coming out to ONE parent at a time

Telling one parent before another can be very difficult for all parties involved. I tried something similar, only with my mom first and not my dad. When I came out to my mom, I asked her not to tell my father. She did. I think it can be hard for parents to keep secrets from each other, especially about their children.

Then, in your situation, you said your mom is very sensitive. She could very well feel this is insulting, or hurtful, if you tried to keep it from her, if only initially. She might see it as you not trusting her, or not loving her as much as your father. You probably don't mean it this way, but she might see it this way.

My guess is that you coming out to your father before the other has a lot of potential to cause problems. I think you should weigh the risk against the concerns and possible benefits before deciding on what course of action to take. It's rough, but hang in there.

Good luck.

 

how about a letter addressed to both of them that way they find out at the same time without you having to actually sit down and tell them. It would be better if you gave them the letter and sat down and waited for them to finish the letter but its not absolutely neccasary you could just give it to them and then go to you room or something. just a thought.

 

I came out to my parents seprately. Actually my mom sort of outed me to my dad. I told my mom, and she was in shock. Then she asked me who was going to tell my dad, and I said WE will do it, and I asked her if WE wanted to do it today or tommorow and she said tommorow. So I work up the next day, and she had told him. That isnt exactaly how I wanted it to happen, but I guess it did save me one awk moment. Actually, I should have told my dad first, to my suprise, he is the more supportive one. The reason why I came out to them one at a time, was because I couldnt stomach doing it at the same time. If you dont feel that you cant tell them both, tell one and then the other. But, explain to the other one that yo couldnt handle telling two people at a time, or the 2nd parent doesnt even need to know that they are the second parent. Anyway, good luck with this all.
-Bryan
PS- DO NOT come out online, bad idea, I know from personal experience, just tell them in person, it may be hard, but it is the best and most affective way

 

I actually had a similar situation happen to me. My step-father was extremely understanding and supportive, saying he still viewed me as being the same person when he found out. My mom on the other hand was an emotional roller coaster, and still is (only been a few days since she found out.) I'm actually glad for it, because when I'm not around my mom gets to talk to my step-father about it, and he helps comfort her and I think eventually will be great at getting her into some type of understanding an acceptance.

On the other hand it did happen differently, I told my mom first and she went and told my step-father after she couldn't stop crying and felt like she couldn't hide what was wrong from him.

It might be tough to sit them both down, but maybe you can tell them separately but at two consecutive times? Meaning, tell your dad first, make sure he DOES react the way you think he will (maybe go out to lunch with him or something along those lines to make sure noone walks in while you're talking about it - made that mistake here as well.) Afterwards, you can sit down and tell them both together as though your dad doesn't already know. If he's understanding it might be a good thing if he is there to comfort your mom if you think she's going to be emotional about things. Good luck, and keep us all updated on what happens.

 

Well I came out to my first and then my dad, and it worked at well as I could have expected I guess. Both of my parents are the react and then think types, but my dad reacts worse. And I guess coming out to them both would be too difficult, though there was only a month or two in between the times I told them.
I recommend writing a letter. Especially to your mom, with a letter they have to read the whole thing might make her consider her actions. And if you tell him first, maybe he can help you with your mom.
Good luck!

 

I made a thread like this a while ago, hee is the link http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2825&highlight=telling+parent
I think you should tell them both at once. It seems unfair to ask them to keep secrets from each other, but thats just my opinion.

 

Life would be easier if parents just asked you... but what fun would life be if it was easy? You are probably the best person to judge how your parents will react. I think a letter might be a good idea if you think your mom will be very emotional when she first finds out. That way she can have time to process it. Good luck with everything!

 

Good luck, pianoguy. I think the letter idea might be a good route, since you'll be able to tell them both in your own way at the same time. Any idea how soon you're going to do it?

You said you wish they would just ask you, huh? Wouldn't that be awkward all on its own? Perhaps you aren't as obvious as you think? Or maybe (from your pic you look high school age) they think you're still a bit young and just haven't found a girlfriend yet?

 

When I came out to my mom, there was no question that I would tell her, and only her, first.

She kept my secret for three years, when I decided to tell my dad. She was with me and offered much support. I was more afraid of his reaction, but he was fine with it. I don't know if she told him how long she'd known. Probably

Anyway, it all worked out well for me... This is how it needed to happen for me, I think.

 

Good luck I hope it goes well when you decide to do it