Ugh. Im utterly confused. I dont know where it start. Ok. Some history. I came out at the beginning of 2006 (just about 2 years ago) when i was in year 9. Yeah, its a bit early isnt it. I diddnt think it through. I just decided one afternoon that im gay and i told all my friends. The next day like nearly the whole school knew. I didn't seem to care that much, but looking back on it now, i definitely would have came out differently. Blah blah blah. Bout half way through 06 i became friends with Morgan. She is like really nice etc. She became my new best friend. So then about nearly a year ago, i ditched those 'friends' and started sitting with Morgans group. They were (and still are ) mostly in the year above us. Ive been sitting with them ever since. Yeah, this new group of friends are so much better then my old: They really accept me, we are always going out of weekends etc. So then, it turns out that one of my friends there, peter, is bi. Im like "ok cool". I had suspected that he might be gay or something before hand, and this just comfirmed it. But now, Peter is my boyfriend and has been for the last 2 weeks. So heres where it starts getting confusing. At his birthday party last weekend we were playing a 'truth-or-dare'-esk game and we had to make out. I was fine about it and happy, and he was nervous about being in the spotlight like we were. We made out a few times then and after that etc. I liked it. But... i dont know, it just didnt do anything for me. In movies and shows and books etc. its always described as fabulous and warming and mouthmelting... It wasnt for me. So then later that night when we were all lying down in the tent talking and ready to go to sleep, peter rolls his hand onto my chest (i was only wearing my boxers) and he starts rubbing my chest. His hand SLLLLOOOOWWWWLY starts working its way downwards, and i spose by this time i was up. One thing lead to another and he gave me a hand job. It totally surprised me, but i was ok with it and i enjoyed it. But then there is the whole thing of Peter making me feel 'special'. I.... well, he dosnt. In the book Peter (fantastic by the way, i urge EVERYONE to read it) by Kate Walker there is this text Like, ive never had a moment or something like that. So ive been thinking. Is it me or Peter? Is it that im actually straight, or is it Peter not being the 'one' (i know its a cliché, but i couldnt think of anything else to put instead) and that i dont really love him. But, if i am really striaght, then why did peter turn me on like he did. But then if it is peter, then.... urgh I am very confused
i think you're thinking too hard. you guys have only been going out for a couple of weeks, give yourselves some time...cause time is an essential in relationships, or at least i think so. i haven't been in a relationship before, but that's what i think...hope i helped a little, and if not, well, at least i tried! ^^
Making out in front of a bunch of other people as a result of a 'dare' isn't necessarily going to be a 'magical' kind of moment! Getting a hand job in a tent with other people around might also not be an ideal kind of situation. So see if you maybe enjoy being with Peter more if you guys are alone. I don't think you'd want to make out with a guy period if you were straight. Just give it a bit of a chance.
The situations written about in novels and seen on TV or in movies are more for dramatic effect than any true happenings in relationships. That is does happen with some people is not to say it has to happen to everyone. Romance doesn't have to start out with thunderclaps, lightening or a sudden radiant rainbow in the sky. Love is a personal thing and it comes in many ways to various people and in most cases is something that builds gradually over time. Most of the time when there is the intense feelings one has towards another it is infatuation and that fades in time (with most feeling they are falling out of love with someone, but in reality, it could just be beginning). That you like Peter and enjoy his company and what was done so far is likable is a beginning that can be built upon. Give it time as you have only known each other as BF for two weeks. As for the making out and the event in the tent, with others around, it is definitely more awkward and likely not all that romantic. See what happens when you are alone together when you can let yourself go a bit more and not be a part of a show or having to be discreet with others around. Those type situations can certainly take the shine off the apple. Just remember all fairy tales end with "and they lived happily ever after" when in truth it is just the beginning of the story, how did they live happily ever after? When you can still care for someone when they don't put the toothpaste cap back on, leave dirty undies on the bathroom floor, put the toilet paper on backwards to what you are use to, crunch their cereal really loud at breakfast, dress frumpy or say "like" a lot in conversations, etc. then you are talking love. It is a constant feeling of underlying contentment being in the presence of the other as well as being tolerant of their "warts". Give it time and see what happens. It might be or it might not be, but time is required. Best wishes.
Seems to me like most of the 'stuff' has already been said but for what it's worth my immediate reaction is.... You are still really young (and yes I'm a little jealous), so to 'fall in love' as per the books and films is probably not going to happen just like and certainly not in front of a lot of people or indeed in a tent with other folk around. If it were me, I would allow myself to enjoy the fact that I was aroused by Peter and enjoyed his attention and just let things go at a fairly sensible pace, don't feel pressurised into doing more than feels right - until it feels right. In the meantime, I would just enjoy being with Peter and you never know you might wake up one day and realise that he is 'the one' and maybe you won't but at least you will have had a good time together along the way.
yeah thanks guys. after reading over it and a nights sleep, i do think i was..... thinking too much. Sop after reading all your comments i agree totally with them XD
