I'd like to think of myself as a fairly religious guy. I used to go to church every week for over ten years (back home) but I'm not one of the stereotypical Bible Belt Christians that have been brainwashed into thinking that being gay is wrong. I pray daily and I'm getting things straightened out to not fall into the 'traps' for my age. I know that there's nothing wrong with homosexuality and God loves us all no matter what so that doesn't bother me in the least. What does is the thought of having sex before marriage. As much as I would want to succumb to that in a relationship, I wonder what may or may not happen as a result. If I decide to do so it will provide another facet of intimacy which isn't a bad thing. If I don't then it would make things weird and I would be faced (more than likely) with problems that would end a relationship. My biggest fear is turning into one of those type of people that don't practice what they preach (not that I try to 'convert' people). My goal with my sexuality is to be who I am, love who I'm destined to be with (haven't met him yet...) and live a long, healthy life with a loving group of people. If it were only that easy... For those that believe in a religion or are Christian, how do you approach the questions of sex to your partner prior to marriage/domestic partnership? Do you think God would penalize those who were in a relationship, openly gay and unallowed to marry? (I personally think He wouldn't). And what do you do to feel as though it is fine to have the monogamy in a relationship, be out to the world and have a healthy sex life? Sorry if the question is a pile of contradictions but I'm just wondering what everyone's thoughts are on the subject. Thanks for any input.
I'm not sure I have an opinion on the specific subject. I didn't wait for marriage, but I wasn't particularly religious. I'm more religious now than I was before. But what I would say is that you shouldn't (ever) feel like you have to comprimise your principles for a boyfriend. If you are the way you are, I would say that there's likely at least one other gay man out there with a similar outlook on life who feels the same way you do on this subject. The trick will be finding him. But God works in mysterious and powerful ways, and I expect that He'll play a part in bringing you both together. I'm confident that He was involved in bringing my boyfriend and I together. Good luck!
well marrige is basically you saying to the world "this person is my partner and we will say together no matter what because wwe love each other" and that is what is sacred, the coupling between two beings and sex is meant to be a physical expresssion between you and that other person, so the sex before marrige thing is basically saying "WAIT for that special person you are SURE you are meant to be with" so it really doesn't matter if you have a few fancy bits of metal on your bodies or have dragged everyone into some god forsaken corner of the country to get drunk and watch you smootch your partner, if you have found that person and both of you are consenting and serious, then hell make do what it says in "the next go round" by nickleback.
Sounds like good advice. I've gotten this far for a reason and I'm hoping that searching for him will be worth it.
I see what you mean. By waiting it will be better because it'll be a better experience and I'll feel better for perserving myself and stay true to religion and the relationship. The hard part for me wiill be navigating through the men and finding a good one who shares my values. How would I bring that topic up by the way?
well you could just try and be blunt about it, like if your bf rolls over and his hands start wandering say something like "wait I want to be sure your the right one" and don't go the full way with said person adn if they reply with something along the lines of "your not sure of our love?" reply with something like "I know we love each other but I want to be super duper sure" really I don't know being too young for those kinds of shennanigans but that's how I'd do it
It seems to me that you'll likely be getting to know one another and the topic of religion could likely come up. Ideally you'd meet him at your place of worship - hoping you find one that is gay-friendly. If that is the case you'll likely be on the same page to start with. It certainly doesn't need to be something that is discussed the first time you have a coffee together, but it will likely be something you can talk about fairly early on in a relationship so there aren't any false expecations on his part. Worry about crossing that bridge when you get to it though. Good luck!
Nice metaphor. I'm still in the city, up in the hills looking down at the traffic surrounding the bridge. I have a looooooooong way to go. I can find a gay friendly church when I move (I know that there aren't any around here). Gay groups aren't necessarily the way to go with this problem I think so sticking to a place of worship wins. I wouldn't have thought of it from that perspective. That would be a nice start to finding someone nice for me. Thanks again for the help Jim (or would it be Mr. Jim? My mom always taught me to call people older than me by their respective prefix). It's going to help me go in the right direction with meeting good guys.
This is gonna sound a bit nasty, so I want to make it clear that I'm not saying you're wrong to want to wait till you're in a serious, long-term (hopefully permanent), committed relationship till you have sex; rather, I'm saying there's a specific consequence of that choice you should be aware of: People you really, really like, people who might otherwise be willing to be in a serious, long-term, committed relationship with you, are going to either leave you or refuse to date you because of this. Since you want someone who shares your beliefs, you may not see this as a bad thing, but I think you should be aware that it's likely, and that when/if it happens, it doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you (some may even love you). It just means that sex (which is to a lot of people, myself included, part and parcel of being an affectionate boy/girlfriend) is important to some people, hugely so. I personally would be almost as unwilling to date someone who wasn't going to have sex with me until we'd made some serious commitments as I would be unwilling to date someone who wouldn't hug or kiss me until we'd made serious commitments (and there are people who won't, mainly in the ultra-conservative, anti-sex strains of evangelical Christianity). So it's definitely something you'll want to bring up pretty early, and it's definitely something that may create hurt feelings on both sides. You'll also want to make it very clear that this isn't a debatable position, otherwise you may end up with someone who'll try to wear you down or otherwise persuade you. Also, if your pastor's gay-friendly (and I assume s/he is based on your posts), this is exactly the sort of question s/he's trained to help you with.
