So I just had a little mini break down thinking about how much of my life I feel like I'v wasted by being too scared to admit what I am and live the way I want to. If I didn't transfer colleges, I'd be going into my senior year of college next year. That puts into perspective the fact that I'm not going to have school anymore in only two years now. To be honest, I'm not sure what to think. I'm happy to get started with life, but more and more it's looking like it's harder than what I have now. School is fun and social, I can talk to people and meet people pretty easily because we're forced to hang out. In a work situation I tend to keep to myself and get my work done. I'm not an incredibly social person in those situations. But I'm thinking more and more that I'm going to end up being too scared to put myself out there and join clubs and do things once i'm out of school... I'm getting nervous that I wont do anything with my life and I'll never meet anyone significant in my life. Everyone's got years on me in that department and I dont want to be alone my whole life. I need to overcome this fear of being myself and keeping it a secret from my parents and roommates. As much as I know I need to tell them, whenver I get close I trick myself into not doing it. I start thinking way too much and I tell myself, I dont want to ruin what I have now because I am happy with the way things are in my life except for not being out to them. Anyways I'm just trying to think about what life after school is supposed to be like. Like are people expected to go out and make friends somehow, not that I have none now. But will I have to worry about joining groups and clubs and getting interested in things? Because as it is right now, I'm just not interested in things. I can't think of any clubs or groups or anything I actually would be interested in joining... I know there are people who are out of college on these forums, what do you guys do besides work? How do you remain social once you're not being forced to spend time with people you're own age in a situation where it's acceptable to fool around and have parties?
Hi there! Take a deep breath and try to relax a bit! (*hug*) Reading through your post, I think you might be worrying a bit too much about things down the road. I think it would be better if you take it one day/week at a time. It is easy (as you have come to learn) to get worked up or stressed out about things that you can't really control at this point in your life. That said, there are things you can do now, to help you in building and maintaining a social network after you have graduated from college. There must be something that you are interested in. If not, it might be good if you explore different things that might interest you. Maybe start looking into a hobby or some social activity that you would enjoy doing. For example, when I have the time, I join a gay men social group for coffee in town, and attend a regular LGBT event which is hosted once a month, meet/go out with friends, jog on a regular basis, trying to improve my photography, and volunteer. You don't have to worry about joining clubs or groups, but it can definitely help in creating a wider and stronger social network. It might take some time but being in college, gives you the opportunity to join various clubs and activities for free that could and would give you some insights into what you might be interested in. If you haven't done so yet, why not, look them up and just see what they are all about. If one or two of them spark an interest maybe try joining them. Often times, you will find similar groups in the wider community which could give you a starting point for building up your social network outside of school, or once you have graduated. Being active in the community or volunteering can also help in meeting/getting to know people, which can help you to build up your social network/life as well. Plus, it is one way to 'put yourself out there' as it were. As you get to know people in different social settings, the chances of finding the significant someone are there. I'm sure that some of your current friends will still be around as well. Try to maintain your connections with them so that even after you graduate you still have some of your 'old college social network' in place. Now as for coming out and being yourself around your family and others, I think it comes really down to as to whether you feel you are ready to let them know. Before trying it again and tricking yourself into of not coming out, maybe try to look at what would happen if you come out. What I mean here, do you think that your parents (and roommates) would be accepting and supportive when you do come out to them? If you feel that they would be accepting and supportive, maybe use that to build up the courage and confidence in coming out to them. As you have mentioned, you know that you need to tell them for you to be able to explore and live life the way you are meant to live it and be yourself. So you already have a major motivating factor in continuing your coming out. Hope this helps a bit!
