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at an impass

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by darkcheesse, Jul 17, 2010.

  1. darkcheesse

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    recently i have noticed that no matter how hard i try i cant leave my comfort zone,due to fear of what others will think. the only time i can leave my comfort zone and try new and diffrent things is when im intoxicated. ive only been able to come out to people when intoxicated. i feel like my life is in a rut, i do the same things day in and day out, i tend not to do things i want to do for fear of being judged, when i try and do new things i always wimp out and find a way to avoid the situation. i feel like im just what people want me to be, as if i dont have any say in the matter. everything i do seems to be done because i fear people judgeing me.
     
  2. Connor22

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    you ever seen the movie yes? you know the one with Jim carrey wheere he always says yes to everything cus he gets tricked into it? well heres my challenge to you do what is done in the movie, I did it and I'm the biggest whimp out there, just say yes when someone asks a question, I know it sounds really hard and it is I know, just say yes, maybe not to EVERYTHING but like to small things, like if your building into something you know where you start off small and then move on growing into bigger things etc etc, so for your challenge, it could be the small things like "wanna go to the shop" and then the medium things like "wanna join this club?" and then for you probably the hardest thing to say yes would be "are you gay" so are you gonna do it?
     
  3. Owl47

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    Hey,

    I feel very, very similar. I think I'm am progressively getting better at things, though, but I've come to realize a lot of the things I did in my past were because they were what people wanted me to do or expected me to do. There's a sociological term for that I don't remember, but it's related to self-fulfilling prophecy, and it's actually pretty common(Though not usually as severe as it was for me and may be for you).

    Now back from the tangent. I think baby steps are the most important part in trying to leave your comfort zone with people. You can't just jump into being entirely open and outgoing, it doesn't usually work that way. Small things add up over time; try to find little things you can do here and there when dealing with others that are unlike the "usual" things you do, but not too different that you feel uncomfortable or awkward.

    Most of all, remember. . .relax. Physically and psychologically, it's important, and the more relaxed you are the more you'll feel comfortable in certain situations.
     
  4. So you care what other people think of you, it's not uncommon. Just be a little more open to new experiences when they arise and just remember that if or whenever things get bad or you feel in a rut that things will start looking up. Now to start building up your confidence and to help being able to say/do things without having to be intoxicated, one of the best practices is defintely the 'yes man' technique, you dont have to say yes to everything (especially not at first) but a few simple things like 'I'm gunna go pick up your sister, wanna come?'. When it comes to being able to say 'that you're gay without drinking first, just look into the mirror when you get out of the shower and just practice saying 'I'm gay.' every morning untill it just comes naturally. Just remember to keep your chin up and dont be afraid to let loose a little, especially when in public, besides your probably never going to see these people again, who cares what they think.
     
  5. Lexington

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    Well, apparently, you HAVE gotten drunk and gone outside your comfort zone. And told people you were gay. And what happened? Nothing really, right?

    I wish I could give you better advice than to simply step off the diving board and get into that pool, but...step off the diving board and get into that pool. That's where all the fun is. :slight_smile: If there's something specific you want to accomplish, lemme know. Maybe I can help you do that.

    Lex
     
  6. darkcheesse

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    well this week Ive been able to come out too 2 more friends, which i guess is so steps in the right direction, but i was only able to tell them when i was a high as hell. still with same problem i couldn't do it sober, i tried but i worried to much and didn't speak at all. i still can't get passed my fears. any advice would be greatly appreciated
     
  7. paco

    paco Guest

    i'm gonna have to agree with lex. sometimes you just gotta go for it. i mean, you already know deep down everything is gonna be fine or else you wouldnt have made this post, so remember that and ignore the voice that's telling you that you're jumping off a cliff without a parachute--it doesnt know what it's talking about.