Hello everyone, Haven't been on here in a long time... I sort of miss you all but things being as they are there are other people who need support more than I do. I know I'm probably just complaining here. I really shouldn't be, but I'm going to do it anyway. In all likelihood I'll feel better just for writing it out whether somebody takes the time to read and reply or not. So reply to my ramblings if you want to. It won't particularly matter to me. My life has been complete and utter shit for the last few months. Above and beyond shit and moving more into the 'kill me now so I don't have to deal with this' category. It all sort of started back in november. My best friend started dating my sister. I wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea but I was happy enough to support it - better than losing them both after all. I've always been incredibly close with my sister. So... It worked out well enough for a few months. They were the perfect couple and couldn't get enough of each other, yadda yadda yadda. The his parents started to get involved, restricting the time he could spend with her and generally being very controlling. To cut a long story short, that didn't work, his parents and my parents got really angry with each other and he ended up moving in here. So... that also worked out for a little while. About a month or so, if I remember right. And then things really hit the fan. Him and my sister broke up. Violently. With police involvement. And not just them... My parents also seperated at the same time. My mum had grown very close with my best friend over this time and she supported him over my sister while my dad supported my sister. It wasn't pretty. Anyway, it is now about 4 or 5 months after the fact and things are still shit. My parents can barely stand each other and my mum is living in a rental place. I still talk to my best friend on occasion, but its hard. The end story? I sort of lost both my mum and my best friend in one night. My dad and sister are probably worse off than I am, but its still hard I guess... The last couple months I've been very withdrawn. I don't talk to my friends or go places with them if I can help it. I don't speak to either of my parents or my sister - I just spend all my time alone in my room reading. It's gotten to the point where I sim ply don't care about anything anymore. There is a ray of hope though - next year I'm hoping to move interstate for university. For that however, I'm going to have to lift my grades a bit in school. That will give me a fresh start away from this whole mess. At least, I hope it will. I also made a few... mistakes I guess you would call them... Relationship-wise during this time. I started dating a guy less than a week after everything went bad. The guy (Sam) was really nice and a great guy, but I simply didn't feel anything for him. I broke it off badly about a month later. I also sort of led on another guy (Sean) to the point where he convinced himself that he loved me. I sort of ran away from that... I didn't know what to say or do and didn't really feel anything for him either. Maybe I just don't feel anything anymore? There isn't really anybody that I do like. I've been questioning my sexuality again. I've been convinced that I'm Gay for years now but the last few months I've just gotten... sick of it? I don't like being gay. I don't like being part of a minority. I don't want to live that life. I don't even want to have a relationship with a guy anymore, long or short term. The attraction is still there - just not the desire to do anything with it. I regret telling people about it now - It's almost become a defining thing when people think of me. It's like oh... Him... He's gay right? I'm sick of it... I just want to be me - I don't want to be some gay kid - I'd rather be alone for the rest fo my life than have all the things associated with it hanging over my head. I hate it. If people could just accept it as normal, I'd be fine, but the truth of the matter is that they don't and won't. I'm sort of done rambling now. If you have anything you want to say, go ahead. I'd like to hear your thoughts if you have any. Roxas.
Thanks Adam... (*hug*) I just needed to rant... I'm feeling a good deal better now. I have a plan! I'm gonna get out of here at the end of the year. I can hold on that long. ^^ Kaleb.
Hi Kaleb (*hug*) I am sorry for all the things you have been going through. It must have been very difficult to handle. And I'm not very surprised that after all this you feel confused again. Going away sounds like a good idea. I definitly think you can use some time alone and away from drama. It may also help you getting more comfortable with your sexuality. I'm not very surprised that the two relationship you mentionned haven't exactly be a success. In the middle of all that drama that leads your sister and best-friend and your parents to break up, I hardly see how any love relationship could have been appealing. Especially as you don't exactly seem to be comfortable with being gay yet. I hope things are going to get better for you. If you need to talk, feel free to Pm me anytime. (*hug*), Cécile
I think I'm going to be fine... Its just been getting to me recently is all. I'm actually pretty excited about the chance to start afresh in a new state - hopefully it'll help me to be more comfortable with my self as wellas get me away from drama. Thanks for the reply. I think I just need to step back, take a deep breath and then grit my teeth and bear with it for a little while longer. Kaleb.
I feel so sorry for you. I know what it is like when your parents split up it feels very upsetting and you don't quite know what to do. You can always PM Me. George.
