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When should I give my mom my letter? I'm having an anxiety attack!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Smiley1123, Jun 24, 2010.

  1. Smiley1123

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    Ok so I wrote this really really heartfelt letter to my mom about being a lesbian and its basically just to confirm to her that this is not just a phase. Now I worked on this letter for 4 hours and its REALLY good, but there is one problem. I don't know when the right time to give her the letter. I was thinking that I was going to give it to her when she got home from work today but then I did not know if I should stand there while she reads it or go to my room while she reads it to give her some space. Or should I just tape it to the front door so that she can read it tomorrow morning before she goes to work? Or...the possibilities are endless. Does anyone have any advice about when the best time would be to give this letter to my mom? Or has anyone else written a letter? When did you give it to the person you were coming out too? Thanks in advanced :slight_smile:

    Edit: and by the way, I want to give my mom my letter by Sunday (Pride) because I don't want to lie about where I'm going.
     
    #1 Smiley1123, Jun 24, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2010
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there! I think what you could do is, wait for your mum to settle down/relax a bit after work and then give her the letter. If she is relaxed and had a bit of time to unwind from the day, that can go some ways towards making your coming out experience a positive one. Ask her to wait before starting to read it until you are outside the room and that you will come back in.

    But if you feel too nervous to do that, you could leave the letter for your mum in the living room or in her bedroom. When she comes home, allow her to find the letter. You could wait in your room while she reads the letter and maybe try to distract yourself a bit.

    I think giving her some space to read the letter is a good idea.

    When I came out to my parents, I read them the letter, even though I had all intentions of just leaving it for them to find and read it. On the morning when it all happened, I went down and up the stairs, I don't know how many times, before I decided I had to be there when they read it. So I asked them to come into the living room and sit down on the couch across from me and started reading the letter. :slight_smile:

    Hope this helps a bit. Good luck! Hope it all goes well for you.
     
  3. Zumbro

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    You should probably have someone proofread your letter first as well. I don't know how long it is, but 4 hours of writing can be a lot. It's sometimes best to keep it simple, and if you leave things out it encourages discussion.

    Also, often people delay mentioning the "I'm gay" part until a paragraph that is too far in. From your perspective it's only about one thing, but if you don't get that part out of the way pretty quick, it can also seem like you're running away or suicidal, which is not what you want your parents thinking.

    Best of luck!
     
  4. Smiley1123

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    Thanks for both helpful answers! (*hug*)

    I think that this is what I'm ultimately going to end up doing.

    I have proofread it a few times and I am scared to show it to my friends for fear that they will laugh at me or make serious edits when I really want it to be directly from me. But I definitely will proofread it a few more times!

    I have the first "I'm gay" sentence as the last sentence of the first paragraph, hopefully that's high enough :slight_smile:

    I'm scared :***:less about handing the letter and seeing her reaction...eek! I wish the day would end sooner so that she would come home and I would not have to have all anxiety! :tears:
     
  5. silverhalo

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    If you want someone other than yourself to proof read it you could choose someone you trust here at EC and be safe in the knowledge that noone will laugh. Im guessing you are a full member as you have been around a while but if not you could always pm it to an adviser.
     
  6. beckyg

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    I think its best to give it your mom when she has time to relax and think about it. If she's upset you don't want her having to go to work. You want time to talk to her and work things out. I'm sure your letter is perfect because you did put so much effort and time into it. Let me know how things go!
     
  7. Do it a little bit after she gets home. Give her a little while to relax and wind down. Make sure that she doesn't have anything to do when you give her the letter. After she has it, you should leave the room for five minutes or so, however long it takes for her to read the letter. After she's done, go to her and answer/ask any questions either of you may have. :slight_smile:

    I hope she'll be OK. It sounds like you're really wanting to make a difference. I like your idea a lot.
     
  8. Smiley1123

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    Thanks for all the replies guys! (*hug*)

    My mom is going to be home soon and my anxiety level has somehow lowered since I posted my last post on this thread :thumbsup:

    I think I'm going to let her get relaxed and changed out of her work clothes and when she goes to watch some tv or something I'll be like "this is a letter from me, can you read it and i'll come back in a few minutes" and then i'll come back and in my dream world she will be open with a few questions and a hug (...a girl can dream right?)

    I'll let you know how it goes and thanks for all the support (&&&)
     
  9. No One

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    I really hope it goes well.
     
  10. Smiley1123

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    I did it and she was very supportive. The only part that bothered me was that she thought that I was a little bit young to know for sure :frowning2: oh well she said the usual mom stuff that she would always love me and all that junk...but all and all I'm happy. We hugged for a little bit and snuggled...So I just life is pretty good :slight_smile:
     
  11. Spectre

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    Congratulations! That is one of the better responses you could hope for. :slight_smile:

    Sometimes at first mothers don't really know how to take the news. It doesn't really sink in and they think that "maybe she just hasn't found the right guy." But believe me, when you start bringing girlfriends home (or at least introducing them to her), it'll make it a lot more "real."
     
  12. Smiley1123

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    This is definitely what I think too :eusa_danc
     
  13. No One

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    I am so happy for you. Now you can start being much more open with her.
     
  14. Davy

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    Fantastic. So happy for you :eusa_clap