Ok so it's a bit of a long story but I'll try to summarize.. OH and btw this has some kinda explicit details that may make some readers uncomfortable, so be cautious I guess. Unto to story: There's this guy.. he's older than me and he's kind-of a player. He's been with a lot of guys and girls. And yesterday when we were hanging out, it became kinda obvious he was into me (and my female friend as well, but that came later). So time passed and truth or dare was played and then the game ended, but the happenings didn't.. So yah, my libido is usually like next-to-nothing (additionally I consider myself really frigid and inexperienced) so it was him who was coming onto me, like rubbing my back and puting his arm around me and touching me and stuff, and I really liked it to be honest. I like the attention and I like being wanted. He's also a super cool guy! Like he;s the kind of person I'd want to be friends with, u kno? Ok so anyway since two of my friends were present, not too much went down right then.. (I had my shirt and shorts off my boxers on and he gave me like a 1/2 HJ and kind put my u know.. in his mouth for a sec. I didn't finish) and then my one friend kinda freaked out right when we were all going home. So later that night he was texting me telling me how much he thought i was hot etc. etc. and why he'd need to be, uhm, stretching his jaw.. and he told me how attractive he thought I was and how there's a million guys who would do anything to have me:icon_redf and how he was turned on just thinking about me and . . . yah. He also said he wasn't looking for a relationship.. I was kinda like ''hmm well ok'' So i was kinda cool with this idea of being friends with a cool guy and sometimes messin around but then I find out he's saying a lot of the same kinda things to my friend, Mick(a girl) Plus until yesterday I was like 100% virgin, now I'm like 98% virgin, lol. So do I want some of ym first experiences with a player? :eusa_naug or maybe i just want to get it over with so I can enjoy myself and so I know what to do when I'm actually into some1 romantically. TOO MANY VARIABLES :bang: So...... yah, just the idea that I'm perhaps so replaceable to him and not at all special to him makes me not want to do it.. no matter how much fun it may be. Is this the kinda guy my mom warned me about? Do I want to encourage negative gay stereotypes? so many thoughts. Oh and additonal info, I never let him kiss me because I'm DEFINATELY saving that one, and I'd also never go all-the-way with him. Ok advice please because FUCK I need it.
Once it's gone, you can't get it back. Is it worth it? My suggestion is to wait until it's with someone you love. Only you know what you're worth.
This post somehow reminded me how the whole virginity issue is seen in society, especially the gay community. It's sad because (at least where I am) nobody wants to mess around with virgins or have sex with them because "they suck and have no idea what they are doing." This, unfortunately, lead me to lose mine, because I wanted to be "accepted" and not be made fun of. But it was a big mistake. I felt really bad about it. I suggest that you do wait for the right person. Losing your virginity to someone who only wants sex and is a player is not worth it (in my opinion, I learned the hard way). However, in the end, it's all up to you. Do you feel the pressure? Do you feel like you HAVE to? Think of the positive and/or negative aspects of it. Are you a person who has a sense of dignity or do you like to take risks? Do you feel like you have to have some sort of experience beforehand? I don't mean to confuse you with questions, but it's something to think about. It's much better to have sex with someone you love because otherwise things are just raw and emotionless...and intimacy is key (but not for everyone...). Also, when people first hook up they tend to become attached to that person and don't realize that they were only in it for the sex, thus you would get hurt emotionally. You have a lot to think about, and in the end, make sure that whatever you decide to do does not risk your health or well being. Good luck and keep us updated!
I've decided to point out just a few things. There's nothing wrong with being wanted at all. It's perfectly normal to want that. This is where the first issue comes in. Didn't you know this guy was a player? I have no idea why you have your clothes off in the first place. Chances, if you're in the room with your boxers on with another horny dude, something's gonna be going down. (no pun intended). And that just summed it up. He was just horny and needed someone to be with. If other people had this kind of attitude, it would be amazing. You are SO spot on with this. Yes, chances are it is. My apologies if anything I said came out rude, but I think you won't learn anything unless you learn from your mistakes. I say stay away from this guy. Obviously sex is what he wants. Not love. Not a relationship. And he just wants to bang everyone, apparently, so if you guys do anything, it's loveless. There's no feeling involved what so ever. Pointless way to "make love". You've already made some great choices, you just need to keep it up. Be safe and don't fall into traps like this.
