I'm writing this because I've done a great deal of research in terms of what the best ways of developing a good relationship would be. Overall, I think one key thing is important, and that is developing a friendship(and clear-headedness) overall, before jumping into a relationship with a person you have feelings for. This just seems incredibly difficult. The first guy I liked drove me insane. I was completely infatuated by his persona, could not stop thinking about him, and could not get over the possibility of sex with him. All of this combined fooled me into thinking I loved him(which was NOT reciprocated, looking back) and that I wanted to be his boyfriend. However, there was no real emotional chemistry or friendship-like dynamic, and when I really thought about it, his views were much more different than mine were. Right now I'm talking to a guy that, as of now, I am just friends with. We get along pretty well, and our personalities seem pretty compatible. Of course, our friendship has yet to truly develop(should it go that route), but I've already had trouble trying to keep my head out of the gutter, out of the "damn he's good looking", "I really like him", "I can't stop thinking about him", "I want to spend more time with him", etc. type of thinking. IT'S SO INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT!!! But, I am doing well for the most part, and I'm trying to see him as a straight friend in a way, so that the burden and pressure of possible romance don't get in the way. Who knows, maybe in the future things will develop into something more, something that could also have a foundation of friendship. Anyways, the main thing I still can't help thinking, not related to "mind-in-the-gutter" phenomena, is "Is he trying to do the same thing I am? Is he doing well in keeping his mind in the gutter, or is he blinded by 'puppy love', and putting on a facade to impress me? ". A bit of a long post, but just my thoughts. Opinion is appreciated.
It sounds to me like you are unsure about whether you want to be friends with him, or something more? Think about it honestly. Do you see him as more than just a friend? What you should probably do is be friends, but make it obvious to him at least that you would be open for something more - that way the ball is in his court. Don't pressure him but don't be to subtle about it either. If you are too subtle he could miss it entirely and leave you both feeling miserable for more or less the same reasons. Be brave? Best of luck! (*hug*) Kaleb.
Now, i agree with the whole being friends deal, but the one thing i've done which has worked even when i tried to date guys to see if i was really a lesbian was simply tell them i had feelings for them in a non-friend way. I would tell them "i like you, as more than a friend. Now, i'm not saying we have to date and that we can't be friends, but its out there." It sometimes didn't work, but other times it did. It was easier and ensuring that a friendship is possible is the best next thing, that way they know you can still be best friends if they want that. At least you told them though. One thing that works after you tell them the possible feelings is to really let them know that it wont get awkward and that if they just tell you what they want out of your friendship (whether or not they want something more) when they're ready and have thought about it you can make that change. You can either let your feelings grow if they want that or you can just change them to a more friend oriented feeling. Now i know it isn't easy to go to friend mode and sometimes you can't, but if you might be able to this is a possible scenario. Well, i hope everything works out. Best of luck ^_^ Ariel.
Thanks for the advice guys. I do feel that we get along pretty well, and that he's a pretty good guy. I do, however, still want to spend more time hanging out with him since we have not hung out very much, just to see if a good friendship develops and if it eventually turns into something more. Oh yes, there have been hints that attraction is mutual(some fueled by alcohol), and I have noticed him(sober) trying to look at me and lure me into a kiss while we were talking. Overall, with clear thinking, we do get along well and I'd be open for something more than friendship, I just don't rush into things too quickly(I've done that before. . .bad, bad idea).
Heehee My best friend and I just entered a relationship, and we've been friends for five years before we realized our true feelings for each other! I truly believe that friendship builds trust, and with trust you can build a romantic relationship. Go for it!
