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Well ...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Steve712, Jun 24, 2010.

  1. Steve712

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    Around a half-hour ago, I started to feel pretty crappy. There've been a bunch of things happening, but they really haven't bothered me as much as they would normally bother someone. So, here's a list of things:

    My parents are going to split up, the guy I love crushed me and ditched me and I still can't get over it, my best friend is going through a whole bunch of shit (which upsets me too), my aunt has cancer, my entire extended family is dysfunctional, I have a very small amount of friends and I'm too afraid to be myself.

    I don't really know what I'm looking for here ... sympathy is appreciated I guess, but I know that I really can't control many of those things.
     
  2. Spectre

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    This is what you're looking for: (*hug*)

    You're right. There are a lot of things you don't have control over; your parents splitting, your ex crushing you, your friend's shit, your aunt's cancer, and your dysfunctional family. But there are other things that you DO have control over. You can be there for your friend. You can focus on putting yourself out there some more. You can work on being more open around other people. Doing this might help put some of the things you mentioned behind you.

    I wish I could be more help. (*hug*)
     
  3. theJosephDean

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    :frowning2: (*hug*)

    I'm sorry, dude =[ I've seen a lot of people's parents split, but it just happens sometimes. I know it hella sucks, but it's better for them to acknowledge that they need to find happiness elsewhere than stay together in something that won't amount to anything, ya know? (Assuming that is the case, of course.)

    Relationship problems are always a downer. Just know that everyone can find happiness in themselves before they ever have to seek it elsewhere. This isn't a be-thankful-of-what-you-have speech because frankly those are full of hogwash :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:, but apparently the jerk couldn't understand how special and how amazing of a person you are - and that's my serious tone there. *nods*

    And oh lord, everyone's family is dysfunctional :confused: There are so many crazy people that I'm related to, that I wonder how I keep the sanity that I do have. Just a few more years and you can get out of that mess and start life anew. It seems like a long way away, but it'll be here before you know it, I promise.

    And a small amount of friends is good in some cases. Having too many can be a hassle and that's when the real drama starts. And it's okay to not be yourself. A lot of people don't want to be themselves sometimes. Just be how you are, that's your true self, sir. Your friends - if they are your true friends - will accept you no matter how you act.

    Didn't mean to let out a typefest there, but just wanted to share my thoughts with you =3 Like you said, sometimes there just isn't anything that you can do or can control... Truth be told, you just have to grit your teeth and bare it and wait until some things are just done and over with.

    But always know that your friends here at EC (and even the people you don't know) will be here for you every step of the way.

    :slight_smile:
     
  4. Steve712

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    He isn't my ex, sadly. I told him that I was gay and that I loved him and then he simply and most of my other "friends" ditched me.

    You're right, I should be more open about myself ... I'm just too introverted and cowardly to actually do it. I can never convince myself to abate my nervousness.
     
  5. Steve712

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    Well, they're going to arrange things so that my brother and I don't have to move anywhere and we can complete school how we want to, which at the moment involves living in the same house, but that won't last much longer. I don't know; I haven't even cried about them splitting up once. I told myself that crying for them isn't worth it.

    Thanks for that ... Sometimes he's kind and it seems like he wants to be my friend again, but then when I reach out he snaps back and acts like an asshole. =/

    Yeah ... that does seems pretty far away, but I'll just suck it up for now.

    My friends accept me and the ones which I have are all amazing people. I just feel lonely a lot, especially because they can't hang out all of the time and I don't like sitting in my room alone with only my keyboard, books and laptop. The whole acting like myself bit was really about when I'm not with my friends. I can't bring myself to do it. =/

    Don't worry about it, I really appreciate it.

    I hope so. Again, thank you. :3
     
  6. Spectre

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    Next time you're in a situation outside of your comfort zone, ask yourself: "what do I have to lose by trying?" Then consider the things you want in life, and ask yourself whether or not you can achieve them without putting yourself out there more. And, when an opportunity arises, try to force yourself to take it. It'll be hard at first, but the more you do it, the easier it will become.

    When it really comes down to it though, you're one being on a planet filled with 6 billion others. If you take a risk and it doesn't pan out the first time, you technically have 6 billion more possibilities for it to work out the way you want it to.
     
