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Lonely, Depressed...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Parker, Jul 7, 2010.

  1. Parker

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    So before I begin, no this isn't s suicide letter. It's a rant. I have no intentions of taking my life. Thus being said...

    I'm lonely. Honestly, I feel like there's nobody in my life I can count on or one that I could run to whenever I'm upset. I've been single for about 8 months now and it's tearing me up (even that relationship was pathetic). I have no single person in my life I can call my best friend. Do I expect too much out of one person? No, at least I don't think I do. I'm tired of people taking me for granted. I'm tired of people not caring about me. My friends only call me when they need me. I hate everything about my life right now. I pray everyday for God to kill the loneliness that has eaten up my life. I mope around either sleeping or laying around watching tv.
    I know what you're thinking at this point: "get off your lazy a** and get out there and meet some people!". Yeah, I've tried that. I've been judged and tossed away before I can even utter a single word out of my mouth. Apparently being fat is way worse than being a skinny prick. Hell, I'm scared that I'll be alone for the rest of my life based on the way things are going now. Don't tell me there's somebody out there for me; I won't believe you. Prove it to me.
     
  2. I'm in the same boat as you. Except I haven't been on a date since I was 17, and I've never dated a guy. I wish I had an answer for you, but all I can say is talk to people. I've been talking to people and making me feel a little bit better. If you ever need to talk, just let me know....I'll be there for you or anyone who needs it....whether or not I'm any good at this is to be determined, but I'll give it my best
     
  3. Mogget

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    I don't know if there's a romantic partner out there for you (like you, I want proof, preferably in the form of being kissed *sighs*), but you can make good friends (I didn't have anyone I'd've called a best friend at 17, if that makes you feel better).

    So, what to do? The first thing is to seek help. Call a crisis line, get a counselor, talk to a trusted adult, it doesn't really matter at this point. You're depressed, you may not be suicidal yet, but you well might become so if you don't change something.

    You don't need to "get off your lazy a**," btw. That sort of negative self-talk is unhelpful and untrue. You're depressed. Depression makes it hard to do stuff and without outside help, you will have immense difficulty with meeting people and making friends. With help it'll still be hard. But you can do it.

    One thing you need is a safe place. A crisis line may be able to help you find a good support group/group therapy type place. Being around people (even if they won't be your friends outside the group) who don't judge is really nice. I have a small number of friends who never judge me and it's the most validating thing ever.
     
  4. Phoenix

    Phoenix Guest

    Everyone else has a good point: you can make good friends in life. However, sometimes we're a victim of circumstance. I moved around a lot when I was younger, I think it's 6 times altogether. So no, I don't have really amazing friends that I've had all through out my life, but I still try to make some. Also, this may sound not helpful because humans are social creatures, but you have to find ways to learn to love yourself. Since I moved around so much and I kind of had a shortage of friends I realized that I am awesome company for myself. I think nothing of just going out by myself, whether it be to the city, to an amusement park or whatever, I can go out by myself and be perfectly happy. Once you realize that you can have fun with the company of yourself and that your happiness doesn't depend on other people it can really help ease the lonely factor. After that, you're sure to find people who are interested in being your friend, because people tend to gravitate towards those who are secure and okay with themselves.
     
  5. VampConspiracy

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    I have lived the lonely life for about 18 years. I have been a shut-in. I have been shoved away (even though I'm not exactly on the skinny side, I was pushed away for... other... reasons), put down, and figuratively been stomped on and literally shoved off the bus.

    I was friendless for a whole 18 years because of my natural social shortcomings, fear, uncertainty, and doubt. The absolute worst thing you can do is nothing at all.

    I have spent a long [​IMG]ing time trying to find one person who could understand me and be of some help. Now, I'm not talking about a romantic relationship here; there's no way in hell I would be able to handle one right now, and never with the person I am referring to. Just a friend. He turned out to be the person who pulled me out of a suicidal cyclone of thoughts. Then another, equally-understanding and equally-useful friend came out of the wood works - he is a vagrant, so he had plenty of issues himself. It took a lot of work on my part, especially since I generally lock up around people.

    All three high school years beforehand, and the first few months of last year, were filled with an overwhelming feeling of loneliness and uselessness, even though I regularly was useful when it came to technical difficulties in the classroom and at home.

    Here are the two points I will make about this:
    1. It is, in fact, a pain in the ass finding people who won't throw you into the dumpster... or a wall of spikes. It is very much so. It takes time and eventually money to find other people who understand.
    2. Giving up is the worst thing you can do. I have been in an environment containing about 1500 people over the course of four years, and I found a grand total of five people who give varying degrees of care above zero, and more people who were likely to shove me off a bus again.
     
  6. Parker

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    I feel so used. Especially now. People don't want to be my friend. They'll act like it so they can benefit. All anyone ever cares about is their own selfish agenda. Even though they actually say they want to "help you out" they just do it to benefit themselves.

    I'm tired of this.
    Fuck people.
     
  7. Mogget

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    Parker, please call a crisis hotline. They'll help you, they really will. They're staffed by people who care, know their shit, and can hook you up with the people and resources you need. Trevor Project's 866-488-7386. Give them a ring.
     
  8. D_Alejandro

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    It's so interesting to note that a lot of EC members feel upset b.c they don't have a boyfriend of girlfriend...this is NOT where 100% of happiness/solutions to problems lies! I just had to point that out b.c it's frustrating to me...Had to get it out.

    OK! Yes, DO call a suicide hotline. I called one last year when I was really depressed (before my hospitalization) and they were very very friendly and useful. They were able to give me a lot of resources off the bat that I could contact for further help. They even called me back to check on me. Don't be scared or embarrassed to call them, they are there for YOU. <3

    And regarding people, in time, you will find out who is truly in your inner circle. They will prove themselves: Trust me. My inner circle is VERY small, and I 've learned that you cannot make EVERYONE your friend, after all, not everyone matters, only a few select people that DO truly care back for you. Some people might be extremely naive when it comes to ignoring you. They don't realize they are doing it. Also, they could have their own problems going on in life-you're not the only one. Somewhere out there, someone will ALWAYS have it worse. Just think about that.

    Best of luck.
     
  9. Parker

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    I'm upset that I have a boyfriend/girlfriend, yes; but I'm mainly concerned with the fact I don't even have a friend to confide in.
     
  10. D_Alejandro

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    You mean that you don't have one? And I can understand the friend part 100%. I know how you feel. It took me a long time to actually find that good friend who will ALWAYS listen and understand you. It's worth the search, trust me. And when you do find him or her, they will stick with you and help you along the way. :grin:

    If you ever need to talk about anything or just rant about whatever, feel free to message me. Good luck!! (*hug*)
     
  11. haelmarie

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    Yes. Same here.