Well, let me start off by saying that I like guys, but I wouldn't label myself as "gay". One, because I'm not into labelling people, and secondly, I wouldn't consider myself not liking any women ever. I'm in a fifth year of high school now, and while I've always kinda "known" this, it's only really come into light now. I'm heading off to university in the fall, and am pretty excited, so I always kinda planned on "coming out" when I head off. Not necessarily an announcement to the world, but more of a becoming comfortable enough to tell people if they ask kind of thing. I've heard from lurking around that coming out in post-secondary is usually a fairly decent idea, since it's more independant/accepting/supportive/etc. The only reason I'm setting a goal for myself is because I read somewhere (likely here) that by hiding myself is like going through life on one foot. That's what really hit me I think; I'm a logical kind of guy, so why make things harder for myself than I have to? Anyway, here's my problem. Over the last couple of weeks, I've been seriously considering coming out the few close friends I hang out with in school from my graduating class. Prom was a few days ago, and one of my friends (not in my class) went, and started going on about relationship drama and stuff. Of course, it turned to my relationships and things like that. The only reason I'm considering letting them know is that I'm feeling some guilt for essentially "lying" to them when they've trusted me with their own relationship stuff (among other more private things). I'd probably see them over the summer, but I'm almost seeing this as a sort of closure, so I can finish off high school at the end of June with no real big regrets. I figure I can be more comfortable with myself to an extent too if I'm my real self with the few close people I hang out with over the summer. This might be the start to letting my family and other close friends know too. For the most part, I know they don't really have any issues with sexuality, but I'm still worried. Part of it is that it's all happening kind of fast in a way, since I've only really considered doing this in the space of a month or so. I know I don't have a whole lot to lose in the grand scheme of things since I'm leaving in 2 months, but it could be a long 2 months if I'm all by myself. There's no logical reason for me to be afraid that telling them is a bad thing, beyond my own personal demons. I know you guys can't exactly judge since you aren't in my head and know exactly what I'm talking about, but does it sound like a terrible idea to start the process now? And I'm also not one for labels, so would it sound stupid to come out as "oh yeah, and I like guys"? We also go out during lunch and stuff and not everyone is always free to go, so sometimes it's just me + one other; would it be better to do this 1 on 1 or all at once? Anyway, thanks for any and all help you guys give. Posting this is the real first step for me I guess, so hopefully I'm on the path to bigger and better things...
Welcome to EC! If you're comfortable with yourself and really want to start the journey that is coming out, then go right ahead! Only you will know when you're ready to come out. I'd do this: Try to come out to a friend in person who you know will be accepting. The first one is the hardest one for some people. If you can handle coming out to one person, you can handle coming out to others. Start building a safety net of people you can fall back on, then tell the people you are worried about. It can be easier said than done to tell people, even if the circumstances seem absolutely perfect. So give it a try. If you cant get the words out or you cant make yourself just tell them, then maybe you're just not ready for it yet. It's nothing to feel bad about. I'd say deffinately try to be comfortable coming out by the time you head off for school because it will make life a lot easier for you if people are introduced to you knowing that about you. Basically, the less you lie, the easier it gets. Good Luck! Keep us posted!
Hey man, welcome to EC! That sounds great that you're ready to come out as whatever you are. If your friends are open to your sexuality, that's great too. Hope that everything goes ok. I know the feeling about hating lying to your friends, it's what eats you up more than your sexuality does sometimes. I feel the same way. Lying sucks. One thing you mentioned is that you'd like to be yourself around them. Your sexuality is just a small part of you. In your life (especially for guys), it can seem like your whole life revolves around sex. But that's not how it is with your friends. Just because you're not hitting on them doesn't mean you're not being yourself around them. Always be yourself, that's why they like you. And then when you come out, they'll know you're still just the same guy. College is a great place for you to start your journey with your sexuality. There's so many opportunities for you to learn from, I wish had taken advantage more when I was in college. Good luck man!!
