So I was at a volunteer even today and one of the people coming in (who I knew from before, cool guy, but couldn't see) had a voice that sounded like my ex's and for a moment, I thought it was him. And I freaked. Don't think it showed, but I totally freaked, just thinking about it makes me feel tense, and I still haven't totally relaxed from that moment. Anyway, this has been a pretty constant worry for me: what am I going to do when he does show up to something? It's not like I can avoid him forever, but the mere thought of it makes me panic. And every time I raise it with a therapist they act like it's no biggie, a bridge to cross when I reach, something that may not even happen (not likely, especially since we're in the same major), and def not something to stress about. But how can I not? I have no idea what I'll do, how much I'll embarrass myself (my only idea right now is to run out ASAP and hope no one laughs too much), or if I'll even be capable of functioning. Help!
When he shows up: Breathe. Turn the other way. Think calming thoughts. Your therapists are right. You're simply making a huge dramatic thing out of something that doesn't need to be. People who have had bad experiences with others run into them all the time. Adults just deal with it, speak politely and have minimal action, and get through it. It really isn't that big a deal.... unless you make it one
I totaly get where you're coming from. I have been stressing like mad about seeing my ex (that was a long time ago). And of course, as we were in the same university, we did meet again a few times. But you know what : nothing happened. We said hi, we asked each other how we were, I even gave him my notes from a lecture he missed a few times, and that's it. If it helps, make yourself a guideline for the moment when you'll run on each other : Say hi, smile, ask him how he is doing, if he does the same answer "Fine, thanks", and then pretend you have a friend to meet or a lecture to go too and say goodbye. Once it'll be done, you'll realize that it wasn't so hard. Take care (*hug*)
Yeah...this is a tough one, especially if you still harbor feelings toward him--which i guessing by the nature of your post you still do. I'm dreading the day I see mine. You do the only thing you can do: hold yourself together and in a casual way simply say "hey, how you been?" What most people dread in seeing their ex's for the first time is the thought of all those wounds in the heart you have worked so hard to close will re-open...and some of them might.
I mean was it a long-term relationship? Like a year or more? And did it end on good terms? If so there is really nothing to be afraid of. He obviously knows you work there, so try nnot to look shocked in front of him lol.
It was an extremely short relationship that technically ended on good terms, which became bad terms as I came to realize that he was a lying manipulative bastard. I spent most of last semester giving him the silent treatment because I had no idea how else to handle things. The idea of acting like he thinks I'm human makes me feel... (not sure what the word it. Something involving tension, fear, and self-disgust).
Man, that sounds petty, immature, and stupid. But I'm not sure what to do about it. Every fiber of my being screams that any sort of interaction has to be fight-or-flight in nature.
I imagine that when you'll see him, you'll have something to attend to. These events you help with, is it not your job to instruct guests on where to sit, or what they can do there, etc? Simply do the same for him, no more or less. It is your duty to do so. If he wants to discuss anything further, say "This is not the best/appropriate time to talk." If he continues trying to talk, say, "I cannot talk about this right now." If he makes to keep talking, walk away or call someone else over. Also, having negative feelings is not petty, immature or stupid. And it may feel like a fight-or-flight situation because you probably have never faced a situation like this before. So it's normal to not know how to deal with it. Just do the best you can and we'll be proud of you. If it goes horribly, then take note for next time.
Remember that in this situation that you are the better person. Find support from someone when you see them to keep your mind off of it. !
Just ignore him and avoid him. If he comes up to you then just say you don't want to talk to him. If he still tries to talk then say you getting pissed off. If he still tries to talk he's dumb but I doubt it would get to that stage.
So honestly, who cares that he was a creep and a lying bastard? Not to be harsh but the relationship is over, he's likely moved on. When you hold onto all this resentment and give him the silent treatment and all... YOU are the one being punished, not him. YOU are putting all this energy into this short-term relationship that didn't end well. Just let go of it and move on. People are assholes. A lot of gay guys are selfish pieces of shit. Find the ones who aren't and surround yourself with those people
I've said it many times before: Even harder than severing the emotional ties in a relationship is letting go of the anger...which is what you have to do. Chip is right, a lot of gay men are shallow pieces of dog shit. When you see this guy again and you have the deer in headlights look or are a total bitch, than who does that help? It simply makes you appear as shallow and as big of a pick as your ex. Listen, I understand completely what you are going through because I am going through the same thing myself. After I let go of the absolute anger and resentment, I DID start to feel better. But I, like you, haven't completely let go...sadly, there is no instruction manual to tell us how we can.
It's really simple and you have a few options: 1. Completely ignore him. Chances are if you do this, they will too. 2. Say hi and have the smallest of small talk. Again they'll usually follow your lead on this one too. 3. Say hi and see if things go well and be normal human beings. but stop worrying about it. It's really stupid to let your ex ruin your current life. They are your ex and in your past; don't give them any power in your present or future. It's harder to do than to say, but think about it and make the changes that you need to.
