I want to come out, why am I so damn scared

face your fears. that's what we're all doing here. Welcome to EC!

You're making a step in the right direction by posting here and looking for help. You need to try and accept yourself for who you are before you start coming out
it will make the process a lot easier for you. It seems difficult because you're thinking about it too much. You just gotta take a chance and say to someone that you're gay.

 

Hi there and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place.

You're going through what virtually all of us have gone through. It's quite natural for you to feel the way you're feeling. It's quite natural for you to have taken the approach that you have in the past as well. And finally, it's also natural that you can't tollerate living in that lie any longer. We all reach that point at some time in our lives.

The first step is to accept this for yourself. Accept that you're gay, and get OK with that. You don't need to tell anyone yet - but just accept that you're gay. Hanging out here will help. We're all pretty awesome and friendly, and by hanging out here you'll start to really see that 'gay' can also go with 'awesome' and 'friendly'. 'Gay' doesn't have to be a bad word.

Once you're cool with it, you'll reach a point where you're ready to tell other people about it. And it's never easy, but it does get easier. So give it time. You're on the right path. It might take you a few days, it might take you a few years. But you're heading in the right direction.

Again - welcome. I hope you find this site as helpful as I did when I first found it 3 years ago.

 

Hi, and welcome to EC! I hope we can help you to find just that bit of extra courage you need to come out!

To be afraid to come out is perfectly normal. If you have a good relationship with people, it's normal that you try to shy away from everything that could change that, even if there's no indication that they would react badly.
But the bad thing is that you're effectively keeping all your own hopes and dreams on hold, sacrificing them to keep a status quo going. It's hardly surprising that smothering yourself leads to panic attacks. By the time I came out (at 25), I wasn't quite at the panic attack stage, but I'm thinking I would have gotten there soon enough.

Now, there's several things that can help you to get closer to coming out.

One of the first things I'd advise to anyone is writing down what you want to tell people in a letter. I'm not saying you should give that letter to them, or read it out loud, but see it as a "dress rehearsal". There's several great examples of letters in the "resources" section on this site.
Suggestions about what you could say are:
- You're gay, and you're competely sure of this.
- You're telling them this because you care for them, and want to be honest with them
- This doesn't mean that you're unhappy. In fact, you're looking forward to living your life openly
- Telling them you want to tell others at your own pace. Or, alternatively which people they are allowed to tell, if you want them to tell others

Writing it out helps in visualising what you want to tell them. And if you feel like giving them a letter is easier, it might be best to just give them the letter and then letting them come back to you with questions. I never used my own letter, but I found it invaluable in making coming-out more concrete.

Also, practice makes perfect. Try saying it out loud when you're alone. Try to picture your sister and say out loud "I have to tell you something. I'm gay!" It might feel strange the first time you say it, but a bit of practice really helps.

And finally, planning is key. If you're trying to do it in the spur of the moment, it's easier to chicken out at the last moment. It really helps if you know in advance that you'll have a moment alone, and resolve to come out at that time. Knowing in advance makes it easier to steer the conversation towards the topic.

And, of course, reading and posting here can help too. Read some more coming-out stories and see how people coming from the same situation found acceptance and how much better they're feeling. And remind yourself that soon enough, you'll be one of them!

I hope this helps a bit...

 

Hi,

Only been a member here myself a couple of day's and i am currently in a similar situation, Known for age's, lots of confusion now 25 and no one knows. Although i am not exactly a fountain of knowledge on coming out. Certainly try writing some stuff down, perhaps a draft letter, doing similar and i am finding it helpful. Anyway i know where your coming from, best of luck.

 

Welcome Dykezz,

I know exactly what you're going through. Been there, done that, ended up in A&E with a full blown panic attack because I couldn't handle the stress and the emotional roller coaster anymore.
Take a deep breath and take your time. It might be a rough time ahead and it might not look like it now, but things will get better.
Good luck and I hope you find some support on EC.

 

Congrats! (&&&)

 

Well done! :eusa_clap

 

Hey welcome to EC

 

congratulations!!!

That was a biggie!

 

Just remember how long it took you to get used to the idea- it will take your sister time but she will come around. (*hug*) Just give it time.

 

Hopefully, she'll soon realize you're the same person you've always been and get over it. It certainly takes more time with some than with others.

Give her time.

 

Hang in there girl, give her some time to get used to the idea. She'll come around.

 

That's so great to hear! Congratulations on taking your first big step to freedom. I know exactly what you mean when you said, "Wow this feels so weird. After holding it in for so long its so weird to be out to someone". I felt the exact same way, almost like being reborn or like you're walking around with no clothes on...like way too open. :eusa_danc

 

As others have said give her time, but try bringing up conversations you had before you had 'that' conversation, it might help her to see that nothing has changed, your still the same person you where the day before just a little more open. Might help her find back to normal (what ever that is) a bit sooner.

 

You have to tell them. You can;t squander away your life: you're already 25 !!

You'll be so much happier once you tell them, I promise. My Dad and step-mom took it slightly terribly (being hard core Christians, and ignoring the scientific proof that homosexuality is innate and NOT a choice) but after 4 weeks everything was back to normal.

so, what if ti it awkward for. . . 4, 5, 6 weeks? So what! After that time, the sun will still rise and so will the moon, and you'll be free.

 

coming out is hard and scary. I'd be more worried if you weren't nervious. You're scared because you're human. However, your situation won't change until you take that first step. Try looking in the mirror at yourself and saying, "I'm gay." it helped me.