance had hardly changed.

    Emotions play a huge role in how you view someone. In my opinion, that's the only thing that should matter anyway. They won't be good-looking forever, gotta have something that'll last.

    I agree with Lexington, you need to be honest with him first.
     
  8. malachite

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    while physically attraction might get the phone ringing, if there is no substance, an emotion, connection then your relationship is nothing but fit of lust.

    While I love look at hot guys, I need some sort of connection with them to have a realtionship.
     
  9. RaRa

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    You can tell when you're physically attracted to someone when you first see them, but I also believe physical attraction can also develop as you get to know someone. That's how it was with my crush, I didn't start thinking he was hot until I knew him for like 3 to 4 years.

    That's how I see it...
     
  10. TheEdend

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    Yep :slight_smile: I actually didn't find my bf physically attractive at the beginning,but then I pretty much fell in love with him and now just kissing him turns me on xD he became sooo hot in my eyes haha :slight_smile:)
     
  11. Chandra

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    Agreed with all of the above. Attraction for me is about 75% personality and attitude. There has to be some level of physical attraction, but I don't find someone truly beautiful unless they're beautiful on the inside.
     
  12. x2x2x2x2y2

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    It's def possible. I never thought it was till I experienced it. Personality makes up a lot of the attraction for me.
     
  13. Katherine

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    It's definitely possible. When I first met my current girlfriend, I didn't find her physically attractive at all, to be honest.

    But once I started to get to know her and fall in love with her personality, I started noticing a ton of little things about her appearance that I loved, too. Like her soft skin, and her smile, and her eyes.... I love her body, I love her face, I love her hair...and I wouldn't want to change any of it.

    Really, though, it's the entire person that matters, not just one part of them. If you fall in love with someone's personality, the appearance just goes with it. And eventually you fall in love with that, too. That's how it worked for me, anyway.
     
  14. booby

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    in my case , the better you know them , the uglier they get (not just physcially) LMAO
     
  15. Mind Freak

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    Normally I'll find someone cute in the beginning and as I get to know them more I typically end up finding them more or less attractive depending on if they're nice or funny stuff like that. If you have positive personality traits I'll find you (and by you I mean a person) more attractive after knowing you.