1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I'm having a bit of a dilemma..please help

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Tiny Catastrophe, Jun 29, 2010.

  1. Tiny Catastrophe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2009
    Messages:
    728
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Long Island, New York
    So the past year for me has been full of heart break. Both my ex girlfriends cheated on me and I'm still pretty scarred from it. My friend introduced me to his friend Sam and her and I became best friends. We talk every day and hang out almost every day and tell each other everything. She is also bi. I realized that I've been crushin on her for a while now and I'm afraid to tell her for a few reasons: I don't want to make things between us awkward because she's one of my best friends and the other reason is that at the moment she's really heart broken over this guy who keeps coming in and out of her life and messing with her head. Sam and I had talked about hooking up just for fun and we agreed to do it but now that this boy is back in her life in a way I don't know where I stand with her and I don't want to say anything to her because she's really upset and I'm trying to be a good friend to her. I don't know if I should tell her how i feel or keep it to myself and just hope it passes or wait a while. I'm lost. Any suggestions on what i should do?
     
  2. seadog

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2009
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Life in the truth. Share with her how you feel.
     
  3. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there! That's a tough one. (*hug*)

    Given everything you know about her, do you feel that telling her as to how you feel, would create distance between the two of you? Has she ever given you any indications that she might have some feelings for you too? If you don't tell her, will the feelings that you do have for her become overwhelming for you?

    Those questions asked, a friend of mine once said that honesty and humility are the best ingredients in any relationship. In some ways, sharing your feelings about her and being honest with her about how you feel, and being able to do that, could also strengthen the friendship even more. If you feel that you have reached a point where it is on your mind constantly and it interferes with the things you need/want to do then maybe talk with her.

    If you do decide to talk with her, be honest with her about what the friendship that you do have means to you, and that you are saying this to her not to hurt her, but rather of you wanting to be honest with her and that whatever the answer is the friendship will continue and that you will be there for her. Like this, you already remove some of the awkwardness that could come as a result of you telling her. If you are best friends, and tell each other everything, and trust each other, I don't think she will run away or won't talk to you afterward.

    That said, with the guy that is causing her and has caused hardship for her, do you feel that she still has feelings for him? If you feel, based on what she has told you so far, that yes she still likes him and wants to pursue a relationship with him then I would suggest to wait it out and perhaps try moving on as best as you can.

    Hope this helps a bit!
     
  4. Tiny Catastrophe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2009
    Messages:
    728
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Long Island, New York
    i know she still has feelings for him but they were never in a relationship and it doesnt seem like thats what he wants from her and if she does pursue a relationship with him she will only get hurt because he is not a good guy and im not saying that because i have feelings for her. im saying it because ive been in a similar situation and i know it wont turn out the way she hopes it will. im honestly confused about my feelings. i dont know if im just sort of clinging to her because she helped me threw my last relationship that just recently ended badly and that im just looking for someone to be there or i dont know
     
  5. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there!

    Given that you are still trying to figure out your own feelings for her, maybe try to understand them better first before talking with her or starting to go down that path.

    Maybe ask yourself, do I have these feelings for her mainly because she helped me out? Do I have a real physical attraction to her?

    I am sure that her helping you out and turn the page as it where has given you a base for a closer friendship to develop because she obviously cares about you and wanted to be there for you. And from what you have mentioned, the same goes for you. Sometimes, friendships can become really close where the lines of friendship and deeper feelings become blurred, because the friend, in your case your best friend who has helped you through some tough times and has been there for you, has come to mean a lot to us.

    Maybe try to take a step back, and try to find an answer to the question "what kind of an attraction do I have to her?" You will find the answer in continuing building the friendship and talking to her but also in trying to spend more time with other friends, so that you have something to compare your feelings for her to.

    Hope this helps a bit! (*hug*)