I can't do it. I want to do it, but I just can't do it. I've had a few opportunities with different people over the last couple days, and will have more this weekend since I'm off work. But I just can't bring myself to out myself to them, even though I know the odds of something going badly are slim to none. I just can't get over the idea that if something were to go wrong, I'd end up ruining a good thing. Because of self-esteem/family issues/not being very social in general, it sounds sad but this is one of the best places I've been in socially these last couple of years. I just don't want to blow it, y'know? Gah. I know it's not something that should be forced, but I want it over and done with so badly..
To start off I guess, can you even say it to yourself? Are you sure? (your status says you aren't). Before you can admit it to other people, you have to admit it to yourself. Try standing in front of the mirror and saying "I'm gay/bi/trans/pan/etc." Until you can say it out loud to yourself, or even just write it down somewhere, you won't be able to tell other people.
I agree with Zumbro. If you're not completely sure about it yourself, then I think it wouldn't be wise to "spring" it on other people. Once they know, they have to come to terms with it. You might feel better if you come to terms with it before they do. The conversations become a lot easier. I told some of my friends when I was still questioning myself, and I wasn't able to answer some of their questions because I wasn't sure of myself yet. Everything comes with time.
Well, it isn’t as bad as you think it is! Most (if not all) people I know in real life or talked on here had a short period of really wanting to tell, but somehow stopping just before they said it. A “near-coming-out experience” as I like to call it. In fact, I’m pretty out, but I still have those. Just yesterday, I had the perfect opportunity to come out to a colleague, 100% chance of success and support, and yet I somehow just didn’t get around to it :eusa_doh: Those experiences are necessary, though. Every time they happen, you get a bit closer to coming out. The situation gets a bit more concrete. Just a short time ago, you’d never have told anyone, and now you’re really thinking of doing it. That’s progress! Zumbro’s ideas, above, are pretty good. Go in front of a mirror and say “I’m gay” (harder than it sounds if you’ve never done it before). Try to write a letter with what you want to tell them. That helps making things more concrete (I never used my letter, but it sure helped in crystallizing my thoughts), it helps you anticipate questions (how long have you known? Who else have you told/will you tell, why are you telling this now? Etc…) and if you don’t think you’re able to tell them directly, a letter can get the message across nicely. Also, this might be counterintuitive, but waiting for the right moment almost never works. You spent most of your life until now honing your reflexes to not tell people (often to not even think about it yourself). So, even when a perfect moment comes up, you need to make a snap decision to come out, and that just doesn’t work. Your reflexes gag you before it happens. The best way (in my experience) is to really plan it. If you know you’re meeting a friend, resolve yourself to come out, no matter what. And if necessary, you steer the conversation to the topic! Or even just say: “I have to tell you something about myself that I want you to know” (after that, you really can't go back). Even if it feels like hijacking the conversation, people really won’t mind. I’m sure you won’t blow it. Recognise your fears for what they are: irrational "what-if" scenarios. It might be a tad awkward, but they’ll appreciate the openness, and their acceptance will give you more confidence and self-esteem!
