I'm sure my bitterness will pass (as I am usually not a bitter person), but lately I've grown tired of being around other gay guys. Before moving to a new city a few months ago, most of my friends were gay and I felt a lot more comfortable hanging out with them (compared to hanging with straight guys who may or may not have an issue with homosexuality). Now that I've moved, however, I've discovered that hanging out with friendly straight people (both male and female) is, in a way, more low maintenance and relaxing than trying to make friends with other gay people. Sure, there are certain things (such as talking about hot guys) that I can't necessarily bring up comfortably with straight people. But it seems that most of the straight people I've hung out with were: a)not as judgmental and were open to actually talking to me; b)didn't have ulterior motives behind talking to me- therefore talking to me because I interested them as a person; and c)weren't out to spread rumors or cause drama simply because of something I said. Specifically: 1)To think that 30 is old and that people over a certain age are unsuitable for dating is ridiculous (to an extent). People are attracted to who they are attracted to- and most people tend to want to date others within about 5-6 years of their age. I can certainly understand that if you're 19-22, you think that 30+ is an entirely different league (I wouldn't want to date someone that young anyways). But for a 23 year-old to say that he wants to date someone who is older (ie- closer to 30) but still "young at heart" is just plain offensive. Seriously, I'm 28, but I certainly don't go to bed at 9pm and I'm certainly not old enough to be your father. 2)IMO, one isn't "slutty" just because they hook up with other guys every now and then- especially if you're single like I am. Some guy said I was such just because I told him I hooked up with a guy (and I only do that every so often). But seriously, everyone is H-U-M-A-N. To get off by yourself gets really boring after a while; it's 10x more enjoyable if you do it with someone else- even if you know that the intimacy will only last for one night. So as long as you're not a sex addict and you do it safely, what the hell is wrong with hooking up now and then if it feels right and the opportunity just happens to present itself? 3) One of the subjects of the documentary "50 Faggots" said it best about the gay male community: "..I don't think it's a brotherhood at all...I don't think it's any kind of 'hood'....everyone's just out for themselves..and sex..as a subculture, we're just so lost." I know that some people will be put off by my rant, but it's just something I had to let out. Maybe it has something do with the fact that I'm having trouble finding community in the place I'm living in now (even though I've tried to find activities with people I think I'd get along with). I just wish gay men weren't socialized so much around bars, clubs, alcohol and the notion that only people in their early-mid 20's are beautiful.
Well, I can see where you're coming from. I'm 29 and I certainly don't concider myself "old". But you need to remeber that we all thought that way were that age, it is just part of being younger, I guess. You probably feel like hanging with straight guys is less stressful because maybe in the back of your mind you feel you need to impress those other gay guys, but with straight there is no need because you know things won't go anywhere. Any who those my thoughts do with them what you will. Good Luck out there
I hear you. I'm going to be 27 in a couple weeks and feel the same way about the drama. It's interesting to consider your "subculture" comment. The whole reason there's a "subculture" at all is the discrimination by the majority for so long, and the failure to accept homosexual love as equally deserving of support in the community. I often wonder whether the subculture's days are numbered as support for same-sex marriage continues to spread. (Ironically, isn't that what social conservatives should want?!?)
Where are you meeting these gay guys that consider "sexually active" to be synonymous with "slutty?" I don't think all gay men are that judgmental, but it sounds like the ones you've run into are especially so. You could always meet gay men by joining clubs or organizations that are activity-based rather than purely social, like an all-gay choir or something. At least there may be a greater amount of diversity so that not everyone is so judgmental...
I'm sorry to hear that dude. I've only hung out with gay guys I'm out to a few times, but they were really kool. I mostly only hang out with straight guys and they're great, but I really wanna have at least 1 gay friend that I regularly hang out with. As long as you have people that you can relate to, that's the most important thing. Maybe the gay guys you're hanging out with aren't people that you have a lot of things in common with. And maybe the straight guys you're hanging out with are people you do have more in common with, and that your sexuality isn't the binding factor in your friendships.
K So thank-you for stating EXACTLY what I've been thinking these days. And me I'm 22 and yet even I'm being turned down by guys my own age -_- I'm going to quote parts of your post and respond to each of them individually if thats okay with you. I know exactly what you mean here, I hang out with more straight people in my school's drama club and I find it so much easier. I mean hell, I found out in the Pride group at the main campus of my school, a friend of mine went to one of their events or coffeehouses and even though I think probably only one of them knew me, they were spreading rumours saying that 1. I get around a lot, and 2. I get around a lot unprotected. This pissed me off so much. While they don't even know me, they apparently think that they can just make up shit about me. My straight friends? Yeah they don't do that at all. Personally I'd like to date a guy in their late twenties/30 years, because they'd probably have a lot more maturity than my age group. But the one problem I find is guys this age group don't want to date someone 19-24 because generally we're still in school while you guys are out of school and starting your lives while we're just in the process of developing ours...so that's my reasoning behind why I can't really date older guys...which is a lot better tho than the reasoning many my age group have lol...no offense to those on here who maybe have a different reason than just "Oh you're 'too old'" I agree. Personally I don't mind much having a friend to help. But people like my ex-roommate who's slept with almost 100 guys in less than two years? That's what we'd call slutty. Hmm I should check this documentary out...quite interesting.... Don't apologize. Speaking your mind is what founded this country (well...I'm in Canada but you know what I mean). So don't apologize.