  7. Steve712

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    I can lose contact with the vast majority of my acquaintances. That would mean being alone in many of my courses for the next two years, as my close friends aren't and won't be in most of my courses. I wouldn't avoid doing it so much if there weren't risks. I know that it isn't worth hiding myself, but at the moment it is more rational for me to keep a secure two years of high school with as little further emotional trauma as possible than risk it all.
     
  8. Spectre

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    I didn't realize by "being open" you were talking about with your sexuality. My comments were more aimed at shyness/introversion that may prevent you from getting to know new people or showing them your qualities.
     
  9. theJosephDean

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    Oh I'm the exact same way, sir. I have a few (literally... three...) really really good friends who I can do anything or talk about anything with... but I haven't even seen them since mid-May. =/ Loneliness hella sucks. (*hug*)
     
  10. Steve712

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    That's all right, I should've been more clear.
     
  11. Steve712

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    Mm, it sure does ... oh well.
     
  12. ivyjock

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    i listen to sad music. it helps me get my emotions going.. then i can start feeling better quicker
     
  13. Steve712

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    I'm listening to Eurythmics and Chopin right now. :3
     
  14. GoinStag

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    I have some understanding of how you feel. My parents got divorced when I was 8. My Mom was having an affair with a guy who lived around the block. That was "the straw that broke the camel's back". One of my best friends of almost 4 years is pregnant and cutting herself and refuses to talk to me. I love her so much I hate to see her going through this we haven't spoken since like April. My uncle died of cancer in November 2009 and my family is quite dysfuntional aswell between my Mom having yet another affair with a married muslim man (she's catholic),my aunt who's been engaged 6 times since 2001 and had a baby with her 3rd cousin, my pothead uncle who lives in a swamp, my uncle who O.D.'d on coke and died, and my cousin who is a pedophile (hasn't done anything to me though) that's only like 1/100 of 'em. My Mom actually just kicked my out about 5 hours ago so I'm feeling pretty shitty myself. You have a friend that can relate in some ways :slight_smile:

    ...that would be me if you didn't already get that lol
     
  15. Steve712

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    Thanks. :slight_smile:

    I'm sorry for what has happened to you, but thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone. :slight_smile:
     
  16. GoinStag

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    dude no problem sometimes it just helps to bitch about your life to other people lol as you can see I have no problem doing it :lol:
     
  17. SolitaryKnight

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    I know where you are coming from - to quote Monty Python

    Life's a piece of shit,
    When you look at it,
    Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true,
    You'll see its all a show,
    Keep'em laughing as you go,
    Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

    My parents are living in seperate houses (though they are not divorced) - but when I go visit them, its sometimes awkward since I serve as a kind of messenger between the two. My father is the worst of the two, because he tries to guilt trip my mother and me in the hopes that she will break down and move back.

    The remainder of my family is dysfunctional, and I accept it. At some point I'm going to buy a voice recorder and have my family go over all they crazy things that they have done so I can write a book on it someday - and believe me there are some interesting stories.

    My best friend lives in another town and I only get to see him once a month at best. Plus he is married and has a kid, so he is usually busy. My other good friend has changed over the last couple years into a bit of a punk, and I really don't enjoy hanging out with him anymore. I've tried to make friends elsewhere, but being introverted, its extremely hard to find someone I can really open up to.

    Relationships, I have never been in one really. Though last year I met a guy online who I wanted to get to know before I even thought of having a relationship. But he quickly went from nice guy, to obsessed... believing that there was something between us that there wasn't. So I quickly distanced myself before anything happened.

    Anyway, thats life. We have to take it as it comes. The only one that can make you sad is you, not anyone else.
     
  18. Davy

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    So sorry to hear your felling that way. Relationship's can give us the best time's and also some of the worst. Although i am far from being an expert there and would hate to give you any sort of advice on that when i can't sort myself out.

    As for Dysfunctional family, i don't think there's anyone in my life that's functional these day's. People's outlook on life and there whole just general attitude sucks. So i would not beat yourself up to much on that.

    As for your Aunt hope she gets better and you continue to have a good relationship with both your parent's.

    Sorry i can't relay be much help just wanting to pass on a(*hug*)
     
  19. Steve712

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    Ah, Monty Python. He really did have it all worked out.

    Thank you all very, very much. I teared up a bit in my left eye after coming back and reading the thread, which is pretty rare for me. I'm feeling much better this morning. Thanks for all of your support and kind words. :slight_smile: