I just made a thread but I specifically need support and advice about my situation right now. Last Thursday (5 days ago) I knew I had to cut the grass. No big deal. Except I woke up that morning with a headache and extremely depressed. I mean, like I wasn't eating or anything. I told my Mom via text. When she got home from work the 1st thing she said was "ok better get to that grass before it gets dark". I explained to my Mom again the way I was feeling. Her response was "y'know the best cure would be to cut the grass". I felt so angry and disrespected. I'm taken seriously by literally no-one. My sister walked by and said "he still sick?" sarcastically and they both started fucking laughing. So I went to start of the ancient lawnmower that we've had to get fixed like 3 times in one month. As soon as I started pushing an orange-ish red flash came out the side of it and I backed off and told my Mom "I'm not working with that shit". She turned the lawnmower back on and it did it 3 more times and I started flipping out telling her to let go and she did. She started flipping out and was like "you're not gonna dodge cutting the grass!" and I told her it wasn't safe and she said, word for word "fine you've got 5 minutes to pack up your shit and get the fuck out of my house!". She doesn't use the f-word very often which shows she was genuinely pissed off over something so pointless. I called my Dad (who I don't see too often anymore) and he picked me up. The next night, Friday, she called me. She said "you can be a part of this family when you cut the grass and stop mocking me as an adulteress". I'm sorry but having an affair with someone else's husband is fucked up I don't care who you are. I told her "I'm more than happy to cut the grass if you get it fixed" and she went crazy on me again and started yelling about how I disrespect her. I get made fun of and disrespected by her 24/7 which I point out and she goes into "try-to-piss-me-off mode" and goes "I can disrespect you I'm the parent. I own you like I own a slave". She gets psycho. So I've been staying at my Dad's for the past 5 days. It just doesn't feel right. I don't miss my Mom, but I just miss my room. Here I am, 11:09 PM, sitting here depressed in a room I haven't slept in in 2 years. I just wish things weren't so hard. I don't feel like this is my home. I just want to be out of school and I want a boyfriend. I want to feel cared about. I don't know what to do. I need some advice or support or something. Thanks if you read through my bitching
Well I know how it is but just with my Dad, In all seriousness the grass really wouldn't take that long to cut know would it? So I would go back when you ready cut the grass and be done with it. If you Dad has a lawnmower then bring his round.But if you stay away from your Mum like now for a very long time then, it's going to be harder to rebuilt bridges. And it will also be harder to come out to her.
Oh my gosh ... Seriously it is just like MY case ! One day, I felt really bad and had a big headache and blablabla and I forgot to wash a plate and my mom went back from work and began yelling at me 'cause I forgot to wash a plate but I told her to calm down because of the way I felt that night, and she got crazier and asked me to pack my stuff and to go live with my dad. It's that simple. lol. What I did. For 6 months. At the beginning, it was really tough because my dad and I were not really in good terms, but I don't know. I think I found good ways to handle the problem. I took the chance to do things I had never time to do when I was still living with my mom. For exemple: watching the complete seasons of a TV show, take regular walks at night to discover the region blabla. Maybe it sounds ridiculous, but when you have the "chance" (if I can call it that way) to live somewhere else, than use that chance, and CHANGE your way of life That is cool, that is fresh and it helps to solve your problem (ex. the one you have with your mom) from an other point of vue. My birthday passed and blabla. Never got a call from my mom for that And I didn't care. Because I simply didn't care anymore about her. Just like you do. And of course sometimes it was weird to think that way, so I was calling friends to go out and change my mind. I'm really proud of one thing though : it allowed me to know my dad better, which was a really good chance for me. (You see? This is what I'm saying by "taking that chance to change your way of life"). But I assure you, the best thing to do is to live your life as it goes on. Maybe you are gonna stay there 3 more days, maybe 2 months or even a year, but you can't deny that she is your mom and that you are her son. Of course, it doesn't give her the right to insult you or anything, but same thing for you. Maybe you should stay over your dad's longer than you think? Take some time for YOU ... Try to enjoy what you have at the moment, and you are the ONLY one that can find a distraction right now. Do things you've never done before and enjoy this stay over your dad's. But take a little of your time to make the point! Hope it helped, seriously. I know what you're going through.
Your mom sounds exactly like mine. She sees chores as some kind of control/dominance thing, and she'll flip out if something doesn't get done. Personally, I don't understand, but I know she's dealing with her own issues - it's her way of dealing with the fact that she doesn't know how to deal with life, how to interact normally with people. I see it as the act of a person who's pretty much constantly confused and in distress, so I try not to blame her for it. I guess the way I see it, even the worst parents are people who are (or aren't) dealing with their own problems and sometimes don't know how to cope any better than we do, and we tend to not see that through the stupid crap they do. That doesn't change the fact that I'm planning on moving out so I don't have to put up with it. :rolle: I just thought that might help coping with her behavior itself. If you really want to go home, like someone else said, you could just cut the grass. If it's still broken, maybe your dad can help you take it to get fixed? Anyway - it sounds like you're at least on good terms with your dad. Have you talked to him about this? Because I understand you want to go home, but it might actually help to be away from your mom for a while. You haven't given a lot of details about anything prior to this, but if this is a pattern (her getting angry at you and not listening to reason), it probably won't stop just because you cut the grass this time. I don't want to assume, but that's how it started with my mom, when my brother and I were in high school, and it's just gotten worse as time's gone on. :bang:
Some good points have been made by others, so I won't go on too long. It sounds like you and your dad get on pretty well, so why not hang out there for awhile? If all you miss is your room, couldn't you ask your dad to help you clean out your room at your mom's house and just move out? It sounds to me like getting out of your mom's house is a smart move, and I don't think you should be all that anxious to move back in. Move out for reals, and stay out. Figure out the relationship in a few years when you're an adult and can tell her to go take a long walk off a short pier if you need to without fear of repercussions. You don't need to be dealing with her toxicity and high school. I mean, there's always more than meets the eye, but it seems like if she's flaking out you not cutting the grass because the lawnmower is broken, something's gone wrong.
Yeahhh I think we all have mother issues. As a matter of fact, she tried to get me to go cut the grass yesterday after watching me get violently ill for fifteen straight minutes. She said, "The air outside will do you good." ... I couldn't even take two steps without having to crawl back to the bathroom. *sigh* I just have a bias against most parents in general though, lol. Really, it doesn't matter if/when you go cut her grass. If she doesn't take you seriously the first time, she never will, dude. Obviously you're just going to run into more problems there. Does your father ever seem more understanding about stuff?
Thanks guys. Thing is, me and my Mom are constantly on edge with each other. Now what I'm going to say isn't me trying to look for sympathy but it's just explaining things. When I was 7, my Mom was having an affair with this guy that lived around the block from us. After almost a year my Dad found out and they got a divorce. Now it's not bad enough that she had cheated on my Dad, but when she stayed with that guy for the next 3 years, he was an asshole and a psycho (no he didn't abuse or molest me). Me and my 2 sisters tried to warn her and she blew us off. They gave up but I couldn't let go. I fucking like 8 it was instinct to keep trying to get through to her. After they broke up, everything came out like we said and she still hasn't apologized. She admitted to "turning on me" (that's how she put it) but she hasn't apologized. Now she's in the middle of an affair with a married man who's muslim. I don't have anything against muslims but we're catholic and no-one is changing religions. She knows I know. We always argue about it and when I use Todd (guy she cheated on my Dad with) as an example she says "stop living in the past". I wouldn't need to use that example if she would change. But it's been 4 years since her and Todd broke up and she hasn't change. She also doesn't trust me. She took in this lady from Kenya to live with us for a year when I was 13. We had known her for 3 weeks. You guys are really great at giving support. People of all ages can relate. I just needed to explain kinda why things are the way they are between me and my Mom.
It sounds like you care a lot about your mother and you want her to make good choices for herself and your family. It sounds like she knows you disapprove of her behavior, but arguing with her about it has so far gotten you nowhere. My advice is to accept that your mothers actions are essentially "her problem," and to give up trying to change her. Let her make mistakes for herself, and let go of the responsibility you may feel for her actions. In regards to mowing the lawn, I would recommend wearing protective clothing like jeans and closed-toe shoes and having a source of water nearby in case something catches fire. The lawn sounds like something that you are responsible for that you have the ability to change, unlike your mom. Your feelings are valid and I'm not telling you to change them, but rather it is important to be able to stop your feelings from hindering your ability to get a job done.
Yeah I need to stop trying to change her. As much as I feel I don't care about her, I keep finding myself trying to get through to her. I'm just trying to protect her and she sees it as attacking. No-one else has or would try to get through to her like I have. 8 years of this shit with her. As for the lawnmowing, I don't think I should have to defend myself from explosions and shit. We need a new lawnmower and I need to finish high school and put my ass in trade school lol.
