okay , tomorrow is the last day of school and finals and i should be excited and thrilled .. but ive been dreading this day for months .. im going to grade 9 .. and ive decided to switch schools because this school is 1) exhausting .. we have 4 tests every week -other than pop quizzes / quizzes made by teachers- 2) i finish school at 3:00 pm which is alot for me (most schools finish at 2 max. here) 3) im known as the 'gay kid' and that sucks .. ive told all my secrets to some ppl and eventually it spread out to the whole school .. im tired of laughing it off and lying about it .. i wouldnt want my dad to walk into the school and see someone say 'hey , fag/cock lover' to me (which is only what some ppl call me) 4) i dont feel like i 'fit in' .. its a great school (one of the best here) and all .. but its just made for me .. its a place for straight jocky show-offs and that is soo not me 5) ive had certain 'situations' i dont want to talk about with some kids here (nothing sexual) the school im moving into is .. well a school. Its not the most sophisticated school and ppl have mixed opinions on it (its alot cheaper so im expecting the quality of the students to be lower .. just expecting) now i have 3 more problems that i cant discuss with anyone else except you guys 1) in the school im in now i have some friends who are really acceptive and are very good to me (ive come out to them but we're only 'school friends' .. cant blame them for not socializing with the 'gay kid' :icon_sad but still at school they are great .. i dont like hearing/helping them plan their week-ends and we they will go out knowing that i wont come with them (i usually sit with other ppl as it comes close to the weekend or i try to pretend that im not listening) 2) one or 2 of my acceptive 'school friend' (mostly one .. but the other's fine too) im madly in love with .. he is everything ive ever wanted in a guy and im very sure i wont find someone better suited for me .. hes so .. perfect :tears:.. but as usual .. straight , a virgin (he's never masturbated and he's proud of it) even though he gets boners and talks about girls and flirts with me every once in a while (he knows how i feel and he does nothing about it) .. ive done everything he's ever asked for .. he even saw me naked a couple of times .. but he's made it clear that he will only lose his virginity to his wife (awwwww) he's the kind of guy i could just TALK to all night .. or just cuddle or kiss .. and id be completely content we sat for around 45 minutes today (between the 2 finals sessions and we sang together and talked and joked and laughed and everything (i tried to grab his *ehem* and he took my hand off and we just continued singing 'your love is my drug' :rolle 3) in the new school where i wanted to start a new fresh chapter in my life .. i find an old guy i had *ehem* with .. and it was a disgusting experience (i never told anyone this .. but i had my first kiss with him .. and he totally forced me into it so i dont count it as an official first kiss .. although it was the only one .. guys here consider blowjobs/fucking straight but kissing/cuddling gay .. freaky) and even though he is very dumb he's sure he can go into school because his dad has 'acquaintance' in the school (although i thought the qualifying exam (or whatever its called) was hard enough to make him not pass into the school at first and was really happy .. turns out there's more than a way to get accepted Dx) and i really dont like doing it in a school and i really dont like getting fingered while trying to understand factoring and linear equations so there you have it .. a long boring post ive erased a couple of times and dont feel like posting :icon_redf sorry english isnt my first language and its hard for me to explain in english .. any advice is appreciated i will try to ignore the guy i hooked up with (or if you have other suggestions i would love to hear them) but i dont know how i will get over my crush .. its a been a year and the crush isnt wavering :bang: .. any advice on getting over straight crushes would be very helpful
well I wish I could offer great advice on getting over straight crushes but I cant. In my experience in time I get over it. However it gets depressing since I cant have him.
Good for you for getting out of that school. It sounds like a hell hole. Since you don't hang out with that guy outside of school, and you are leaving the school, that should help you get over him. Also when you get to the new school try to occupy your time with something that keeps you busy. As for the other guy, if you don't want to do anything with him and he makes you That is rape. The kissing probably isn't but the fingering and pretty much anything else he could do besides kissing that I can think of would most likely qualify (most likely because I don't know the laws in your country) If he tries to do anything like that tell him no. One last thing. You can't continue to restrict yourself from people. I understand it because I have the same problem where I keep people at arm's length but you can't treat everyone like that. You say you can't blame your friends for only socializing with you while in school but you don't sit near them when the weekend is near and pretend you don't hear them? If someone isn't hanging out with you outside of school that doesn't mean they don't want to perhaps they feel odd because you've never socialized outside of school before. Perhaps they're wondering why you've never invited them to hang out outside of school. I'm sorry if I misunderstood something because I often misunderstand things but I think I understood. (*hug*)(*hug*)
time doesnt heal it .. chocolate and GaGa songs help though i wish i can get over him .. i keep telling myself 'he's straight , dont mess with him , he's not mine , etc.' and it all goes away once i see him :eusa_doh: oh no , ksa has very strong laws against homosexuality (and raping i guess lol) .. its just that im afraid he'd tell ppl that we've done it before (espcially my family) .. but ill play the 'religious straight reformed guy' card on him .. i dont plan to come out to anyone in the new school because it just causes trouble .. ill be binging and suffering from anxiety so ill be busy ;S i go out with many ppl from my class (the class is divided into groups and im just cool with everyone except the horny group who keeps on objectifying women .. those make me sick) .. its just that the group i actually want to go out with are a sort of 'clique' .. they're nice at school .. but outside i think we live in different worlds .. meh i wont see them after tomorrow anyway you understood perfectly well and i see now that it might not be me .. it could be a big misunderstanding .. but that crush (lets call him brown eyes) is the one .. why wasnt i born a girl ! he'd totally be into me if i was a girl :X
