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Damnit, is this what it's going to be like?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by travelinsoul21, Jul 3, 2010.

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  1. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest

    Are all guys just complete assholes? I've been talking to this guy, and he seems really nice and how he isn't looking for a hookup and etc etc etc. And just now we were talking and he's like oh by the way - i like porn, alot. I j/o to it, and on and on and on. Totally killing any attraction i had to him
     
    #1 travelinsoul21, Jul 3, 2010
  2. Black Cat

    Black Cat
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    Well I seriously doubt that all guys are going to be as short and to the point as he was about it. So no, I don't think all guys are complete assholes (although having never dated, I wouldn't really know either way. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)

    And at least he came out with it early, so as to avoid letting it ruin any sort of relationship you two may have started later on down the line.

    Sorry that he turned out to be more of a dud though.
     
    #2 Black Cat, Jul 3, 2010
  3. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest

    Well considering that this was the first time I've talked to a guy that I seriously considering dating, its like a blow to the fucking head. I don't even know what to say to him now
     
    #3 travelinsoul21, Jul 3, 2010
  4. Chip

    Chip
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    I think you'll find that the majority of teen and young adult guys watch porn now and then, and probably a lot of them masturbate to it. As long as it isn't out of control, there really isn't anything wrong with it, and it doesn't mean the guy doesn't care about you.

    A lot of guys, again, particularly in their teens and 20s, have a very high sex drive and so masturbation is often the only practical way to deal with the sex drive. And in my book, spanking it to porn is a lot better (and safer) than going out and having a bunch of random hookups.

    Also... he was honest with you, and frank about his sexuality. Those are both good traits. I wouldn't be so quick to reject him. You may have some negative perceptions about porn (and some of them are certainly justified) but there are a lot worse traits a guy can have than enjoying spanking it to the occasional porn video :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Chip, Jul 3, 2010
  5. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest

    Well he used the word "addicted" Thats when I got turned off. I could deal with occasional watching of porn. I do it myself.


    *woohoo* 200th post!
     
    #5 travelinsoul21, Jul 3, 2010
  6. OutToSea

    OutToSea
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    Give him some slack, he's human. I think it's good that he's open and clear about it. How does him liking porn make him a complete asshole?
     
    #6 OutToSea, Jul 3, 2010
  7. Chip

    Chip
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    Talk to him about what that means. A lot of people toss that word around with things like porn, but studies show that few people (except, typically, those with very addictive personalities) actually have addictions to porn. If he watches it and jerks off every day, that may jsut be a high sex drive... and may go away when he has a boyfriend to fulfill that need.

    But of course, if your "sixth sense" is telling you to stay away, that's another thing entirely.
     
    #7 Chip, Jul 3, 2010
  8. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest

    I don't have a problem with the fact that he watches porn. I get that. But its like something seemed off about him, and then he says that he is addicted to porn, and it makes sense. Makes me not want to have anything to do with him.
     
    #8 travelinsoul21, Jul 3, 2010
  9. OutToSea

    OutToSea
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    If that's the case then you best steer clear of him. Still not seeing why that makes him a complete asshole, though.
     
    #9 OutToSea, Jul 3, 2010
  10. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest

    its just the way he said it. It was like, deal with it. I feel bad for being upset, because outside of that he's a great guy
     
    #10 travelinsoul21, Jul 3, 2010
  11. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    I get that you don't like that fact about him, but how does that make him an asshole? He cared about you enough to tell you. He was trying to warn you before you got emotionally attached. Yes, he has some problems, but the kid is definitely not an asshole.
     
    #11 TheEdend, Jul 3, 2010
  12. BrettV

    BrettV
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    I feel you. I'm not scared of the assholes, but I am scared of the gay stereotype. Just recently saw pics of a gay parade with a bunch of shirtless guys walking with brilliant colored wigs on their heads. It literally scared me .. so much that I forwarded it on to my therapist.

    Not everyone is everyone .. and not everyone will work for you. The trick is to find and figure out what you want and who you're looking for ... then .. the trick is to find that person.

    Great luck.
     
    #12 BrettV, Jul 3, 2010
  13. GoinStag

    GoinStag
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    Well I think it's pretty obvious that all guys jerk off but it sounds like he was probably just trying to turn you on so you'd want to sleep with him. Kinda like oral foreplay lol
     
    #13 GoinStag, Jul 4, 2010
  14. Maddy

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    Nope. And neither is this guy. If you have a gut feeling to keep away, by all means go with it, but like others have said, he's not trying to mislead you or hurt you.
     
    #14 Maddy, Jul 4, 2010
  15. bironey

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    He's probably hinting that he wants to watch porn...with you.
     
    #15 bironey, Jul 4, 2010
  16. Kevin42

    Kevin42 Guest

    I am going to tell you a little bit about myself. I can be a pretty judgmental person, and when I find one thing about a person I don't like I have a tendency to not like them from that point on. However, I figured out that if I go around living life like this, then I am not going to have any friends at all. Now, I am not saying you are like this, or that you were wrong for being turned off by what this guy said. I am just telling you about myself, because if you are similar to me, it's good to realize it and do something about it. No one is perfect, and it is a shame to let one flaw totally ruin a relationship or the chance of a relationship (romantic or friendly).
     
    #16 Kevin42, Jul 4, 2010
  17. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest

    I got the confirmation I needed today. He IS in fact, an asshole. Let me start by saying I had made it clear at this time, still only looking for friends, but if in the future something happened, then that would be great.

    The texts.

    Me - happy 4th of july!!! (mass text sent to alot of people)

    him - ok, i don't think this is going to work out. I need someone who is local, not 2 hours away. I thought you were in --------. Please stop texting me.

    me - (in what i am sure was a totally mature reaction btw) Alright fuck you right back. Asshole. Who needs fucking friends anyway. Have a nice life.

    Now I'm sure that was the WRONG thing to say - so please don't tell me I shouldn't have said it, because it's too late and I realize that it was a bit strong.

    But do you know how long we have been talking? Less than 24 hours. I had considered the possibility of maybe dating him someday, after I move closer to the place he lives, which I have planned to do for a long time, long before I talked to him. But for right now, I had thought I had made it quite clear that this was a "just friends" thing. But whatever. This is ALWAYS what happens to me. Just an awesome start to the day!
     
    #17 travelinsoul21, Jul 4, 2010
  18. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest


    Did not work. lol
     
    #18 travelinsoul21, Jul 4, 2010
  19. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest



    And I know he wasn't trying to mislead me, and i appreciate his forwardness just like i appreciate him confirming pretty much everything I was already thinking this morning.:bang:
     
    #19 travelinsoul21, Jul 4, 2010
  20. Elven

    Elven
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    Yeah after this he would at least deserve the rating of asshole :dry:
     
    #20 Elven, Jul 4, 2010
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