I have been with my first boyfriend since the beginning of this year. I lost my virginity to him, but he had had previous sexual encounters. My reasons for wanting an open relationship: - We are both very young and inexperienced. - Im curious to try with other guys, and perhaps he feels the same (even though he already has)? - Perhaps we could pick up a thing or two that could spice up our own sex lives. - I love him, but this is my first ever relationship. I feel too young to be in a serious relationship. I feel the urge to experiment with other people like my friends are. - Perhaps deep down i have doubts about wether he is truely 'the one,' and wether i want to be with him forever. So i want to talk about it with him but im not quite sure how. He did mention once that he would be open to try a threesome, perhaps i should start from there? But some of my concerns: - He might think that i dont truely love him, and its just a way to justify cheating. It could ruin our relationship, even by just mentioning the possibility? He did say to me at the beginning of our relationship that if i ever 'cheated' on him that would be the worst thing i could do and he would be very upset and break up with me (thats what his last bf did to him). - Is it too early in our relationship to bring it up? Although we have become very close in a short time? - I think he is more sure about his love for me than i am about him. He says to me that he would never want to lose me, and also that he would do anything he could not to lose me and make the relationship work (a good sign?) - He is not yet 18, but i am over 18. This means i can get into clubs and pubs while he cannot. This is also one of the reasons why i began considering this, as when i go with my friends they all pick up, and i am left with nobody. And i look around at everyone else paired off and become sad. Should i wait until we are both 18 so that we are in a way, even? - He might agree to it, but then become jealous if ever he saw me with someone else. Also, i might even become jealous if i saw him with someone else. Id love to be able to go to clubs together with him, and both bring someone home, but it would be bad if only one of us found somebody. Its just the shallow 'game' of clubbing, merely physical attraction. - He seems less interested in sex than me, and hes also much more picky about guys appearances, just about told me off when he saw how old one of the guys was in some porn i had (he was only like late 20's!!) so... what to do? what to say?
Oh wow, lots of stuff going on here. Well, first of all, in any kind of relationship, honesty is very important. That means making your expectations and feelings clear and trusting him to do the same for you. You don't have to be mean or abrupt about it, but some meaningful conversation would really help clear things up. You say you want to talk to him about it... Go for it! Your wanting to be intimate with other guys is fine, but, if you want to be faithful to your boyfriend, he has to be okay with you going around the block a couple of times. (And there's the issue of safety: I'm sure you know how to be safe and responsible during sex, but having multiple partners or meeting different guys definitely requires a heightened awareness of the risks of engaging in activity like that.) Don't hurt his feelings, but don't short-change yourself, either. Are you happy? Is your involvement in the relationship contributing to his happiness? Do you feel fulfilled? If not, it's time to sit down, have a chat, and work some things out. And you totally want to take this one step at a time, too: don't let all your thoughts and fears and dreams and desires come together in one huge cluster. Organize, prioritize, and move forward. You can do it.
