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cracking under pressure

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by x2x2x2x2y2, Jun 5, 2010.

  1. x2x2x2x2y2

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    I've been feeling so much pressure lately to figure out my future. Everyone around me is always talking about how I should be doing something with my life. I can't say that I disagree, but I just don't think they understand.

    Here's my story: I've NEVER liked school. I never really cared about graduating. Being honest, I know I'm somewhat smart, I don't want to work my ass off to get a piece of paper to prove it to everyone(sorry if I sound like a total ass, but it's the truth).

    I don't like people much, not to mention most teenagers are super ignorant. So in my freshman year of high school, I left my school and started going to this program called Alternative Studies(or something like that). You either go on a slower or faster pace then regular school, depending on however much work you decide to do at a time. I didn't do much work there and stopped doing it late last year/early this year, which is my junior year. Credit wise, I was considered a sophmore.

    I stopped going because I wanted to take this test called the CHSPE, which is almost like a GED test. Basically, I take it, and if I pass, I get something equivalent to a diploma. So this was my plan. The test can only be taken three times a year(March, June, and October). It costs like a hundred dollars though. I wasn't able to take the March test(didn't have my I.D.) so now I was planning on taking the June test. There's only about two and a half weeks left till the test and I haven't even signed up yet. As I get closer and closer, I find myself not wanting to take it.

    I'm at a point in my life where I just wanna have fun. I'm coming out and I'm able to be myself. I feel free and I feel that studying for the test takes that away. Not all of it, but a big enough portion. I've never let myself let go and have fun before now.

    I know I should've started studying for the test a long time ago, but I was stupid. So now I have two weeks to study for a test that I don't wanna take. I'm thinking of waiting and taking the October test instead.

    In the meantime, I want to get a job but legally I can't. Apparently, drop outs can't get jobs till they turn 18.

    Then there's school. For the past few weeks, I've considered going back into the Alternative Studies program. I want to work my ass off and get all my credits. This seems like something that's more of a spur of the moment thing. I think that eventually I would end up slacking off again. But thinking logically, it would probably nearly impossible to get three years worth of credit in one year, no matter how much work I make myself do. So, if I go this route, I would probably end up graduating high school a year later then I would be if I had gone the traditional route.

    If I could do what I wanted, I would let go of school completely and get a job. I know I may sound completely crazy considering where I am now, but I've always felt that I wasn't meant for something small. In my heart, I feel that I'm meant for bigger things. Whether it's something like inventing something or being an actor or writing a book, I just always felt that I wasn't meant to be that person that has that minimum wage job and isn't very happy(Yeah, I know someone could be happy with a minimum wage job, but I don't think that I could). Even if I start off with some small job, I just believe that I'll end up somewhere bigger.

    So overall I think my life is a complete mess. Everyone looking down on me(and for good reason), and myself trying to choose between doing what is logical and what I feel in my heart.

    My heart is telling me to let go of school, move to a big city, get a small job, and wait for something big to happen to me. I just don't want to be like everyone else around here and let go of my dreams to be a waiter or work in some small crapped up office.

    So here is the routes I can take:

    #1: Take the test in June. If I fail, take it again in October.

    #2: Wait to take the test in October. If I start studying early enough, I'm 100% sure I will pass

    #3: Go back to alternative studies program and finish school a year later then I normally would(If I stick to actually working on it).

    #4: Completely stop worrying about school and wait till I'm 18 so I can move to a big city and get a job.

    #5: Go crazy. Oh wait, too late. :dry:


    P.S. If you read all of this, thank you!! I'm pretty sure this is the longest post I've ever made.
     
    #1 x2x2x2x2y2, Jun 5, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2010
  2. Paragon

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    I agree in alot of aspects to your situation, i hate school, though more for the social side than the educational side.
    and "teenagers are super ignorant" i completely agree.

    Unfortunately im not qualified to give you advice, as i have my biggest exams of school life so far in less than a week, i was suppose to be studying for months, but i havent studied at all, im awesome like that (not).

    all i can do is wish you luck in whatever you choose to do, you seem like you have lots of determination and drive, but you just dont know where to apply it
     
  3. Chip

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    Take the test in June. Otherwise, you'll be doing the same thing when October rolls around... putting off studying till the last minute.