Welcome to EC! The timing is all up to you. If you feel ready for it emotionally then go for it. Also, since you will be leaving high school I say go for it. Yes, two months might be tough to deal with if your friends don't accept you, but you might also have the best two months before college if they accept you I would suggest telling one of your close friends before telling everyone else. The first time coming out to anyone is tough and sometimes takes more than one try. Come out your best friend first and tell him/her all about it. Your friend might need sometime, but afterwards ask him to help you tell the rest. That way it will be much easier for you. Best of luck and keep us updated
Welcome to EC!!! Timing is very much up to you. I'd say go for it. If you're friends don't accept you they are the ones missing out in life. When I got to college I was still in the closet. But all the friends I met there made me feel really comfortable with myself and so I began coming out. College is great place to come out because there are already so many new experiences waiting for you when you get there and coming out just adds to that. And it really does get easier the more people you tell. Good luck and just do what feels right
Hi, and welcome to EC! I hope you’ll enjoy your stay! To me, your plan sounds far from a bad idea. In fact, it sounds like a very good one. You have nothing to lose, and a lot to gain (acceptance, being more comfortable with yourself, the valuable input of friends). It could give you the confidence to just start college open and out to new people you meet there. And if you already know they wouldn’t have any big issues with it, it’s basically risk-free. At worst one or two might take a bit to adjust to the idea. Also, I don’t think it’s too fast. If you figured it out for yourself, and you seriously think about telling other people, that is a sign it is the right time. And it’s better to tell now than to keep it inside and regretting you didn’t tell afterwards. Personally, I like the idea of coming out to one person first, and then coming out to others one by one, until you’re comfortable with the idea of just telling everyone. This has the advantage of being able to pick the one that might be the most accepting, and knowing they have your back when you come out to more and more people. “Oh yeah, and I like guys” isn’t a bad way to come out. There is no need to explicitely call yourself gay or bi or any other label. When I first came out, I didn’t use any of those words myself. I just told people that I’d be way more likely to end up with a boyfriend than a girlfriend. However, if you don’t want to label yourself, be prepared to give some explanation. One of the more likely answers they could give is: “so, you’re telling me you’re gay?” Putting such labels on people is just a way of people to make sense of the world, so just explain a bit further if that happens. All you need to do is steel your nerves, and when you next meet them, go through with it. If necessary by hijacking the conversation, rather than by trying to fit it in, because moments where it fits in are hard to come by. Good luck, and let us know how it goes!
I appreciate the responses guys. A lot. I've been kinda sick the last few days, and missed a bit of school, so I haven't done any talking yet... but a bit of thinking/mental acceptance of what I am and what I want to do. I was always a bit unsure and probably will always be a bit unsure, but I think I'm close to hitting that endpoint soon where I won't ever give a **** about what anyone thinks of me. And that makes me happy. I like the reckless feeling/idea of empowerment, but I still know I'm meek enough to not do anything stupid either. Ironically enough, I was watching a movie today that happened to have a couple of gay relationships pop up throughout the movie. And of course they were all happy, only sad because one character wasn't accepting of her brother, but now he's dead, etc. etc. Talk about motivation, huh? I'm also reaching that point where while I love the support and 100% acceptance I'm getting from EC, I'm still longing for that real-life person I can talk to in person about what's going on and having them not care. It's that "so close but just far enough away" feeling that really sucks. But again, another motivator for me, kinda. I think for me what it comes down to is I'm slowly accepting what's going on, and it'll happen in time. I'll shoot to go with my plan from before and let my close friends know relatively soon, but if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. At least I'm 99.9% sure that I won't be able to live closeted for the rest of my life, it just might take a while to get past that. And a small victory; a few weeks ago, I could hardly even think to myself that I liked guys, let alone say it. Today while I was driving by myself, it took a couple tries, but I said it to myself. A small victory, but I'll take it for what it is: progress. So like I said, thanks for all the support guys. You probably hear it over and over again, but you have no idea how much I appreciate this. Guess that's all for now. Hopefully I'll have something nice to post in the near future : ) P.S. -> Sorry for my wall o' text posts, it's just how I am.
