When I was twelve, I told my dad that I'm bisexual. I was 100% sure of this, and it didn't strike me as something I should keep from him. He laughed it off and made some condescending comment about how I couldn't possibly know. Six years later (read:yesterday), he suddenly asks me: "remember when you told me you were bisexual? Are you?" I said no as a knee-jerk response. (Why I have that response, I really don't know.) But afterward, I started obsessing over it. By the time I was sixteen, I'd come out to four people as bisexual. I haven't come out to anyone since, partially because I don't know if the label fits. (Is there a word for being sexually attracted to men and women but having zero desire for sex? It's not quite asexuality or bisexuality, but some kind of weird middle.) But for some reason I really want to be able to come out to my dad again. I don't know why--I don't like him very much, we're not close, he's going to be patronizing and probably closed-minded about it--but I really want to be able to. But there are still two problems with this. Namely: what would I come out as? And is this even a good idea? Any advice would be very much appreciated. :icon_sad:
That's a tough one, and one of those strange and awkward positions that people have made up new labels for. If we're being technical, probably the term would be biromantic asexual, but that's a bit of a mouthful to come out as, especially when you'll probably have to explain that anyway. I say just tell him what you told us, really.
"Hey dad? Remember when I said I wasn't bisexual? Well, I'm not straight." If he follows up with a "what are you then," you could just say, "I'm not sure what to call it, but I'm for sure not straight."
I think you are right to question coming out because you are still struggling with it yourself - there isn't an expiration date to coming out, do it when you know and so when close minded people ask you or question you will stand behind you're definition of what you are gay/bi/whatever.
I'd probably wait if I were you - my guess is you won't always feel this mixture of asexual/bisexual and will slowly learn what you truly are. I know that's me just ASSUMING, but teen years can be confusing and maybe by the time you're 17, 18, 19, 20, you will have a stronger understanding...it would be bad to come out as "gay" or "bi" or "straight" and then later realize you're not - I'd assume it would be very hard to come out as gay and then later tell people you're straight.
When I was a lot younger, I started calling myself bisexual (though nowhere near comfortable to tell others - I mean, this was 8th grade and I only came out to people this March ). However, even though I knew I liked boys and girls, I had no desire to pursue sexual relationships when I got older either. I had a strong hatred for all of humanity in general when it came to matters of the heart. It took two failed heterosexual relationships for me to realise that my Kinsey rating was a little higher than I wanted to believe. It worked out in the end when I targeted a guy in one of my classes during Freshman year of college and ended up starting a relationship with him. My point is just that you might not know exactly what your preference is because you might not be sexually attracted to any specific gender or sex, but you might find the one person out there to whom you really are attracted, like me. Kind of like that "Only gay for this person" thing Hope that helped somehow, lol.
some prefixes say WHO you're attracted to (homo hetero bi a) but some say how MUCH you're attracted to them demi: only a romantic partner A: not at all hyper: lot's and lot's There's one prefix which means ''only a small amount'' ... i THINK it starts with the letter H but i forget what it's called. Try looking it up. Tell him you're H___-bisexual then explain what that means or go with ''demi-bisexual'' although that doesn't really mean the same thing PS I'm in the gray area between asexual and gay so I understand your pain lmao.
I don't think the 'sex' has anything to do with it. I think you can still say your bisexual. Or maybe just say your 'Bi' and explain to him that your just not interested in sex. You're attracted to the gender but not the sexual aspect of it. Also, it seems to me that because your Dad was so patronizing and then you lost your chance to tell him you have a drive for it. It's a psycological thing. You want to come back and say 'Thanks Dad. I really needed you when I was 12 and you laughed at me. By the way. I really am Bi.' In so many words of course. In the back of your mind it probably annoys you beyond reason that he didn't 'believe' you.
Wow, I had the same situation as you when I was like 14, except it was my mom instead of my dad. So I definitely understand. Hopefully this helps: What I did was I told my mom that I was in fact bisexual. Because, honestly, I think you can still be bisexual and not have a desire for sex. Especially when you're a teenager and sex is still a confusing thing. I'm 17 now and I've found that once you find that one person you really care about, the sexual stuff just works itself out. So don't be too concerned with the sex stuff. That's not really important. Finding a way to re-come out to your dad is the important part. For my parents, if I have something important to say, I just catch them when they're alone and in a good mood and not too busy. Then I tell them I have something I want to talk about, and I just talk. It may be different for your family. Maybe for you, the opposite would be better (before leaving for school, a quick "By the way dad, I am in fact bisexual"). I'm sure you'll figure it out. Don't let it eat at you too much. C:
I'm 21 and I'm feeling like this now. I crush on boys and girls, I like making out with boys, I think I would like it with girls (never done it though), I don't like having sex with boys, and I don't know if i would like it with girls, but I don't think I would, or if I did, I wouldn't want to do it so often. I think I'm just more on the romantic side than the sexual side, if there were a scale. My parents think I'm straight, I think I'm lesbian (today, anyway), but I've only dated boys. Go figure...