    Someone (preferably your parents) should be encouraging you and helping you to get motivated to do something; at 16, you still need someone to help you make decisions because, quite frankly, many 16 year olds are sort of lazy and have no motivation to educate themselves... but without even a high school diploma, your options in life will be very limited, and, quite frankly, the pattern you begin to set at 16 of not even bothering to finish high school is not going to be a healthy pattern that will help you through life.

    If you're having problems with depression or lack of motivation, then get help with that. There are resources for free therapy for people under 18 in California if you can show a need, and I think you would probalby qualify.

    You're an intelligent guy and you shouldn't just be sitting around doing very little. It's frankly sort of irresponsible for your parents to just sit back and allow that to happen, so if they aren't going to help you and provide the level of support and guidance you need, you may need to just take it upon yourself to develop the focus and motivation to be successful.

    I hope that helps.
     
  4. x2x2x2x2y2

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    But what if I fail?? Two weeks isn't nearly enough time to study. And I don't wanna make my mom shell out $100 to take it now, then again in october.
     
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there! I would stop worrying about failing the test. Instead, just concentrate on trying your best. Study for it and take it in June. If you don't pass it at least you have tried it and know what you need to do for October. :slight_smile:

    How much time do you have to study for the test? How much do you have to study for it?
     
  6. Gambit

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    I think you should take it. If you fail it, at least you will know what to expect the next time you take the test. It will also give you an idea of what subjects you need to study more or what skills you need to improve. Besides, $200 dollars is a small cost compared to the benefits that the diploma could give you, like getting a better job.
     
  7. Chip

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    You're a smart guy, and it's a test on basic high school literacy. It's not like you're taking the SAT; this test is designed to determine whether you have the knowledge of an average high school student. Given the pitiful state of education in the US, it really isn't going to be that difficult.

    And, as Mirko said... quit putting so much energy on the idea you might fail. Instead, believe in yourself, and believe that you can pass... and put in some effort getting ready for it.
     
  8. x2x2x2x2y2

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    Thanks everyone. I've decided to study and take the test in June. I believe I can pass if I really work on it.


    I take the test on June 19th, so I have till then to study. It only tests English and Math. I'm pretty certain I'll pass the English part without studying, so I'd rather focus my time on the Math secton. It tests the basics of Algebra and Geometry; I've taken Algebra classes but never Geometry. Plus, a lot of the Algebra that I studied, I've forgotten. I have a book meant to help prepare me for the test, and I also have Geometry and Algebra text books from when I went to school.
     
  9. Jim1454

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    Someone needs a reality check.

    We all 'hope' that there are great or big things in store for us. And possibly there are. But you need to have a 'plan B'. And that involves having some formal education behind you and a 'career' of some kind in mind.

    So I would suggest doing whatever you think you need to do to get your high school diploma.
     
  10. Mirko

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    :thumbsup: Remember, try your best and concentrate on trying your best. Sometimes, alone that will help you to gain the motivation to study and also to succeed.

    Okay, so you have roughly two weeks to prepare and get ready. Get yourself a calendar and create a study schedule, where you study/review Algebra, Geometry and English. For each day, write down what you are going to study. Two days before the test, leave some room for beginning to review the material that you have studied up to that point.

    Given that you feel confident about the English part and are familiar with the Algebra classes, start with the Geometry. Start by going through the book that is meant to help you to prepare for the test and have a look at the Geometry section. Then open your other Geometry textbooks that you have and have a look at them as well.

    Now, for the Algebra, given that you have already studied it before, once you start going through the Algebra text some of the stuff you have learned will come back. Try to do a few review examples. Start with examples where you feel you can complete them without having to do too much review. This will help you to build up your confidence and motivation.

    The same goes for the Geometry. Start going through the book(s) and once you have completed reading through a chapter or a couple of chapters and perhaps taken some notes, start doing some examples, or answer some of the questions. Start with the first couple of sets of questions and then work your way through some of the harder ones. If you come across something that you don't understand or feel you are missing something, go back to the relevant chapter and re-read it.

    Also, have a look through the English part. Make sure that you are really prepared for it. In a couple of days, start with reviewing some of the English material to refresh your memory. It is always better to do some review than thinking 'I'm going to be ready for it' only to find out that it might not be as 'easy' as you thought it would be.

    Hope it goes well for you! Good luck!