I need some advice, I'm 16 and lately I've had family members speculate I might be gay particularly my grandpa who is really nosey about others business. Anyhow he expressed that he worries I may not be into girls (Don't Date) to my mom. She of course believes my I'm busy and don't feel like taking the risk of sex and accidents. But she did ask if I were gay. Do you think it is just time to fess up I ? I just don't think it is right to say yea ok I like (Insert Here). Is it right for me to be the person who wants to bring it up ? But when I was upstairs while she was on the phone she said don't tell me my son is gay is a kind of sad tone so does that mean she will take it in a devastated way ? I am her only child.
First, don't feel pressured to come out, do it in your own time. Myself and all my friends (who are straight) have had their moms ask them if they were gay at some point in our lives, I think it's just a mom thing to do. Second, your mom may be disappointed at first, but at least she sounds open to the possibility of you being gay and won't try and change you or anything like that. I'm sure your mom has dreams/plans for your life which involve a girl, a family, grandchildren, etc. and she will have to come to the realization that your life will still be amazing, just different. This may take some time. But come out when you are ready.
see the thing is I would be comfortable coming out but I get this very empty or dropping out feeling in my chest and get shaky if I think of going to say something. I just need to just tell my self go for it because I couldn't even tell her once I got a C on a reading test that needed signed and I signed her name and got caught.
Your certainly not the only one with those feelings, I am also in the same boat (or closet or whatever it is!) as yourself. Even although I am a bit older than yourself and lead a fairly independent life, i also cant quite get the words out when around my parents. No matter how much i want to and know its the right thing to do, it never happens. Certainly something I have learned having been on EC over the last couple of week's is pretty much everyone goes through this. The best piece of advice i can give you is not to push it and just take the time to get to know yourself and like you for who you are. It will happen someday just takes longer than other's for some. Best of luck!
I've had my mom ask me twice. Once when I was around your age, and once a few months ago. The first time she asked I automatically said no. Mainly because it was something I had not accepted at that time. When she asked me recently I didn't really give her an answer. We were talking about one of my best friends who is gay and she made the comment about why are you best friends with someone who is gay, are you gay? and I just sorta blew the question off about how he is my friend regardless if he is gay or not.
I think most people get like that. I know I did when I first started coming out. I pushed myself to do it. I remember being really scared and feeling as if I had made the biggest mistake in my life. But as soon as my mom said that she was ok with it, I was ok. It's hard to explain because there's so many emotions that go through you in a short period of time. I'm not sure if telling you to push yourself is good advice though. It worked for me and you sound ready. Also, your mom sounds like she would accept it with some time. You gotta go with what your guts telling you.
Hi there and welcome to Empty Closets! You don't mention as to whether you have come out to some friends or people that you can trust already, but if you haven't it might be a good idea to try coming out to friends first and starting to build up your support network before you come out to your mum or your extended family. Coming out to others first and gaining acceptance could help you in becoming even more comfortable talking about it and also gaining the confidence in coming out to your family. Try to build up your support network first, in particular if you feel that your mum or family could have bit of a difficult time with accepting it at first. One thing you could try doing is standing in front of the mirror and saying out loud what you would say to your mum or family. Once you have said it all, and feel good I'd say give it a try and see how it goes. But if you look at yourself in the mirror and you feel uncomfortable and nervous, maybe give it a bit more time. For many parents realizing or hearing that their child is gay is often a shock because parents have dreams for their children. Often times, parents get scared or are worried as to what it means for their child and what the future holds. For some parents it is easier to adjust them then for others but most of the time, parents do come around eventually. Now, in some respects, your mum having had that conversation is good because it might already help her to begin the process of adjusting at a subconscious level. If you feel that some pamphlets or information about LGBT could help, there are some pretty good resources available on the net. Maybe have a look on the PFLAG website. "Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People" is a pretty good pamphlet and contains quite a bit of information that might help your mum to understand you better and also help her to ease her fears and worries a bit. If and when you decide to come out to her, try to be there for her as much as you can in that, allow her to talk to your about it, answer any questions that she might have. You can help her in coming around to it by showing that being gay does not change anything about you and that you are still the same son that you were before coming out to her. You are the best person to 'educate' her. Another thing you could think about is perhaps writing her a coming out letter and giving it to or leaving it for her to read. The advantage of writing it all out is that it gives you a bit of more time to think about what you want to say, and perhaps put your thoughts in some order. On the other hand, giving your mum a letter would also give her a bit of time to reflect in it. You've heard your mum on the phone, I would work that into the letter or coming out as well. Always remember tough that coming out is not a race. Follow what feels right for you. Hope this helps a bit.
I haven't come out to friends but I have considered people to tell first as far as friends go. Now as far as educating her I know it maybe needed a little over the last 4 years I've collected info like on how they believe people are born gay and info on HIV/AIDs Ect. I feel ready but I'm nervous still I know I've accepted myself at first I went through the regular denial, sadness, depression. Then I kind of was like okay I can't change it so I've got to live with it and ever since I've kind of gotten used to being gay and I'm happy with it. I've been thinking all day long and the thing that pops out at me my mother said was your children should be who they are that stems from her father not allowing her to go to school for what she wanted to do and many other things. My father may be a tough one though.
hey do what YOU want to do, don't feel pressurised by what other people are doing and don't feel pressurised about bringing it up or who asks first etc. If she asks you and you want to come out then for goodness sake go for it, if you don't feel like coming out then don't, shake your head, say no, put your hnds on your ears and shout lalala loudly. Remember it's your life, make your own decisions and feel good about it. And hey your mum might be a bit annoyed and she might even be angry but a lot of anger is born from ignorance, if you think that she is angry at you and she's trying to change you etc just be normal, be you around her and eventually she will get the message, sh will eventually see that you are who you are and there is nothing wrong with that. Good luck mate
Hi there! I think it is great that you are comfortable and have accepted yourself. Any information that you have for your mum/dad is good, because it will give them a chance to gain a greater knowledge about it and about you. I think you have already a good sign that your mum, and although she might have a bit of a hard time at first, will be okay. The news or your coming out might still be a surprise to her but knowing that she wants her children to be who they are, should give you a way into your coming out to her. Maybe even start with that when coming out to her. If you want and you feel you would like to come out to a couple of friends first, maybe try that in the coming days/weeks and start building your support network, on which you can rely and fall back on if you need to. It doesn't matter in which order you come out or who the first person is so to speak. There will always be a bit of nervousness but the more you come out and hear yourself talking about yourself the easier it will get and the less nervous you will be. Also, try not to over think your coming out to your mum, because that might add to your nervousness and/or questions that you have in your mind. Give yourself the chance to take a break from it. Maybe what you could do is stand in front to the mirror and say out loud "I want to come out to my mum and this is what I want to say to her...." and take it from there. Once you have said it all, and you feel okay and ready, then maybe think about a good time as to when you could give it a try. Hope this helps a bit! (*hug*)
