I feel all this pressure to come out in person to my roommates and family members. I dont know where it comes from really. i mean I see the benefits. You can talk to them about it right away (which is a great thing) and you get it out of the way with no possibility of it being a total joke or anything. My problem is I can never make myself take opportunities when they arrise. And for me that's been extremely frequent. I'm making a deal with myself tonight that by the time I have a party on friday, I will come out to my roommates. The thing is, on the 4th of July, I went to a friend of my friend J's house. I'v talked aobut him before, he's gay, he knows i'm gay, he's cute. So anyways, we hooked up on the 4th and it was amazing. It felt more than like a one night stand kinda deal and he said hes not really into that. He seems like someone I could really get to know better, but (if he can get the funds) he's going to a grad school in australia in 2011. He's already been accepted to the school, and he seems pretty set on going. So it wouldnt really be a long term thing, most likely. anyways. He's coming to a party i'm having on friday. Chances are I'll be hanging out with him most of the time, I want to get to know him better and stuff. I dont want it to be weird with my roommates that i'm hanging out with a guy or that i'm having a guy stay over (which could happen).
Hi there! I think you have a perfect motivating factor to come out to your roommates. What to do? Well, you can create the opportunity to come out to your roommates. You don't have to wait for one to come along. For example, and you don't have to make a big deal out of it, you could just say to your roommates "by the way, there is a guy coming to the party,who is really cute, and I'm hoping to be able to get to know him better. We met the other day and it was great! I will spend a bit more time with him. Hope that's alright with you guys" (or something along these lines). Maybe you are making it a larger thing than it actually is. If you know that your roommates are going to be accepting and supportive, try to go for it. Maybe try standing in front of the mirror, and say our loud "today I'm going to come out to my roommates by letting them know about the guy that is coming." Try to gauge how you feel. If you feel good, I'd say you are ready to let them know. Telling them that, and keeping it low key and just treating meeting and wanting to get to know the guy better, as something ordinary, not only will you make it easier on yourself but you will also be conveying the message that your comfortable with yourself and you allow your roommates to follow your cue as it were. Hope this helps a bit!
My only question is, is it really a big mistake to come out via text or chat? I have had so many chances in person where it should have been easy to say I'm gay. To be honest it has felt like my roommate is trying to push me out sometimes. I just can't get myself to say it out loud to my roommates or family. I feel like there's just this big wall between me and coming out and I just need it said and overwith. I'm sick of dealing with them not knowing. I always feel so good when I go home where people know I'm gay
Hi there! Nope! You can come out in any way that you like and in ever which way you feel most comfortable with. If you feel that it is too difficult for you to come out in person, you could text one of your roommates and just mention it casually. Take a deep breath, take your cell phone, and text your roommates. What to text? If you don't want to text "I'm gay", you could just text: "I'm excited! Cute guy is coming over @ party. Will spend time with him." You have everything you need to come out. You have a perfect way into the topic. You want to spend time with the guy at the party. You feel better when others know. You know that you are ready and want to come out. So here is some encouragement: You can do it.
Be comfortable in coming out however it fits for you. There is no textbook way to do it. Be gentle with yourself and take one little step at a time. The problem with trying to do something new is we all want to do the big thing when if we chunk it into smaller steps...it is much easier. So maybe you just take one roommate aside and tell him/her. I am a firm believer in being really personal when I tell someone I am gay. Find that common ground that links you to that person and operate from that perspective. For instance, "I really enjoy having you as my roommate because we can talk about anything and there is no judgment. So i want to tell you something that is really personal to me and I am looking for your support." This way you bring up what it is you admire about that person and your relationship with them so that they see you are being real and authentic. That is the key...be real and authentic when you tell people.
well, don't focus on the long term. Think about today. He is going to go accept it and enjoy the time you have together now.
