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Please offer some advice on Coming Out to my brother.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by outnproud32, Jun 30, 2010.

  1. outnproud32

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    I've already told my parents that I'm gay 8 months ago (it went really well), and I am now ready to tell my brother ~tomorrow! I was wondering if anyone has already told a sibling.

    Do you have any advice on what worked best? How did the conversation go? Also, I'm not very close to him and we rarely talk, so how should I approach him and begin the conversation?
    Thanks so much for your help!!! :confused:
     
  2. Zumbro

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    How old are the two of you? Do you two live together? What's the situation?
     
  3. outnproud32

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    I'm 18, he's 23. We live in the same house...I'm leaving for college this august & he's out of college job searching.

    I was wondering if anyone could post how their coming out went w/ their brother?
    Thanks!!
     
  4. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    Are you worried that he is homophobic? I don't know your brother, but maybe your parents could give you some ideas on how they would approach him...because they know him really well too. I told my older sister when the timing was right... she was telling me about what was going on in her life and then she assumed that my life was totally easy, and I told her then..but I knew she wasn't homophobic.
     
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there and welcome to Empty Closets! :slight_smile:

    Has your brother ever mentioned something to you that you could use when you talk with him? That would be a good way into the conversation for example. Has your brother ever told you something that could give you a clue as to how he might react?

    When I came out to my sister, I started by talking about a positive remark (everybody needs love) that my sister made about our neighbours who we suspected of being a lesbian couple after seeing them kissing each other on the balcony. Anyways....so I used that as an entry point into the conversation. My coming out to her went really well. Sure she had a few questions but that was it.

    Maybe try to think a little bit about what you would like your brother to know. Sometimes, it is easier to talk when on a walk, or maybe ask your brother to join you in your room, sit down wherever you feel comfortable and start letting him know.

    Hope this helps a bit.
     
  6. GoinStag

    In Loving Memory

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    When one of my sisters was 17, she went to my Mom like "you know I like girls, right?". I mean a lot of girls talk about experimenting or what ever. She's bi.

    My other sister claims to be bi but I don't think she is. She's a feminist so she's all about anything involving freedom and making your own choice and women's rights and pro choice.

    My family ladies and gentlemen lol.
     
  7. coolguy144

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    My brother sort of found out from his girlfriend, and he's a big, tough wannabe UFC fighter, so I was TERRIFIED to tell him.

    But, it all worked out. He's the only one of my three brothers that know, and
    so far, it's been surprisingly easy for me to talk about it openly.
     
  8. Dtownandrew

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    I have a twin brother, and I was always afraid to tell him. He was in the ROTC program at our high school and was always making anti-gay slurs.

    But when I came out of the closet, he became my biggest supporter. He even beat the hell out of this guy who called me a faggot in the parking lot at school. What'll it come down to is that he's your brother, and if he has his head on straight, he'll accept you and still love you. Just tell him that you're gay and that you really need his support, it's that easy.
     
  9. BrettV

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    Great advice. I had a similar situation. I was going through some tough times back around Christmas and was driving with my brother. I was actually going to tell him (none of the family new,) but he made some off handed remark about a friend of his that was gay. It was so out of the blue. It threw me into a tailspin. I didn't say anything. When I came out to my parents (mothers day weekend,) I let them tell him. It went fine. He actually called me and said he was an assh**e and for me to please forgive him.

    I hope it went well with your brother.
     
  10. Filip

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    Well, looking at the time of your posts, I guess you may have already told him by now.

    If you haven't, then here's my story to give some extra courage:

    I always have been pretty close to my brother, but we never really talked about emotional stuff. And he always did like to make remarks that could be regarded as homophobic.
    However, one day, while driving somewhere, it was just the two of us in his car. And we came to the topic of a bit of friction between our mother and his girlfriend. He mentioned that he had hoped I'd get a girlfriend first, so he would have had an easier ride when he got home with a girlfriend.
    At that moment, it just seemed like it was the right time to just open up. I didn't literally tell him I was gay. the conversation went more like:

    me: "well, I wouldn't hold my hopes up for me coming home with a girlfriend"
    him: "Really? You've never met anyone you would date?"
    me: "Oh, I have. They just weren't, you know..."
    him: "Wait, are you telling me you're...?"
    me: "Uh, yeah, it's taken me some time to come to terms with it, but I'm..."
    him: "Like [mutual friend] ?"
    me: "Mmhmm..."

    And that was it. I never mentioned the word "gay", but he was immediately very supportive. Asking the normal questions (when did you know, are you dating anyone, who else knows, etc.) He even revealed he's had his doubts about me beforehand. And ever since, he's been one of my greatest supporters.
    so it went as good as it possibly could go, I think.

    I think my main advice would be to just start talking one-on-one (preferably where other people won't run in to the conversation, and then use any tie-in to coming out. If you don't see an opening, you can even just hijack the conversation, and tell him: "There is something I want you to know about it because I don't want to keep it a secret anymore: I'm gay".
    My guess would be that he'll either be OK with it without question, or will want to ask some basic questions. Even if you aren't all that close, siblings tend to be among the easiest ones to accept. And don't forget he was raised by the same parents that accepted you, so he'll probably have a similar attitude.
     
  11. x2x2x2x2y2

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    I came out to my brother a couple days ago. I didn't really put much thought into it. I called him, talked a bit of chit chat, came out to him, a bit more chit chat, then hung up. He was really shocked but ok with it.

    All you can really do is tell your brother. Then it's his move.