Why is virginity prized exactly? This nonsense notion of purity being the be-all, end-all of the human condition is unnerving to say the least. I understand that it is slightly different for men, but "purity" or lack thereof seems to be a constant topic in any discussion of sex in either the straight or gay communities. However, taking a step out of my raging feminist pants, I would say that you may not feel ready to have sex yet. That is to say that asking for advice over whether to have sex with a man who is clearly pressuring you (albeit very sneakily) seems to be an indication of worries that you shouldn't be carrying with you into a sexual encounter. Ask yourself why you are 'saving yourself'. Why do you value your virginity? Ask if you will be able to walk away from the situation if you feel uncomfortable. Will people know where you are should he turn on you? Does he understand that you are not interested in 'going all the way' (whatever that means)? Do you feel confident and in control of the situation? Will you be able to stop whenever you feel uncomfortable? Or is it likely that he will continue to pressure you and attempt to sweet talk you into going farther than you had planned? And finally, ask yourself why you want to have sex. Is it because someone has shown an interest in you? Or is it because you are genuinely interested in this person? Or is it because you want to have some fun? I think if you review the above questions, you will find that you are not yet prepared for the emotional consequences. Whatever you choose, be careful. Use a condom. And make sure you have a way out.
I just had a conversation with someone within the last 72 hours who was in a somewhat similar situation, though I don't think he realized it at the time. When you're in a first infatuation (I won't even call it a relationship) anyone that pays attention to you, particularly anyone who is in any sexual with you (and giving you a hand job and a partial bj certainly counts) is going to get your hormones going and get you all hot and bothered. But almost without fail, what ends up happening is... if you go further with that person, you end up not so happy afterwards. This guy has already told you that he's not interested in a relationship, so basically he's looking for someone to get off with, and, to be blunt, you're as good as anyone else he can find. If all you want to do is have sex then it might not be a terrible idea... but if you want to try and make the first time meaningful in some way, or have it happen with someone you genuinely care about, then i'd say wait. Your hormones may be screaming "yes", but, like the person I've been speaking to (and dozens of others) if you give into them, you probably won't be happy after the fact.
Save your virginity my man lol you won't be hurting his feelings or anything he's a player. Wait 'till you find someone you love, that's what I'm doing. I'm also kinda scared that if I hookup with some hot guy from craigslist or something, that I'll catch feelings for him lol
I'll be blunt. He's horny, he wants sex. If you're horny, I say go for it (but be safe). Being a virgin doesn't get you anything special. You can't skip the lines at Dinseyland and you don't get a free shopping spree at the mall. If you really want your first time to be special with someone you love, don't do it, if you're horny and want to have sex, this is an opportunity. In the end it's your decision, do what you please.
I'll add yet another perspective onto the pile. Sure, virginity isn't special. What you "do" is your business. However, I have an aversion to having sex with random people. I especially have an aversion to a "player" who has "been with a lot of guys and girls." That kind of person is not the kind I would want to lose my virginity to out of personal safety. I am no way traditional, but I would start getting to know someone first. If they are the player type and they try to get into my pants, the first word that would come to my mind is "jettison." I don't want to know all the places where that thing has been placed. Then again, I may think a bit to carefully about things. Ultimately, it is your decision, but here's my two pennies.
I would personally save it for somebody you love and trust, like I am doing, I may get horny and really badly what a shag but I have coping mechanisms which work for me. I probably lost it when I am 37 at this rate lol but at lest I would have lost it to somebody I love, I reckon you should do it to. But at the end of the day it is your body and you do want ever the fuck you want.
It would be pointless you know he doesn't want a relationship. Chances are he'll stop talking to you afterwards anyway.
Well, this reminds me of my story, except the fact that I was in love with him, and he obviously wasn't. We have been doing safe things for a while, but the pressure's got so big that we ended up having sex. It was wonderful, maybe because I love him. Now we're sex buddies. It's a kinda weird situtation, but you know, I got used to it.
Hmm ok well after consulting a couple of my friends irl and reading all these comments and ultimately just applying my usual thoughts onto the situation as I would onto any other situation (weather that means what should I have for breakfast or what classes to take next year) I know the wise thing to do would be just to stay friends with him. Not friends with benefits, just friends. Because out of limitless outcomes theres really only 1 even remotely possible favorable outcome, which would be a cool friendship and messing around and then I don't feel bad about it after. But there's 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 things that could go wrong, right? Plus my good friend is now kinda into him.. I think I'll just point him in her direction (because she's experienced and just wants sex too, so it's all good) So I'll stay friends with him. I'm not nearly horny enough for him to really be able to seduce me, I know (from experience) that he's really too respectful to make any outrageous moves, and I'm far to stubborn to change my mind now that it's finally made up. In the end, emotions betray logic, but logic will never betray you: This time, emotions say "yes", logic says "no". Emotions are gone tomorrow, and logic stays. I'll have to go with "no". Thanks for all the good advice guys
haha I knew someone was gonna say something like that. Yeah, I don't think I could do that no matter how horny I'd get lol
