So terribly shy :'(

Take little steps to get more out there. I can't really tell you what they are, they're different for everyone. Works though.

Also, you'll never become someone who's out there for everyone to see. Being shy isn't a disorder. It's a personality trait, you can't change that. You can only get over things that make you shy, but you never truly get over them.

Plus, everyone's shy to some extent.

 

It's good that you're asking for help, because your shyness sounds like it's becoming a real problem. It's one thing if you're shy and okay with that -- but what you're saying is that being shy is causing all kinds of problems in your life.

For what it's worth, here's my story; maybe you'll find something in it that can help. People are always surprised when I tell them that I think of myself as shy, because I was a pretty successful debater in both HS and college. Any sort of formal situation, like a debate, job interview, or any other public speaking, I am quite good at. Informal situations -- like parties, dates, and so -- scare the hell out of me. So what I did was try to make the informal situations more formal. I would actually plan out conversations in advance so despite my nervousness I would have something well-thought-out to say. Maybe that sounds a bit neurotic, but it worked. Now, I don't have to go to all that trouble because I've learned to be more confident.

If you have the resources, you might consider going to a therapist who has an interest in shyness (or the more technical sounding social anxiety disorder), or a school councilor. You also may want to look into the literature on the subject. Some of these books are readily available; a quick perusal of my local library came up with ten.

One paradox I discovered is that I got a lot more helpful advise from shy people than from outgoing people. Naturally outgoing people don't know how to be outgoing, they just are outgoing. Conversely, the shy people I talked to have had to work at being socially comfortable.

 

It's tough to just introduce yourself to somebody new ("Hi, what's your name?") because it seems so contrived. Instead, you might try my technique.

1. Find your common ground.
2. Ask questions about your common ground.

What's your common ground? You're both in this photography class together. So work that.

"Excuse me, but what kind of camera is that? Have you had it long? Are you enjoying using it? Is it easy to use?"
"Is this one of your photos? It's really cool/beautiful/stunning."
"Excuse me - did you do the homework this week? Taking a picture of a tree? Can I ask where you went to take your picture? I went around looking for a good tree, and didn't really find one that looked good."

Of course, you don't HAVE to use the photography class as your common ground. If you want to compliment somebody on their shirt or something, go right ahead.

You sometimes will get a rather noncommittal response. Rather short and not very involved. If they don't seem chatty, don't press it. Just smile, and try again with somebody else. But if they DO respond with something more - more of a sentence, or more - then follow up. Throw in a "I'm Smiley, by the way", then ask some more questions. It'll feel a bit weird at first, but you'll soon get the hang of it.

Lex

 

Well done for making the decision to take some small steps towards conquering your shyness. I know how hard it is, but I also know that taking these steps make a huge difference. I used to be incredibly shy, I was practically mute from 13-14, and found it incredibly hard to trust and open up to people. But try to master those small steps that Lex mentioned, finding something you can both talk about, smile and ask questions. Asking questions is brilliant because it diverts attention away from you, but shows that you're interested and listening to the other person.

All you really need is practice at this, it will take time, but take these small steps now and practice them, eventually you will feel comfortable with asking questions to people, then you may find you start to open up, you may find you're able to talk about why you love photography to your classmates, and once confident with that you may be able to talk to your teacher. I still get the fear and panic when faced with talking to someone new, but I've learnt skills that make it easy, that make it easy to relate to people and give the impression that I'm confident. It doesn't happen overnight, but it can happen. Just keep smiling, stay confident, and be true to yourself. Good luck

 

I agree with Dave, andI've been in many similar situations, especially growing up. Take little steps using the tools you have. For example, try just making one friend by finding a common ground. People are more like you than you think, don't forget, we're all human. Little steps will eventually build up, but it definitely does take some time and patience.

 

I have a friend who is just like this, and the only thing I can tell you that in order to overcome your fears you NEED to face them!!!! I'm not telling you to go to a huge gathering. Take baby steps. People LOVE compliments. That's a GREAT way to start a conversation. Asks questions about something you like about them (clothes for example).

Then you can attend very small gatherings and work your way up!

You have to come out of your shell sometime...just do it slowly and remember: NEVER do anything you feel too uncomfortable doing. Good luck!

 

Good advice from everyone. Also, check out this website: http://www.avoidantpersonality.com/ and see if any of the symptoms click like they did with me. Even if they don't, many sites designed for support of this and other social anxiety disorders offer a great deal of good advice on handling hard social situations that others find so easy.