Unlike many people, I enjoy labels. Most of my life I referred to myself as a latent bisexual; I knew I was attracted to women, but decided not to act on it, due to my religious upbringing. More to the point, every female bisexual that I knew through the years wound up marrying a man. Obviously, everyone should choose what is best for them. But I consequently didn't want to see myself as bisexual, because those women made it seem like being attracted to women was a phase before they settled down into adult life. Of course, I did get married to a man myself, lol. Anyhow, when I consider the "quality" of my relationships with men versus women, I have always admitted that my relationships with women were much richer and gratifying. So while I can be attracted to a man, in the end, the experience winds up lacking- physically, emotionally, mentally. More to the point, I have always wanted to do "guy" things and hated anything remotely girlie. I was the quintessential tomboy growing up, and I was thrilled that not only was I androgynous looking, but I would get confused questions about my gender. I even got one teacher to call me a "unisex" name in her class. I wanted to be a boy soooo badly. After thinking about all these points, I now classify myself as a lesbian. I have zero desire to pursue a relationship with a man, and don't foresee myself wanting to again. Ever. I guess my question here is- do you think I am truly a lesbian or bisexual, and does the distinction even matter? I've decided for myself and that's what counts in the end. But I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Thanks in advance.
Well to me, it sounds like you're a lesbian. If you know that you don't feel the same with men emotionally or physically and you "have zero desire to pursue a relationship with a man, and don't foresee myself wanting to again. Ever.", why even ask? :'D
You answered your own question perfectly well at the close of your thread. You are who God made you to be. Are you still married or is dealing with that part of what you face? Peace, Mike
Hi guys. Thanks for the confirmation. Mike, I am, thank G-d, fully divorced. When I went to therapy post-divorce, the therapist asked me if I had considered that maybe I had chosen my ex-husband because I didn't really want to be married. At first I was really upset by the comment, but in the end I realised he was right! And that realisation got me thinking. The rest is history. And I'm oh so grateful to that therapist for it.
I think you might want to check out the Kinsey scale. Sexuality isn't a spectrum of black and white answers, or even a single line, but the Kinsey scale gives you a pretty decent way of describing gay/bi/straight. If you say you're a lesbian though, and you're happy with it, why bother trying to be bisexual? Just keep your eyes open for whatever you like, and go for it! Labels can change.
Regardless of where you fall on the kinsey scale, your sexual identity is about how you choose to come off to others. I don't tell others that I'm gay because that would confuse the hell out of them every time I called a girl cute, hot etc.. I also don't call myself straight (anymore ) as I'd confuse everyone when I refer to a guy as cute, hot etc. You've made it clear that you don't want a relationship with a guy, so I'd say "lesbian" is a perfectly good term to use. All these labels exist for others, not for ourselves. As to who you are inside, don't worry and just run with it.
I checked out both the Kinsey Scale and the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid. Both gave the same response, differently worded: Kinsey: 4.5. That means more on the gay side of bi. Klein: Past Heterosexual, Present Homosexual. Works for me!
