I have been all excited about this girl... we went out for dinner, have been messaging etc. Tonight we went out again. I had been looking forward to it all week. But today I felt kinda crap/nervous about the whole thing. She picked me up, we went for dinner. Dinner was fun and nice. Then we went to a club... that was a bit dead but was OK. Somewhere along the line I just lost enthusiasm, and started feeling like I would like to crawl into a hole and die. All these other people who I know and feel comfortable with were there (and some that I have had crushes on), but suddenly I was with her and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I felt worried because she went and danced and I don't dance. I just didn't feel interested in doing anything other than going home and sleeping. Now I'm just so confused because I really liked her and I don't know what happened. I am starting to think that I should just never try dating because it's too hard. Maybe I just have to many me-issues atm and I should just give up on other people until I sort me out. When she dropped me home I didn't know what to do, i.e. if we were meant to kiss or not. She didn't do anything so I just got out of the car. I don't know what I want anymore. I finally got what I have been seeking for so long, and I feel like shit. I don't know what to do
Maybe because there was so much expectation placed on this date it always had a chance to be an anti-climax? Perhaps dancing is not your thing, i'm pretty much in the same boat on that issue. Which can be quite annoying as it is the "done thing" in most clubs and i know how it feels to imagine that you are a bit of a spare part. Perhaps try somewhere else next time other than a club that you will feel more comfortable in? Do you think you have? only you can answer that if you think other things are getting in the way? it's never a bad idea to take a bit of time out after all how can you expect other's to accept you if there's things you can't accept yourself? What ever you do don't shut yourself away from the world of dating, you are to good a person and come through allot to get to where you are today and you deserve a bit of happiness. Hope it all works out (*hug*)
Is it possible that maybe you just liked the idea of her more then you actually liked her and maybe the feelings you had at first were just excited-ness? No that'd be ridiculous. perhaps now is just not a good time for you? Maybe this isn't such a bad idea. If you feel you need to work out personal issues then maybe you should. (*hug*)
Hey (*hug*) I dont think you should be too hard on yourself, I think the others made a good point in that maybe you just built the date up so much in your own mind that it was hard for it to live up to what you expected. Its also possible that because its all new you spent so much time worrying about it and being nervous that you exhausted yourself out. Its important to remember that if you decided you dont really like her and you dont want to try again you havent lost anything. If you do want to try again then go for it.
Thanks guys. I'm not sure if my expectations were too high - maybe. I suppose I was just expecting that if I liked someone I would really enjoy being with them. I suppose it's confusing because I have been wanting to meet someone for so long, and now that I have, I don't know if it's what I want. Also, I am starting to worry again that I'm asexual. I mean, sometimes I think kissing/sex etc would be really good, but I dunno... myabe I'm just too scared. But when it comes to the moment, kissing isn't something I'd particularly want to try. I don't know how to tell if it's that she's not the right person for me, or if something else internal is mucking me up and making me think it's all crap when it shouldn't be. When I said "me-issues", I mean, I've got anxiety/depression and have been on a bit of a rollercoaster. I don't think that's ever going to go away though, so I don't know if there is any point in trying to sort that out before dating. Also, maybe dating would make it better. But obviously it didn't
Hi there! As it was mentioned above, try not to be too hard on yourself, and in many ways you haven't lost anything by meeting her. Giving it a try and seeing how it goes is already something to be proud off. See, if you wouldn't have gone out with her for dinner and to the dance club, you probably wouldn't have learned a couple of things about yourself. Sometimes, we need to face things in order to be able to make better sense of them. Okay, dancing isn't your thing but remember you still have a good time at the dinner. I wouldn't worry about as to whether you have kissed when you got out of the car, because on the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter. What matters is that you had a nice dinner and maybe also had a nice chat with her. You have something on which you can build on. If you feel split on whether sex/kissing would be good or it is something you want to do, it could also be a sign of not being ready at this stage for it. As you get to know someone and as you date someone for a longer period of time, you will perhaps become more comfortable with kissing and having at some stage sex with that person. For some, kissing or being intimate is a major step and perhaps what you are looking for first is someone with whom you can have a connection with and also be able to trust that person. Maybe as you build up that trust and get to know that person, your desire to kiss that person (or at least give it a try) will come. Everybody is different in how they share their 'desires' and feelings for someone. What is important is that you need to feel comfortable within you. If at the end you come to the conclusion that you are asexual, hey, that's totally cool too. I think addressing some of the issues that you are dealing with could be helpful. The more you feel that you have given the things you need to deal with or address the attention that they deserve and tried to deal with them, the more at ease you might also be. In other words, trying to get some help in dealing with your anxiety and depression, can only make you stronger. At the same time, I think that meeting someone and trying to go on dates or perhaps trying to get to know people can also help. Even if a date doesn't work out, the important thing to remember is that you have given it a try (which is already something to be proud off) and that somewhere within you, you know that you had a good (if not great) time. Plus, you can take things from that forward and learn from them. Maybe give it a couple of days, and if you want, maybe give her a call and ask her if she would like to join you for another dinner and just talk. Maybe don't see it as a 'date' but rather as a chance to meet and get to know someone. The more you get to know her, and the more you allow her to get to know you, the better you will be able to evaluate your own thoughts and feelings. At the very least, you will create a friendship. Hope this helps a bit! (*hug*)
