I read an article that kind of summed up how I've been feeling lately. It was about a young, gay man in rural Oklahoma. I am a young, gay man in Rural Oklahoma. The only problem is, he was confident enough to go out and meet men, and I'm not, and I also can't stand myself. How can I fix this? I'm struggling. I'm so bummed out lately that I can't hardly get up in the morning. My coming out has also come to a halt and I can't seem to get back into the groove I was in after I came out to my mom.....
You say you can't stand yourself. That's a tough spot to be in. I know - because I think I've been there myself. And it's a really difficult hole to get yourself out of. But it CAN be done. If you want to talk more about it one on one you can send me a PM. Have you considered working with a counsellor of some kind? That really helped me. I also started on antidepressants, which also helped A LOT. When I realized how good I was able to feel with the medication, I wondered why I had spent so much of my life in a constant semi-depressed state. It seemed like such a waste. You need to have SOMETHING to feel good about. And you either already do have that something, or you could create it. Most of the issue likely is a result of your attitude towards things - which isn't always easy to change. I wouldn't worry so much about coming out to people as I would about feeling good about yourself. You're not going to feel like sharing personal information about yourself with others if you don't think you're worth listening to or that the stuff in your life doesn't matter. Come out to people when you can feel good doing it. Again, if you want to chat more, send me a note. (*hug*)
You have to love yourself. Without self love, you really are going to struggle in life. Learn to love yourself and accept yourself. Be your own best friend. I know it's hard, but as mentioned above, it can be done! Jim is right, you should seek counseling and work with someone that can help you in a professional setting. I have also been there and anti depressants did help. I know you can do it. It's a tough and winding black road, but there IS a light at the end. You have to build up courage over time and eventually you will be comfortable enough to get your groove back on. And remember this: "You have to have a darkness...for the dawn to come."
You have the world in your hands. The internet of course! Search for local counselors. Ask friends or people you know if they can refer you to one OR if they know of someone that can help you. There has to be something out there for you.
I did a little searching on the internet and here is what I found in your area: This is a list of therapists who work with LGBT clients and appear to specialize in our issues. http://therapists.psychologytoday.c...y=Oklahoma+City&county=Oklahoma&state=OK&s9=Y If you are religious, here is a list of LGBT friendly churches in your area. http://www.gaychurch.org/Find_a_Church/united_states/us_oklahoma.htm The South Oklahoma City Clinic offers special services to LGBT people. Call them and see if they have counselors associated with them or that they can refer you to. Here is their contact information: 6048 S Western Oklahoma City, OK 73139 p: 405.631.0943 | f: 405.631.3542 Here is contact information for a local LGBT community center: The Center 2135 NW 39th Street, Oklahoma City, OK 73112 Phone: 405-524-6000 Fax: 405-524-6015 When you are depressed, it is hard to do anything, much less reach out for help. But, that is exactly when you need to push yourself. As hard as it is, make a call to one of the above organizations and ask for help. Once you do, you will be amazed at how much better you feel. Life can really be great for you if you make the effort.
