When I first registered here I had just told one friend and then you guys gave me the courage to call another friend and then yesterday I did it again. Setting a deadline and telling someone "Oh I'm going to come out to ___ today" really makes you do it. Because letting yourself down is easy - we do it every day that we want to come out but don't. Having someone else going "So did you tell them?" is a lot more different. Naturally I believe we dont want to let them down. So the last person I told was my best friend since kindergarden, so around age 6. We're now both 21. Best friends for 15 years. Went through everything together in our lives. Well I told him I needed to talk to him about something earlier in the day so he then later in the day asked me what it was...so I just built it up a bit with a "So I've been wanting to do this for a long time, hopefully we're still cool....but I'm gay." type deal. He said of course we were still cool and he wasn't like that (meaning he wasnt someone who would ditch a friend just because they're gay). He then went on to say some very pro-gay things I wasn't expecting like "no one has the power to tell you who you can or can't love". He had the usual questions of since when have you known? Dating anyone? Why'd you tell me now? Told your parents? etc. So now my last stop on the coming out train is my family. Personally, I don't think I will tell my brother/sister before I tell my parents. I think I'll just tell my parents and then they'll naturally hear about it since my brother lives at home and my sister and mom talk on the phone pretty much every day. They haven't said any anti-gay comments recently so I'm starting to feel a little better about the thought of telling them. I still know it will be incredibly hard though. My plan now is to start writing a letter with all of my thoughts in it - both positive and negative - and hopefully read it to them so I don't lose my train of thought in the heat of the moment. I dont have many questions but just I guess about how to tell my parents. Besides that I just wanted to say THANK YOU to those who shared their own stories, gave me ideas on how to come out and the general positive support this forum offers. I can't wait till the day I'm fully out and can help the future and current closeted people accept themselves and be accepted by others.
That is such amazing news! I think the plan of writing a letter is a really good one... if you've read the storeies, you know that it can work either by leaving it for them to read, or by handing it to them and having them read it in front of you. I'm sure it will be such a huge load off of your chest once you've done that. And then.... you'll have to change your username
GrenadedClosetDoor will be more appropriate - until then Titanium will work. It's more of an aluminum foil now though.
Your story is inspirational to me. I agree with you. Empty Closets has given me the inspiration to slowly start telling people. Family is going to be a huge deal for me. I really don't feel like telling them yet. Hard to explain, but i just feel like its not necessary to tell them right now. Okay sorry to drag on about myself..point is...way to go...keep going...and keep us updated!
Congratulations! That's awesome that your friend was so supportive and accepting! And good for you for finding the courage to tell them. Way to go!
We love you, too! (&&&) It feels great to be out, doesn't it? Not that I would know or anything (but I'm damn close to being out), but it sounds like fun! It should be somewhat easy for me to come out to my mom, at least. She was in a relationship with a woman for 8 months. I doubt she has any problem with gay people.
Awesome! Congratulations at managing to go through with it! You're starting to get the hang of it And I'm glad we were able to help in whatever little way we could. Writing a letter to your parents is indeed a good idea. You mention wanting to mention all aspects, both the good and the bad. While being honest is always a good thing, I would advise to try and make the good a little more prominent than the bad, or find a good side to every bad side. When you're coming out to people, you want to make them comfortable with the idea of you being gay, and to let them know you're OK with it yourself. Not to fear for your happyness. But that's just a nitpick. I'm sure you'll do great!
Great news. Well done! Hopefully other's will be as accepting. Hope to be in your position some day, best of luck.
You were the most or in the top group of the people who helped the most. :smilewave Thank YOU! However -- I've come to kind of a dead-end. I came out to my friends like I had wanted and planned to do before telling my parents, but now I don't really know how I can bring myself to tell them. I have 1.5 more weeks of school then I'm done for the summer / until I transfer schools and move out. The same day I'm done with school they leave on a vacation for 2 weeks...so I dont want to tell them now. I want to tell them when they get back which is ~July 7th or so. So maybe tell them in like mid-July since I'll be moving out in mid-August it will leave enough time for them to become more okay with it but not so much time where if it doesn't go well it wont have to be too much awkwardness. Good idea? But telling them seems IMPOSSIBLE...once I'm done with all of my school work I guess I need to actually write that letter, it won't write itself. I'll probably get drunk one night and write it - bring out all the emotions Then review it the next day and then just start hoping to find the "right" (there isn't a right time) time to tell them and somehow do it....bleh. I guess there's no easy way to do it, you're telling your parents you are gay, you like guys, you have sex with guys, you wont be having kids, etc...ugh. So hard. I need a bf to help me! (&&&) Hopefully next year since I'm going to school in SF Won't be too hard to find a handsome gay guy
You can do it! EC can help! Seriously, if you're having trouble writing a letter post it in the coming out section and folks here will critique it pretty well.
Well, you might feel like you're at a dead-end, but I'm not seeing it. You felt at a dead-end before coming out to your friends too, remember? And lo and behold, here you are now. Yes, coming out to parents is quite hard. I wouldn't say it's the hardest thing I ever did in my life, but it ranks up there in the top three. But the reward is equally great: you don't have this crushing feeling of separation from your own family anymore. And while it may be a shock for them, they can start to get used to the idea. Your timing is sound as well. Once they return, try to see the possible moments when you can get them alone and uninterrupted for a bit. Then, send a note to your friends: "I'm coming out to mom and dad, wish me luck". Make a thread on it here: "Dear EC, I'm going to go to my parents and tell them I'm gay". And then boldly stride forth and do it! I must say that I'm raising my eyebrows at the notion of needing to get drunk before writing a letter. Sure, it gets the emotions flowing. But: it takes some time, even after coming out to get rid of some left-over self-loathing. Don't let your letter become overly emotional. When you talk about it with them, emotions will happen anyway. You want it as a firm base to fall back on! However, do what you must to get the necessary inspiration. Also, try to paint as positive a picture as you can! Yes, you're gay, but then... you have sex with guys (plural) and you'll never have children? That's not what you want to tell them. That's not even necessarily the truth! You're gay, but that doesn't change anything about who you are. You'll find an awesome guy to love just as much as an alternative straight version of you would have loved his girlfriend. And it's the 21st century! The options for gay couples to raise kids were never as big as they are now! I'm sure you'll be able to find the right words, though. Don't hesitate to put up the letter and I'm sure we can make it even better! Being critiqued by EC is not as good as having a push in the back from a boyfriend, perhaps, but it's something :icon_wink I'm sure that you can do it!
