Right first things first when I first joined I posted about the wanting to come out to my parents. The fact is things have gone around in circles again and I feel I am back at this point. I have made several changes for the better in my life in the last year or so such as about to quit my dead end job and going back to university to become a student nurse so I can do something worthwhile with my life. I have stopped acting in a way other people want and what they expect is "normal". Instead I let my true self shine through, well what bits of myself I allow. But no matter what happens it comes back to me being absolutely and completely stuck so much so that I become increasingly annoyed with everyone's else's intolerant view of the world and my own inability to be more open about myself. For example at work just now they are hiring some new staff (down to myself and other people leaving) and of course as happens in most work place's everyone likes to bitch and moan about everything. So the discussion turns to who will they hire, cue someone chipping in with something along the line's of if they will do the PC thing and hire a gay. This relay pissed me off, as the discussion turned to could they work with a gay guy. I relay wanted to turn round and let them know they have been working with one for the last two year's and give them a piece of my mind about there view of things being messed up. Again another example someone i know was talking about David Laws (Former Chief Secretary to the Treasury in the UK government, who had to resign after using tax payers money improperly when trying to conceal the fact that he was gay, at least that's the just of it.) and the fact if he was going to have a secrete relationship and use "our" money, surely he could do better than having a bloke. As if it was his choice and he just had to settle for the partner he has and he was not good enough to get a woman. Again I relay wanted to smack some sense into this person. Usually this does not bother me so much and i can just brush these stupid things off but for some reason not now. The point is, is that what people say all the time when they believe no Gay/Bisexual etc. person is listening? Are people relay this ignorant? I wish i could just explain how ridiculous they are and be open about my sexuality. This seams to happen all the time all the while i argue with myself on coming out. Its like i have two different people sitting on my shoulders, much like the cartoon style evil and good conscience. Except with me one character seams to resemble Kurt from glee and other in the form of the evil Margaret Thatcher (strange i know :lol. Every time i have the urge to come out and tell myself to go for it and be yourself!, the other part says no its not the right thing to do. It has nothing to do with me not being comfortable in myself but probably how other's will perceive me. Sorry for some long ramblings but I just need to vent a bit before I explode.
One part of this entire post stuck out the most for me: Why do you feel this way? It's obvious that you accept yourself and that you have come to terms with your sexuality, as you even stated this explicitly, but that statement is curious because it sort of contradicts what you've said throughout the entire rest of the post. I just have one more thing: You would take advice from Margaret Thatcher? Really?
I know, I don't know if i mean that or perhaps I mean its not the right time or whatever. Confusing I know just more myself making some damn excuses for myself. I constantly worry about the impact on other's. At times I wish I could be more selfish but it's not in my nature to be so. I should not care about what everyone thinks about me but I do. How i wish i could be as brave as some people. All so messed up:bang: She is evil personified in my eye's and fits perfectly.
Hm ... so, you think that coming out would negaitvely inpact others? Don't you think that it would help them experience something new and enlighten them about their misconceptions about homosexuality?
In my opinion what is most important is that you accept who you are and are happy with who you are and are proud of being gay. You can't expect freinds and family and others to accept you until you accept yourself. Assuming you have accepted yourself, what is your fear about telling others. What does it matter what their opinion is, what is most important is your opinion. How can you expect them to accept you for being gay if you dont tell them you are. Best of luck. I am not telling you to come out of the closet, or suggesting that you should, just asking you questions to help figure out if you should or are ready.
I read a book by Barry Neil Kaufman called Happiness is a Choice. It is a great read, and helped me answer tons of questions about what i wanted. It is an easy read, but profound and possibly life changing. It is found in bookstores here in the USA but can be ordered online. You can find it at the option institute website or maybe other sources also. It helped me decide how and when to come out, simply how he helped me realize what i think is more important that what others think of me. Also, my fear of what others think of me was worse than the reallity, (except for my Mom.) GOOD LUCK
Right taken a couple of hours out to think a bit more. Yeah your correct, and I know it that what bugs me its that last step between saying it and not. If i wasn't against violence so much i could slap myself! Thanks for the those word's appreciated and helpful. Will look up that book. And just thankful there's people out there that will put up with my mad ramblings because I am sick of listening to myself! (&&&)
