Okay, I am going off to college next year and I am really excited, but I have a bit of a dilemma. I have know idea how or when to bring up the fact that i am queer to my new roommate. It is a pretty accepting college from what I gathered although it is a Christian private school so it might have a few people with some issues with gay people. However, I am not really worried that they won't be accepting, but just finding the ideal time to bring it up. Do I tell her the first day when she says, "tell me about yourself."? or do I wait a while to get a vibe of how she will react....or will she feel like I was lying to her then for not telling...I am just a bit torn on what to do any suggestions? have people gone through similar situations ps: I am totally planning to be out in college and involved in the lgbt groups there...so it will not be a big secret.
Hey! I just finished my first year in college, so I definitely know how you're feeling right now. You already know that the school you'll be attending is somewhat accepting, so that should give you a positive outlook. My suggestion about telling your roommate about your sexual orientation would be to wait until after you've come to feel comfortable around her. Trust me, being in a situation where you have to share a room with someone you don't know is such a new experience that takes time to get acclimated to; it could be difficult for her (and for you) to handle if you tell her right off the bat, especially if she's not as accepting as some other people in the school. So just chill for now and get to know her first. As for how she'll feel if you tell her later rather than sooner, I believe that she'll understand (eventually) that you are going to come out when you are ready and that you need time to get there. I wish you the best of luck with your roommate and your college experience!!!
Well if you dont feel at all comfortable telling her face to face, send her an text message and thats what I did with a few people on how I came out.
I would suggest just putting it on facebook and letting your roommate do the necessary facebook stalking to figure it out. (I did this one) Otherwise, you can always bring it up in conversation causally by talking about an ex-girlfriend or something, if you wish to avoid making a big deal about it. Or if those don't feel right and you're still too nervous, you can always get drunk and just blurt it out to her. (and sort of did this one too? that was the first time we actually discussed it; it was already known though.) choose whichever one seems most doable/appropriate.
First of all I'm so jealous you've found an "accepting" Christian school. I'm about to start my last year at Christian school and it's been a trip from start to finish, that's for sure. But I do have a bit of experience in the coming out to your roommate situation... Personally, I didn't really put all the pieces together myself until my sophomore year. And when I came out to that roommate, I really just started by telling her that Ashley and I, a mutual friend, were actually dating. From there we just talked through it and we were ok. After that, everyone I've lived with has been a close friend so I haven't had to tell them. My policy with other people I've interacted with has been to feel them out a little-- b/c you know they could very well have a problem with it (and at my school getting "caught" as a homosexual can have relatively serious ramifications). On the other hand, I have several lesbian friends who have been fairly open about it. One of my friends just told her roommate in a "well, there's something you should know. I'm gay. If we need to talk about it let me know" kind of way in her first week there. (Turns out her roommate was also gay, go figure.) So to sum up all of that (sorry I have a tendency to overtalk) I'd say be straightforward with people, just tell them, BUT do a little research, whether it's just stalking their fb a little or paying attention to their general political/moral attitude, before you tell people-- at least sometimes. If it's really a christian school you just run the risk of having to deal with more flak then you'll feel inclined to-- promise. But good luck! I hope you enjoy college and all that goes with it.
thanks guys. I am not worried about the school being accepting, but more just the individual. I still don't know who my roommate is yet, but I scout her out a bit on facebook just to make sure she isn't a fan of some crazy anti-gay agenda. Hopefully it will all work out. My mom was just really paranoid about it though. She brought it up to me (even though I had already posted this....I guess we were both thinking the same thing) and she is only brought up my being bi a couple times since I came out almost a year ago...so I know she is worried. I think it will probably be just fine. If it is obvious that my new roommate is okay with it though, I will probably do it sooner than later because I would just want to get it out of the way.
