1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Need some advice

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by j3ffyyy, Jul 3, 2010.

  1. j3ffyyy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2010
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hi Everyone!

    I have known I was differnt for a couple of years now, (Im 17 now), and I think I am ready to come out, but i'm not sure how to do it. Nobody knows yet, but I really think that I need to tell somebody so I can get this off of my chest. I hate keeping this part of me a secret from everyone. I don't want to keep going on hiding who I am from everyone. I really don't know what to do, and i'm terrified that my friends won't accept me, or look at me the same ever again. I've had conflicting feelings about my sexuality for awhile but I know now that I am gay, and I have no problem admitting it to myself. I normally don't care what other people think about me, but this has really been bothering me. Any advice would really help me out...

    Thanks Everyone!
     
  2. Spectre

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2010
    Messages:
    259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    The feelings you're having are very common. And a very common response to a post like yours would be "you really learn who your real friends are after coming out." The moral being true friends will accept you for who you are, regardless of sexual orientation.

    That being said, a good starting point would be a friend/family member that you know is accepting of LGBT individuals. Do you know of any that fit that criteria?
     
  3. j3ffyyy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2010
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I don't really know of any family that is specifically accepting of homosexuality, but i don't know that they are particularly against it either. I guess the conversation never really came up before.
     
  4. malachite

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Orlando
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    what your feeling is normal. And, its good you're able to accept yourself at a younger age. Try starting with a trusted friend or family member. One person is the first step it gets esier after that.
     
  5. j3ffyyy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2010
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Everyone says that it get's easier after I come out to a friend or family member the first time...but I can't get myself to do it. Honestly, nothing has ever terrified me more than the thought of disappointing the people around me. I know I am who I am, i won't change...and I don't want to change, but I can't help but feel that I won't ever muster up the courage to actually go through with coming out...
     
  6. Black Cat

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,354
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Believe it or not, you've taken one hell of a first step by simply joining EC! I was in the same position you are exactly one year ago. I'm still not out to anyone, but that's due to a different set of circumstances, so I am afraid I can't offer much by way of advice. But the purpose of my posting in your thread is just to let you know, as others have said, that it is not at all uncommon to feel this way at the start of your coming out journey.

    Welcome aboard! :slight_smile:
     
  7. Spectre

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2010
    Messages:
    259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    Are you able to say it out loud? Have you tried saying to yourself in the mirror "I am gay"?

    There is no reason your being homosexual should be disappointing to anyone. In fact, you and the people close to you should be proud of the fact that you were able to be honest and true to yourself by coming out to them (when the time comes).

    There have been many moments where I could have said something but didn't muster up the courage. Sometimes what it takes is forcing yourself to do it when the opportunity presents itself. After doing it a few times, it just gets easier and easier. I'm not saying you should force yourself to say it if you're really not ready, but it's just something to keep in mind.
     
  8. j3ffyyy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2010
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I can say it out loud. It actually feels really good to write the words "I am gay" on here and to be able to talk to others that have been through or are going through the same thing I am. I just hope I can find the courage to speak up when the time comes. I'm tired of not being able to be me!
     
  9. j3ffyyy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2010
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    OK, first..thanks to everyone that posted! It felt really good to be able to talk about it with other people...(even if we've never met). After taking a couple of nights to really think about it...i was gonna come out to on of my close friends. I was about to text her...but I freaked out completely........my heart is racing right now...i really want to do it, but I can't bring myself to send the message....
    HELP!?!
     
  10. darkcheesse

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2010
    Messages:
    246
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    manchester, england
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    i have found that it is easyist to tell the first person indirectly, i.e text msn, or other non face to face situations. thats how i started to tell people i took me several attemps just to tell my first friend, eventually you just have to bite the bullet and do it. most people i know who have come out of the closet people already had suspicions ages in advance of them telling anyone. not always true like when i tell people i get a look of disbelief, they shocked for a few seconds but most people will be accepting, so bite the bullet when your ready, tell your friend when you have the courage, or just dont think about it and do it. you'll feel better for telling them afterwards maybe not instantly but eventually.
     
  11. BrettV

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2010
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Gender:
    Male
    I completely agree with this. Even with my parents. I sent them an email. They told me that it was the best way too, because it gave them time to really think about what was said and not have to react "in the moment." There are only 3 people I verbally told I was gay, and 2 of them were my business partners and I felt like I had to do it.

    The internet and text messages are our friends.
     
  12. GoinStag

    In Loving Memory

    Joined:
    May 28, 2010
    Messages:
    687
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Metro Detroit, Michigan
    I've probably said this before, but we've grown up being told that "gay is wrong" or "weird". That's why we feel the need to keep it in. Don't feel pressured to come out. Only when you are ready :slight_smile:
     
  13. TroubledRyan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2009
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Mexico
    I think I can help you here...

    listen,your first one,your going to be terrified. I was til about my fourth friend,before it started SLOWLY becoming esayer...actually I kind of didn't even tell my first friend completly, I told her I had to tell her somthing important,and everytime I tryed I couldn't get it out of my mouth til she just asked and I agree'd with her...its very hard-I won't lye to you,and I know the feeling...you just have to fight the feeling and be brave.

    ^ but thats a big step, so take your time :slight_smile:...get nice and comfy with yourself first. But,it does help...alot...I was battling depression before I started telling my close friends,its really a chip off your back you know? Thats just me though haha, not one for keeping big secrets.
     
  14. malachite

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Orlando
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    never ever is a long time. If a year ago someone had said I would be out of the closet and everyone would be cool with it, I'd thought they on Meth.

    It IS hard coming out, so don't be too hard on yourself for finding it hard to do. I found that if I sort of "trapped" myself into it then I had to tell the person.

    My first coming out was to a trusted friend I knew wouldn't judge me, I sent her a text saying I had something REALLY important to tell her asked her to call me when she got home from work.

    Try something like that, and again if you find you can't do it...it isn't a big deal. you're diving head first into something unknown only psychos aren't scared of that.
     
  15. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there! Maybe try the mirror routine first. :slight_smile: Stand in front of the mirror and say out loud, "I want to come out to my friend!" Try to observe as to how you feel. If you feel okay, take a deep breath and try to come out in any way you feel comfortable.

    Even if you still find it a bit too difficult to come out to her at this point, the great thing about trying and thinking about it is that they will help you to become ready.

    Another thing you could do (and as it was suggested above, and that is if you feel it would be too difficult for you to come out in person) is to e-mail her. In your e-mail you can mention how important it is for you that she knows, and your reasons for telling her.
     
  16. caclemor

    caclemor Guest

    Here's a thought from someone who waited a very long time. While i was blessed with a beautiful wife and have two very beautiful children...i lost and learned by waiting until I was 35. Now, I am happy and content and the people that mean the most to me still love me.

    And those who love me the best way they can, because they just can't accept my homosexuality, still love me "the best way they know how."

    So just go for it. I actually did something really bizarre when I came out. I told my administrative assistant before I told anyone else. I did that from 5000 miles away over a phone and told her I was flying back from London to tell my wife. Talk about taking chances. But, it all worked out.

    Be strong and be gentle with yourself. And big hugs.
     
  17. j3ffyyy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2010
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I just did it...i texted her......i dont think I've ever done anything as scary in my entire life.....i've never cried so much, and i don't think i have any nails left after biting them so much, waiting for her reply......it feels SOOO good.....she said she's ok with it....and that nothing would change....but now comes the game of 20 questions......i feel sooooo much better right now....

    Thanks Everyone!
     
  18. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Congratulations on coming out to her! Glad it went so well for you! That's awesome! :slight_smile: