Seriously, I feel that I've been worrying about everything all the time now lately. Always worrying about what I'm doing and how it affects me and how it affects everyone else. This isn't even mostly about sexuality or anything like that either. It feels like such a waste of time. I'm just having one of those days where I'm fed up at everyone and everything. And usually I'll have heart-to-hearts with my mom every once in a while, but it's hard to do even that now because all I keep thinking about is how I'm supposed to be honest but still lying right to her face about things. And then if I tell her I don't feel like talking or seem uninterested, she gets mad since I won't talk to her about things. Even more I just want to sit in my room and have a pity party for myself, listening to sad music, but I can't even do that, since I'm helping my dad drive around for work cause he lost his license. And to top it all off, while I was parked waiting for my dad at one of his stops, someone called the police to come to my car because they thought I was doing inappropriate things in the driver's seat. Great. FML. So yeah, sorry for ranting and venting. But I've already been down the "bottling my feelings" road, and it takes too much effort to do it again. And there isn't really anyone I can talk with in person right now. Plus I can say almost anything I need to here with little worry of anyone I know actually getting hold of it.
Yeah sure rant away, there's always someone here willing to listen. I rant allot myself! We all get those day's just don't let it get you down too much.
Oh, and that was the other thing, expectations. Lately it's seeming like my best isn't good enough at anything. I can understand if it was something competitive amd I wasn't good enough, but these are more of a "I'm not even good enough at being alive" kinda deal. Don't worry, I'm not going suicidal or anything, just frustrated. It's like if my best isn't good enough, what more do you want me to do? And since when was I not good enough to even be me? /sigh
We all have days like these. Don't worry these feelings of inadequacy will pass, they always do. In the mean time, try to force yourself into doing something to take your mind off of it. Something that usually helps people is working out or getting any kind of physical activity because it releases endorphins which can put you in a much better mood!
Hi there! *Deep breath*! Sorry that you had some rough/bad days and that things don't seem to be going all too well. But here is the good news. By venting you have already started to let all the bottled up feelings out. It sounds like that you have a really good relationship with your mum and if you feel that you can talk with her about things, try to open up a bit and try to let her know about the things that are bothering you. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, could you perhaps call a friend and ask him/her if you could talk for a bit? Also, and I don't know about what kind of things you are worrying about, if there are things that are beyond your control, try not to worry about them. The more you worry about things that are beyond your control, the greater the pressure that you are placing on yourself will be, and thus, the feelings of being down/depressed will become stronger. On the other hand, if there are things that you can control take a step back and try to think about as to who you can address the things/issues/problems that you are worrying about. Once you have figured something out, try to approach them in that way. Often times, the attempt or a try to address things that we are worrying about can help in finding ways to deal with things. From what you have mentioned in your second post, it sounds like that you are dealing with a bit of a self esteem/self-worth issue and placing perhaps too high expectations on yourself, could actually contribute to you feeling down, because you are not meeting the expectations that your are setting yourself. Try to think about the expectations that you are placing on yourself and maybe bring them down a little bit. For example, if you are studying for an exam, rather than placing high expectations on yourself of getting an 'A' or an 'A+' on it, aim for an 'A-'. If you go swimming, instead of aiming for 10 lanes, aim for 5. If you go jogging, instead of aiming for 5km on your first try, aim for 1 or 2km. Do you see where I'm going with this? If you have expectations that you can meet and convert them in achievable goals, and achieve them, your self-esteem and self-worth will rise, because not only are you achieving things that perhaps awake a sense of pride within you, but you will also meet the expectations that you have for and placed on yourself. If you go into things with low expectations or perhaps more realistic expectations, the chances are that you will meet or perhaps even exceed these expectations. You can build on expectations as you meet them. And that is key. As you meet your expectations, the sense of being good enough, and having given it your best will also come. The sense of feeling better about yourself will also come. If you have to do things for others, you can meet their expectations and yours, by asking for clarifications as to what exactly you need to do or what is expected of you. You know what your abilities are. You know what you can achieve. Once you have the information what is expected, think about your abilities, and build your own expectations around that. In other words, try to meet the expectations (assuming they are realistic) by trying to align your own expectations about what you can do, and can achieve with them. Another thing you could do, is to immerse yourself in your hobbies or things that you like doing for a little while. Doing things that you like, and know are good at, will give you a sense of accomplishment. Try to pursue your favorite hobby and honestly it doesn't matter what it is. Do that for an hour or so everyday, and use that to start building up some self esteem as well. If you look at the things you have already done and achieved, I am sure that somewhere within there you will find that you have given it your best and you have accomplished things. Look back at your accomplishments and achievements, and it doesn't matter what they are, and use them to remind yourself that giving it your best was good enough. I hope this helps a bit! (*hug*)
It sounds like you have been having a crap day. Well We all have those days and I would take it with a pinch of salt and in regards to your Mum just keep it cool you will come out when your ready.
It's not even that I have self-esteem issues (or nothing beyond the norm); on the contrary, I think it's been better than the last couple of years. Between family drama starting to get wrapped up, going off to my school of choice next year, having a job to keep me preoccupied and make money, and being more socially active than I have the rest of my high school life, I'm actually feeling pretty good for the most part. Of course, I'm still feeling a little stung my the things that came up over the last couple days, but I'd still say I'm feeling decent. Just frustrated. I understand that I can't live up to everyone's expectations... but the whole thing just kind of came as a blow to me. The main issue was that apparently my attitude has been a problem (well hell, since I'm working through sexuality stuff secretly, I'm just a little more stressed than usual), so I told myself I'd try as hard as I could to be the most pleasant, regular self I could the last couple of weeks. And IMHO, I did. Didn't really argue with anyone, got along fine, everyone seemed happy. Until a couple days ago, apparently everyone feels that I could do better. I explained that I'd tried the best I could to do what I did, and that I'm sorry if it wasn't good enough, but more did they want me to do? It came down to how it was basically my fault, even though it takes 2 people to argue, etc. etc. Isn't even something I can try and explain to them because arguing with them always leaves me in the wrong, even if it's not my fault. It's just one of those moments where thinking back on it, all I've got to say is "Wait... what?" So yeah, I'm not feeling too bad, because I still have the whole "I'm right and this is me etc. etc." self-worthy feeling going on. I'm more just dumbfounded that everything happened like that. And I know harsh things are said without second thought, and that it'll clear up within a day or two, and at the end of the day it really isn't a big deal... I just had to vent somewhere though, or else vent to them and make things (potentially) worse. Anyway, thanks for all the replies guys, it's nice to feel cared about. I appreciate it.
