I have recently met a guy I like at uni, we are in the same friendship group and on his birthday night out we ended up sleeping together. Since then its happened a few more times, but both of us are fairly shy when it comes to whether this is a relationship or not, and we haven't really talked about it yet. My main problem is that I'm only at university for another week at the most, and he's in the same position, we are both doing a year abroad, me in Austria and him in the US, so we wont see each other in all likelihood, until the following year when we come back for final year. I guess the question I'm posing is whether or not i should try to take it a step further in this last week, or whether we should just leave it as casual hook ups? I'm a bit lost, because this is the first guy I've met where i have been close to a relationship with.
I don't know, I haven't known him for that long, we only met properly about a week before his birthday, so this is a very short time period of about 5 weeks. We haven't properly dated either, i'm making myself sound bad here, but it has been mostly sex. I just don't know if we know each other well enough.
Hm ... well, how would you feel about waiting until you come back from Austria and seeing if you're still interested then?
If you feel any sort of emotional attachment to this person, and not just lust, be sure to come out of the shyness and ask him what his thoughts on it are. Because if you both are secretly developing stronger feelings for each other, a year apart might be very difficult. I've been away from my bf for not even a month yet, and it's been horrendous to get through. If you take it a step further and declare a relationship and then travel to opposite parts of the world (especially since it's all new), it most likely will not turn out well. All I can really say is see what he thinks about the situation. He might be struggling with the same questions. Hope you can figure it out, sir. (And if your username is a BSG reference, you earn points in my book.)
Hmm well there is an option. My roomie at my UNI is dating a guy in England. They had a similar sitch. They have an open relationship until they can get back together again. You could try something like that
Personally, I'd say let it go for now, and see if anything happens while you're away. 5 weeks in is not the time to start a long distance relationship, especially if you don't know each other that well and haven't officially dated. You can worry about it when you come back, if there's still feelings, but I feel having a long distance "relationship" will ruin a bit of the fun you'll both have abroad.
Hi there! I don't think it is necessarily bad that your relationship has mostly consisted of hook-ups because all what matters is that you feel comfortable and okay with it. No worries about that. I think one of the questions you have to answer for yourself is: how do you feel about him? As theJosephDean mentioned, if it is a stronger connection, and emotional attachment that you do have to him, I think it would be worth talking to him about it. Honesty in a relationship (and it doesn't matter what kind of a relationship it is) can go a long way. Being honest about what and how you feel for the other person can be hard because you don't know as to how he might feel in return, but it is still worth talking about it. If you do want to take it to the next step so to speak and want to see if there is more between the two of you then you also have to be honest with yourself and with him about the relationship and where you perhaps would like to see it go. If he does feel the same way about the relationship and is interested in taking it further, I would say give it a try. Is long-distance a problem. Not necessarily. I have a friend who has met his girlfriend while studying abroad eight years ago and they have been together ever since. Their relationship has been long distance for pretty much the entire time. They are seeing each other as often as possible or whenever their schedules permits it. When my friend travels back to see his family, he also sees his girlfriend. I'm actually amazed at times as to how strong their commitment and relationship is, despite being long distance. For you it would perhaps be a bit different but even though you two will be studying abroad, maybe there will be a time, when the two of you will be close enough to meet up and come together and catch up in person. Long distance relationships are harder because they involve a lot more trust and perhaps take more energy, but can work out and be wonderful nevertheless. You can call, skype, e-mail, chat on MSN, etc.... There is no shortage of ways of keeping in touch and getting to know each other further that way if you two feel the same about each other and decide to give it a try. If you feel it is worth it and want to give it a go and see what he feels, I'd say give it a try. The worst that can happen is that he says 'sorry, I'm not ready for taking the relationship to the next level.' But at least you have given it a try and can put your mind to ease knowing that. Will it be easy? It really depends on what you feel for him. I hope this helps. (*hug*)
In my honest opinion you shoudl leave it as a casual hookup. Long distance relationships, especially if they are your first BF, are tough really tough. You change in the years you don't see your BF, and so does he. Often you find you and your BF are different people when you see each other again.
Unless you have a talk and maybe go out on some "relationship" dates over the summer, I agree that you should file it away as just some fun times until you return. The year abroad is a lot about experiencing new people, new cultures, and new experiences. As Zumbro said, trying to maintain a long-distance relationship during that time could be quite limiting.
