i know this place is riddled with suicidal people , but let me start with , i am not going to kill myself . i just like to cut without trying to kill myself . But i have been trying to quit and today i reached a really bad low after a fight with my mom and wanted to slit my arm up the vein with a steak knife , but i decided to call trevor help line . i really want to kill myself but i cannot hurt my mom , i cannot do something that selfish and i dont know why i cant or why i want to cut and i almost did until i talked to the person at trevor project and after he talked with me i felt better for really nothing but i have a therapist visit on the 28th and should i tell them about this whole thing ? i just dont know what to do and i cannot really handle much more and it is becoming a struggle to do everyday tasks now and it is just overloads of stress . i was thinking of going back to inpatient but i can't really go back becuase being there makes me want to kill myself alot more . what should i do , i have only been out for a month and a half and have half a month til therapist visit and psychiatrist visit [ i have never been to either before so i dont know what is up with that either but as time gets closer you will see a post about it ] but my main question is why cant i hurt myself if its non suicidal ???
Just because it's non-suicidal doesn't mean it's a good thing. Cutting and suicide both lie along the same path as far as reasoning: you don't know how to cope. Because you don't know how to handle things in a healthy way, you turn to other methods to make yourself feel better. Cutting causes pain, which releases endorphins and adrenaline, in turn making you feel better. Along with this comes the slight crash you'll feel after a few hours when things return to normal levels, and your problems haven't gone away. The reason you aren't supposed to cut is that it is a temporary, and possibly deadly, solution. You only feel better for a bit, and then everything comes back. You have to learn how to cope with things in a healthy manner in order to move on in your life, otherwise things will never change. Cutting is quite literally your 'drug', and you are suffering from some withdrawal symptoms. Because you won't turn to cutting to make yourself feel better, you're being faced with the true burden of all of the issues in your life. Now is the time to figure out how to deal with them, and get rid of them. You could run back to cutting, but when you try to stop again everything will only seem worse than it is now. Not to mention what happens if you cut too deep, accidentally or not. Plus, the scars it leaves are very telling tales, which will be with you the rest of your life. I'm going to jump on the suicide note of this too, even though you say you aren't. Many suicides occur without any real planning (although they are less successful), or indication at all. A person driving may decide not to turn their car at the next corner, and may have made the decision only moments prior. For you, you might decide to press a bit harder one day, without even thinking about it. Then you're dead, and we don't want that. (&&&) The farther away people can get from harming themselves, the better.
hey there. I'm sorry to hear you are having issues with cutting. Zumbro made many wonderful points. No one (including yourself) wants you to harm yourself. My advice that I would add is too find another outlet to your negative feelings and pain. do something else that releases those same endorphins and gives you that rush...whether it by dancing around to your favorite music or going for a run. or just watch your favorite movie or tv show. or call trevor (A+ for doing that!) and if you are just really full of rage...punch a pillow...just please don't hurt yourself....even if you aren't trying to kill yourself..it is still a bad choice and if all else fails...you can come on ec and talk it out...or if it doesn't fail, you can still come on ec and tell us the good news...I hope this helps...and you are welcome to pm any time
today i made a small v cut on hand and i wanted to keep going but stopped and threw away the staple , but i want to cut again , i am trying music running martial arts [ that helped but only because i pushed until i had pain ] glowstringing[ still doing that though ] and tv and video games friends but i still feel like cutting even shopping didn't help , my meds should have started working by now but haven't , could this be the drug reacting badly . sometimes i want to kil myself but i can't be that selfish to myeself is how i veiw it . what is wrong with me .... ? why cant i stop this like i did drinking and smoking [ marijuana and tabacco ] ? To zumbro i am already scarred from years of child abuse so it makes no difference about scars .
