This guy i've been seeing was supposed to come up sunday and we were supposed to go see fireworks and then at midnight we were going to go to the casino cuz then i would b 18, btw he is 26 but the age has never been an issue before we really hit it off and everything was gong so good. But sunday he texted me saying that he didnt know if he could make it up sunday cuz he didnt have the money. So i texted him back saying that i wanted to talk to him, maybe we could work something out. He texted back saying that didnt want to talk because he was embarrased and felt like an idiot. So i texted him saying that i didnt care, i just wanted to talk. And then i didnt hear from him again for almost an hour and i started to get mad so i texted him saying that i was getting f***ing p***ed, why wont you just talk to me, im not upset that you cant come up i just want to talk. and no response for almost 3 hours when he texted me saying that he was taking pop cans back and then he got my text of me cussing at him and he didnt know if he can handle high school stuff like that. So i texted him apologizing, saying that i knew i overreacted and that i was sorry, but still nothing from him again. Then at midight he texted me saying that he sees things like this that i'm a really great guy and he still wants to see me and stuff but that he feels we are going a little too fast. Like we have only been seeing eachother for a month and when he came up he was supposed to meet my friends. He said that he feels like we skipped dating right into something serious and that he didnt tell me cuz he didnt want to upset me. So we talk for a very little bit after that, i told him that he needs to tell me that stuff then cuz i could hae very easily just cut out the meeting friends part and we could have done what we had plans anyway. So i eventually went to bed and texted him one last time saying i was and i wished him a good night, but i didnt get one back. So in the morning i thought it was odd that i never got a good night back, so i texted him wishing a good morning and asking if we could talk later cause i was a little unsure of what exactly we need to do and i also wanted to make plans to come see him. But no response... and normally he sleeps in really late so i figured he was sleepin, so at like 2 pm i was talking to my friend on facebook explaining everything to her and she told me that he was on... so i messaged him asking what was up? There was no response, and then he just got off. So i flew into a complete mental breakdown, i couldnt stop crying i called him a couple times asking what i had did and how i could fix things, i texted him telling him i felt worthless because i couldnt even know what was going on and just uncontrolable sobbing (this is also mind you my 18th birthday worst birthday ever ) So finally after almost an hour of me constantly calling and texting he texted me back saying that i needed to relax and that he was out with his mom and he still wanted to see me and he promised we would talk that night. I started to feel better, but i kept wondering why he didnt text me anything before that, like before he would text me saying good morning saying he was up, or let me know that we wouldnt b able to talk a ton cuz he was going out with his mom or just something like that. So my friend called and told me that no matter what happened she still wanted to take me out for my birthday. So we went out to dinner and shopping and i started to feel a million times better cuz my "bf" started to text me like before, he jokingly sent me a text saying that it was a good thing he didnt go anywhere cuz his car had a flat tire and that he was fixing it, and then when i got home me and my dad went to the casino that night and i texted him saying that i was and he texted back telling me to win some money and it was good cause it was like everything was back to normal. So we kept talking a little that night until about 12 am when we were on our way home, i told hm that i wanted to play blackjack but didnt have a chance and like no reply. So i texted him again letting him know i was home and asking when we would get that talk he promised. And still no reply so i waited and waited until about 4:30 am when i finally texted him saying i missed him and that i was going to bed. So i get up in the morning and text him wih the usual routine saying wishing a good morning and stuff. So i was just sitting around dwelling on what happened last night... so finally at like 2 pm i texted him pretty much telling him how i felt.... cuz i didnt know when we would actually get our talk. I told him that I care for him alot and i dont want to lose him and whenever i feel like im going to i overreact and try to fix things which prolly pushes him away. I told him that i wanted things to go back to the way they were last week, when we would wish each other good night and good morning. When we would stay up until almost 4 am just talking to each other or when we would text each other throughout the day just to let the other one know what they were doing or if they were thinking about the other. I told hm that i missed that and wanted it back because it seemed like the last couple days we barely talked to eachother. I told him that if he feels we can never get things back to the way they were that i just wanted to talk more or see him sometime. And nothing at all... nothing from him all day... i still havent heard from him... the last time i heard from him was 12 am tuesday night... my friend thought that maybe his phone got disconnected so i messaged him on facebook saying that I hadnt heard from him all day so i was checking to see if he was all right. And i was thinking that if his phone was disconnected it would say something saying it was when i would call. So i called him and it rang just like normal and went to voicemail just like every other time... so there was nothing wrong with his phone, idk why but he was ignoring me all day for something... I fell asleep last night sobbing into my pillow, i cried so hard yesterday i threw up and i havent eaten in 2 days... I feel like a worthless pile of crap, I just want to know what is going on, the last i heard from him said that he still wanted to see me, then why isnt he talking to me . I didnt say anything yesterday that could be even mildly upsetting or something that could change that, did i? I just dont know what to do... he isnt texting me, he isnt returning my phone calls, he isnt responding on facebook. Part of me wants to message his best friend on facebook to see if he is okay... but i dont want him to get mad at me for it... i just dont know what to do, i feel like crap and i just dont want to go through this.
The feeling I'm getting here is you're really clingy and most likely suffocating him. It's kinda a jerk move to not respond at all to you, but quite frankly, I'd probably do something similar if I was in his situation. Have you asked him if he just needs space?
Yes I did. I asked him but have gotten no response, i havent texted him since yesterday morning when I told him how i felt.
In that case, I would be worried. ._. It may be a good idea to just wait for a few days to see if he responds.
OK... ugh see I'm just afraid that i screwed everything up... and after these last few days I'm pretty sure I did... But also I dont think i have been incredibly clingy since sunday when all of this started... like before we would just live our own lives and just text eachother periodically throughout the day... it just seems that once i almost lost him then idk til he talks to me i feel like its done... we're through...