It may be hard to find somebody who agrees with your views, but it's not impossible so don't sacrifice your beliefs because of that. Marriage is about devoting your life to a single person and I think you can do that without actually getting married, especially if the law doesn't permit it. If you feel that it's wrong, if you don't want to have premarital sex, then don't do it. (or sex prior to domestic partnership/civil union) You'll have to draw a line somewhere and let your partner know about it. Maybe it's weird that I'm saying this since I'm not religious, but I don't think God would punish us because we don't have the opportunity to get married and we still want a healthy relationship and intimacy.. I guess it's okay in His book as long as you're truthful and exclusive with the partner you love. Marriage is made up by humans anyway and God won't penalize you for love.
This might help or might not. I'm looking into going to a Unitarian Universalist Church. They are welcoming to all types of people including the LGBT population and on their website they specifically say what congregations are geared to opening their arms to LGBT people. It might not be what you are looking for but it is a shot.
I'm a little bewildered by the "saving myself for marriage" crowd. Not those that well and truly practice it, but those who do the "obey the letter but not the spirit" thing. Apparently, there are straight couples who feel free to have oral sex and even anal sex before marriage, but still feel "I'm saving myself for marriage". Really? How far does this go? "I've sent out the invites for the pre-wedding orgy. The guests should be here by eight, and I'm expecting a delivery of sex toys at seven. I plan on being chained up on the table from ten until midnight, but make sure nobody penetrates me vaginally." Yeah, I'm sure God's totally cool with that. You don't appear to be in this group. You seem more interested in following the spirit of the law. To wit, "let's not get intimate until we make a commitment". And I certainly don't think anything is wrong with that. The real question, of course, becomes "what constitutes a commitment?" Do you need a ceremony, or some sort of official marking of some kind? Or if you've dated for three/six/nine months exclusively, can you assume the commitment's been made? My main thought is to keep mulling it over, but don't make any hard and fast rules until you get into a real-life situation. Well, OK, if you definitely don't want to go to bed on the first date, feel free to keep that rule firm. But it's probably something you're going to want to decide together, rather than deciding beforehand and then forcing him to accept. Lex
That's true. At some point with people in relationships that are not married it feels like it so a piece of paper announcing a marriage wouldn't mean much. I agree with the monogamous view as well, as long as two people are in a healthy relationship I don't think we would be condemned. Those who put the laws against us will have some explaining to do.
That brings up another issue. How many months does a couple of the same sex have to be in a relationship before they would think of getting hitched? I'll have to wait for the right guy to come along to discuss that with him but I'm more than sure that there are other ways of expressing intimacy besides the first thing that comes to mind. Still not sure on how to discuss it but that's fine with me. I've got to go fishing in the sea first before talking about such an intimate (no pun intended) topic.
I consider myself to be fairly religious and when I was a lot younger I was planning on "saving myself for marriage" however, my thoughts on this subject have changed. While, I am still a virgin in all senses of the word, I don't plan on being a virgin when I make a commitment to someone. I think that since sex is an important part of a relationship that couples should engage in some type of physical intimacy, just as couples should engage in intimate conversations as well in the getting to know eachother on a deeper level process. I don't think there is anything wrong with sleeping with someone before marriage in the Christian way because I don't think the Bible should be taken at face value, if people were to obey everything in it, the world would be a lot different.
I really wonder how God thinks we should have interpreted the Bible because I'm sure things have changed. It was written in a time where if one didn't follow the cultural taboos they would be given harsh punishment, or even worse. The only parts of the Bible I know to be true are the ones where He speaks directly. All of the other portions and topics (Sodom and Gamorrah, which has been used in twisting the minds of people for centuries) are left for the minds of people to debate. It sucks that it is all we have to rely on because the way He treated others was with nothing but love and acceptance (I'd love to be a fly on the wall for some people's Judgment Day :eek so why are some organizations so unwilling to even read what they read to inform people of the truth? Most people who are homophobic are either too afraid with their one dimensional views of the world or closeted themselves and I think in a time where The Big Guy was around, sexuality wasn't a big deal at all. I also believe that sex before marriage would be fine to Him as long as He knows that the people are happy and knows that their intentions are good. My thoughts before posting this thread to now have changed. When God created those who would become a part of our community, I think he had the same goals in mind as heterosexuals. We're all the same in his eye and we shouldn't have to think any less of ourselves because of circumstance (ignorant people). So, with that said, I'm going to keep the thought of finding a good guy in mind and before a relationship begins I'll have to see what he thinks about the issue.
>>>That brings up another issue. How many months does a couple of the same sex have to be in a relationship before they would think of getting hitched? Tough to say. It's tempting to think that "the longer you date before getting 'hitched', the stronger the bond is". But I know not one but two couples who dated for seven years before getting married...and both marriages ended within eighteen months. I guess the right answer is "when they both feel ready to take that step". Lex
This may sound like something off the wall with a topic like this but I thought it would be my best solution. With matchmaking, people can be set up to talk to those that are the person's type given a set of "restrictions" and/or wants. I would not want to answer the question "Where'd you meet....." by a matchmaker (it sounds like an insult to my pride) but because of what I stand for and what I want out of a relationship, I've summed up that going with a matchmaker with the thought of no sex before marriage in mind might just do the trick. Would that be the best of both worlds or would it only add to more problems?
