Insanely depressed, just looking for support, that's all.

Hi everybody, it's me again bitching about life to be honest I'm just looking for some kind encouraging words, or maybe some advice on how to feel better.

Well today I'm just really, really, really depressed. I've been thinking about my fucking crush that I can't get over. I made a thread a while back dealing with my feelings for him. To sum it all up, he's the 3rd grade teacher in the elementary school that is connected to my high school. It's a small catholic school.

Well I've had a ridiculously huge crush on him since the 2008/2009 school year and I can't get over him. I've been thinking about him and it just bums me out. I can't get him out of my head. As I'm typing this I can feel a tingling feeling in my head and my eyes are watering. This isn't like any other crush I've ever had. I never thought I'd have a crush on someone like him. He's only 24, I usually am more attracted to men in their 30's or early 40's and He's 5'9" (he said so), my ideal guy is like 6 ft. I can't explain how I feel. I know we aren't in love with each other, but I almost feel like I love him. He is such a kind hearted person. He has talked to me before, and even offered me a ride home. If you want the list of shit just read my 1st thread, I don't wanna type it all.

Bottom line is he is a teacher at my school. I can't escape it. My principle has become principle of the elementary AND high school so he's bringing the 2 schools together for things (I don't agree with it). Worst part is he's friends with my spanish teacher so he is always coming into the classroom when we have class to talk to her. My school has no discipline and the principle doesn't do shit about it, so I'm stuck seeing him.

To be honest I almost hate him. I can't tell you how many times I have told my Mom I'm not going to school. I'd come off as an asshole, but it's really because I didn't want to see him. I have missed so much school trying to avoid him, because it just breaks my heart when I see him.

Between the time he winked at me during field day & the time when he came into the office during my after school detention to talk to me and he was leaning in smiling and looking me in the eye, I can't tell if he was flirting (I know it sounds stupid) or if he knows I like him and is just fucking with my head. Either way my heart is hurting so badly right now. It's the summer. I'm not even in school. Why is he still on my mind?

If I could get some support that would be great. Maybe some advice on how I could combat these feelings? I'll take anything.

 

I've been getting bad grades since I started school in 4th grade so I had bad grades either way. He isn't like a predator, he just seems like he cares. One time he came into my science class to "borrow a microscope" and was kinda loud and someone was like "dude I'm testing". Then another time he came into my spanish class while we were testing and popped a balloon and the spanish teacher (she's his friend) flipped lol

Me and my friend who is also annoyed with him coming into our class (probably just 'cause it's interruption) decided on the last day if he came into our spanish class to be like "check out this motherfucker" loud enough for him to hear. We went through with it. You probably don't believe me but you'd be surprised at what goes on in that school. There's no way he couldn't have heard us say it but he didn't say anything to us.

Now I'm at the point were I would rather he dislike me. It's ridiculous I can't stop thinking about him. I remember on one of the last days of school, when I walked past him he said "what's up Gabe". I know it's nothing but I didn't even know he knew my name. I felt kinda happy.

Is there anything else I could do? I tried looking at him as just some hot guy, but I couldn't. He's too nice to be "just a hot guy". Do you or anyone else have any advice to help me just get over him???

 

I wouldn't pursue it either way. That's why I'm so depressed. There's no way anything can happen but I still have these feelings. Honestly though, if you look at my other thread, you'll see there's a lot of stuff that seems a lot like flirting. He introduced himself to me by his first name too. Idk this coming school year is gonna be another rough one

Thank you for your advice tho. It's better to tell me the truth that hurts than to feed me some bullshit that'll make me feel better.

Any advice is appreciated

 

How is finding 30 or 40 year olds hot unhealthy? I don't think I should get help for that. I don't desire a father figure, I have a Dad. I don't want to fuck someone who I think of in a fatherly way. THEN I would need help. And a 30 year old isn't a "father figure", it's a man who is 14 fucking years older then me dude. If I am crushing on a 29 year old, should all those feelings disappear on his 30th birthday? I think you should think before you say things like that. So fucking what if I find a 40 year old hot. I'd rather like 40 year olds than cruise for younger guys looking for meaningless bullshit. I like maturity, which a lot of people around my age don't seem to have. Some do, but not a lot.

I also have no problem with independence. I haven't had anyone buy me clothes since I was 12 years old and I've been neglected, not raised, by alcoholics and home wreckers. I appreciate your opinion but in the long run, if I'm 60 and my boyfriend is 80, we're both going to be looked at as a couple of old saggy fucks.

I never asked anyone to change their behavior either. I haven't acted on anything. I think you misunderstood what I was saying and just made snap judgments. You shouldn't judge a person's entire life/future on 2 threads.

 

I'm not trying to sound like an ass but when did I say I was gonna ask him to modify his behavior?

 

omg thank you. I can't just turn my emotions on and off. I do also realize that the age difference in, ratio, would be the equivalent of me dating a 12 and a half year old or something and I ca't imagine that lol. Thank you for the support.