On top of being clingy, you seem dependent on this guy, it should never be like that. If he texts you you're all happy, but if he doesn't you start worrying. Stop texting him first, let him do that. If he never does than it's not worth it.
ok, you may not like what I have to say, but I think you need to hear it. OutToSea is on the money. Your behavior comes across as really, really clingy and, quite frankly, rather highschoolish. If I were a normal, emotionally healthy 26 year old, I would not want to try to sustain a relationship with someone that behaves in the way you've described, because I would feel really really smothered. Here's the catch... you can't just fix it overnight, because the clingy behavior comes from a deep-seated insecurity. If I were to guess, I would suspect that you don't have a very good opinion of yourself, and at some level (consciously or unconsciously) you feel like having a bf "validates" you and makes you feel worthwhile. You can't and shouldn't be blaming yourself for that, because those sorts of behavior patterns generally come out of the experiences that we have as we are raised by our parents. But what you can do is start working on it. If it is an option for you to get therapy, that would be your best bet, because having an objective person who can help you examine your perceptions and behaviors will be the fastest and most effective way to be able to make meaningful change. As to the specifics of this situation, my honest advice, which again you probably won't like, is that I don't see any way that this relationship can work on a healthy level at this point. If you were a mature and well adjusted 18 year old, then maybe. But with the insecurities that come across in your post, if you do manage to get into a relationship, it will be really unbalanced because of the combination of the age difference and your insecurities; you'll find yourself leaning heavily on him and being really clingy, as much as you may consciously try not to, because the problem is originating in your unconscious, and it will find ways to manifest until you resolve the issue. So most likely the best thing is to let the relationship go and put some time into working on yourself. I don't think it would be possible to try to keep him as a "friend" because I think your insecurities would make it too difficult to keep that line in place, and you'd end up hurting both of you. I know that probably hurts, but if you want to be able to develop and sustain a healthy relationship, I think that's going to be the best way to approach it. And get hold of a copy of "10 smart things gay men can do to find real love" and read it. The information in there will likely hit you right between the eyes and help you understand yourself better, and make permanent and lasting change.
I really think you need to just calm down first. Texting too much and ESPECIALLY messaging his friend on facebook might tip that precipice of "enough already". For now, wait and see if he responds. Being the texter will make you seem clingy. IF he never responds then move on, clearly he made his choice and you have to realize you don't need him to be happy. If he does respond, great, you can talk it out and see what happens. But remember, you're only 18. Don't put your eggs in one basket yet because otherwise it will take over your life. Hang out with your friends, DON'T talk about him to them otherwise they will probably get annoyed, just enjoy their company because they're the ones who will still be there no matter what happens.
Is he out of the closet??.. maybe he finds it difficult with the age difference, or he could be having some problems of his own.. so he didn't have time to reply?
I have to say... all faults aside.. I really feel for you (*hug*) I know what it's like to try and hold friendships and relationships when you're insecure.. Any news? Has he been back in touch with you? Are you doing ok?
Well I still havent heard from him at since tuesday at midnight... I didnt text him at all yesterday, and I'm going to follow Chips advice and try to find some help for my insequirities. I just dont know what to do, I'm planning on texting him Friday night if I still dont hear from him asking if we are over and even though i dont want us to be, I understand if we are. And tell him that if I dont get an answer I'm assuming we are but that I hope we can remain friends.
"Hold on loosely, but don't let go. If you cling too tightly, you're going to loose control" God I love those lyrics...one of the great songs of the 80's. the obvious first: I think you made a situation that was on the brink of ending pretty absolute....stick a fork in in...this thing is done. If he wanted to get back in touch with you, he would have done so. I learned that the hard way myself. If it would have me me, and I had my phone blowing up by someone I must admit it would kinda scare me off. I think what you are really wanting is closure on this...and you want the answer to the ultimate question we all seek when things go badly: why? Sadly, in most cases, we rarely get an answer...which makes things more difficult. It hurts...it sucks...it (insert every bad adjective you wish). Being lovestruck and then denied is the worst pain imaginable, and honestly, sometimes it takes a long for those wounds to heal (it's been months for me and I still stings here and there)...they become scars are we never lose them. That being said, I hate cowards that toy with other peoples hearts...just because I (and many) have been victim of this. Despite yours actions, you do deserve to know what is going on....and this guy should grab his sack and tell you "I'm just not into this anymore". He probably was just expecting you to pick up on the hint (I mean, really, if someone you are seeing all of a sudden changes and doesn't respond and makes lame excuses of why he can't visit..I mean, that's a pretty strong hint). But I, like you, think someone should be honest. The measure of a man is not how he starts something...but how he ends it. I hate to tell you...but this ain't gonna be the first time you suffer from heartache. Just learn from it. Don't do what I used to do, and that is constantly question yourself what you could have done different. You can drive yourself crazy doing that. As for what you do next? I would NOT bother with anymore texts...and it will be hard not to. The opposing team has the ball now...it's no longer in your court. It's up to him to get back with you now...and if he wants to, he will. As tough as is is, at least give him the appearance of keeping your pride and that you have many more hearts to thrill. I know how you feel buddy, and I wish there were more soothing words I could offer. But it appears you need to admit that this ain't good and start the long process of letting go of it.
We're giving him this advice for the better. Would you rather him make the same mistake in say, the next three relationships he has with guys? Nothing we said was particularly disrespectful - tough love is a concept that I've always felt works wonders. It's to the point, it's honest, it isn't disrespectful, and it isn't sugarcoated (which I find distracts away from the issue at hand.)
