So the short version is - met a guy online who lives far from me, we talked for a good while getting to know each other and then in February I came to visit him, well turns out we had a good time and now I just moved up to stay the summer with him. Things just sort of feel weird. I know some of it is me being insecure but the age difference is making me feel self conscious. He's at a point in life where he is secure financially and I'm VERY opposite - now both of us agree this isn't a "houseboy" situation where I expect him to support me, I think it's an honest attempt at some relationship. I just feel insecure, he can afford to go out and he wants to bring me but I'm just like not able to - that's putting aside all the sexual tension or lack of really. I'm just doubting what is going to come out of this and need some perspective.
Relationships with significant age differences can and do work (they also can and do crash and burn). This is definitely something you should discuss with him, and something he should be willing to talk about (sounds like you're already making a good start). The same is also true of situations where there's a significant difference in financial security. One of my favorite online novels (Dead End Streets, anyone know if it's still around?) involves a relatively poor gay man and his extremely wealthy husband. The couple ends up living in the poor guy's apartment largely because he doesn't want to feel like his lifestyle depends on the relationship. Which is to say, your attitude is common. A major problem with significant age and wealth differences is one of agency, when someone has a lot of power or experience over you, it's easy to feel like you don't have any real control over things, or to actually not have any control over things. Which isn't to say I'm advising being a control freak, just that the important thing is to make sure that you feel comfortable with the degree of agency and control you have.
It's really up to you. You're 21, you're an adult, so you should be making this decision on your own and no one really should TELL you what to do (unlike if you were underage). I would advise against it though? I mean, how big is the age difference? Eh. As a few on this board would call me, I'm Ageist. More often than not, I'd be under the impression that someone significantly older seeking out younger guys has motives of not the best kind? I dunno, it's just my opinion. Human beings tend to do things selfishly. Especially men. (Now this is sounding like a begrudged newly single rant, for it is not. Not at all xD I'm feminist? lawl. No I'm not. I do think Men have a higher rate of participating in sexual manipulation though, unlike women who would participate more in other forms of manipulation? xD Humans are fucked up.) If you're into it, good for you for being more trusting than me
Wow that was very thought out and helpful. Cheers to you Liam. I feel like the financial thing is very temporary - I'm not so much worried about that in terms of thinking "man he has money and I don't" I think just the fact that I'm around him and his friends who are just further ahead than me and it frustrates me though I know I'll get there. I think and this is me being brutally honest ----- I felt my ace was sex, like sexually I am a 21 year old male, naturally I'm a horned up beast, but all this doubt and worry set in when I realized gradually that he isn't into that.. I mean I understand the point of waiting in a relationship to an extent but gay world doesn't usually move this slow - I'm good enough to bring across the US but now I'm here and we don't even kiss! I just feel like I got the carpet pulled out from under me. Like we had a picnic and I showed up with something he doesn't even want....
Interesting, that's different. Taking it slow is a good thing My perception of your situation has now changed for the slightly better. =]
To Shevanel: right I think anyone in your shoes would think that the older guy is kinda having the wrong intentions but in this case I feel like we are both mature and wanted to test the waters on a relationship- as I just stated above ^ I'm the one being a hound who would love to just have sex all the time....
Well, I'm gonna put myself in his shoes. If I brought a much younger guy over whom I liked*, I'd be absolutely terrified of using or manipulating him. I'd probably be pretty reluctant to do anything physical just because of that. You definitely can and should make it clear that you are interested in getting a bit physical. Kissing, especially, can be as much about emotional affection as lust *Important clarification: I don't think there's anything wrong with an older and younger guy deciding to just have sex. This is all presuming hypothetical-Liam wants an actual relationship with younger guy
Well the thing is we talk about sex and stuff so it's not like taboo which makes the fact that we haven't done much more awkward. I feel like he knows I want to have sex and thats all. Nothing one way or the other - just kinda confusing
UM still am curious about his age. You kinda haven't told that to us...and I know I wouldn't mind knowing.
How old is he? I am curious why you have not posted that yet? Are you uncomfortable with telling others how old he is? If so, perhaps that is an indication that you are not comfortable yourself with the age difference.
