I feel used and stupid. I was dating this guy (K) and we had an argument and we had decided that we were going to just be friends until the fall when we were both living in the same city... well we were also still having sex. And i had explained to him that i was waiting for him to be comfortable and that I wasnt going to date anyone else cuz us having sex would kind of ruin that. And i explained to him that i was nervous that he was going to find someone closer to him and leave me behind while im still waiting for him. Well today we made plans to see each other Wednesday. Then he texted me saying that he went to the movies with a friend of mine i had met online and that the day before they had gotten coffee together. So i was a little cautious and asked K what was up and he said that they were strictly friends and that they just had a ton in common and were talking. And so I was talking to the friend and i asked him what happened at the movies and explained the whole story to him about me and K. He told me that during the movie K started groping and rubbing his thighs, legs, and groin... and that he was really uncomfortable and not okay with it, but didnt tell him to stop. So i confronted K and asked him whats up and K basically told me that we have been single since that argument and that he didnt know where i was getting that we would wait for eachother. So i asked him how exactly he justified going to a movie and groping some other guy knowing fully well that we were going to have sex wednesday, like was he planning on telling either of us about the other? K just said that he didnt want to handle all this crap and that the new city was going to be a fresh start and then told me that everything he thought about me was true and that I will never find someone because of my self confidence issues and that he liked me but all of his apprehensions about me were true. Then he unfriended me on facebook and blacklisted my number on his phone. I just feel used and like shit. Like idk y, like i feel dumb because for a second i thought that we could be something and that wasnt the case for him... Idk i cant cry because i just feel numb to everything and i feel worthless... and no matter what I dont want to go back to being single and having to watch everyone else be happy. All it does is depress me and make me hate myself more than ever....
First of all, you're not worthless, this guy is just a jerk. He did you a favor by unfriending you on facebook and blacklisting your cell; he's not worth your time. There are plenty of guys out there that will like you for you, and treat you the way you should be treated. It just takes some effort to actually find them. So spend the energy you would otherwise put into "woe is me" and use it by putting yourself out there, meeting people, making new friends, and engaging in activites that you enjoy.
I really sorry for you to ever put up with this. Anyway if I were you I would go and catch up with friends, talk to an trusted friend about the issue, speak to an counsellor. Anyway men can be so cruel. You are still very young and you still have an chance to meet someone else that can be much better than K.
Hi there! First off, (*hug*) You are not dumb, nor stupid, nor are you worthless. There is no reason to hate yourself. The guy isn't worth another thought, and he doesn't deserve you. You haven't lost anything. In fact, you have gained something. By showing you his true colours he has given you the chance to find someone who will appreciate you and be really interested in you. From what you have mentioned, it is clear that this guy can not be trusted. That is something you don't want to have in any relationship, whether it be dating or being in a stronger relationship. You will find someone with whom you will have the experience of what is it like to be dating and you will be happy. The moving on part will be hard but you will eventually. Try to talk to your friends and try to meet with them as much as you can. If you have to talk to someone, just give them a call, or send them a text and just ask them if they could meet up with you. Go to the movies, maybe engage in outdoor activities with your friends and try to have some fun. Try making some new friends by joining an activity at your community centre, or perhaps even a LGBT support/social group in your area (if possible and haven't done so yet). Meeting new people, and trying to make some new friends can be quite helpful. Another thing you could try doing is immersing yourself in your favorite hobby for a little while, and it doesn't matter what it is. Alternatively, you could also try to pursue a new hobby. Maybe think about something that would interest you. Even that could help you to start turning the page. Often times, the new things in our lives are the things that will help in the moving on process because they are exciting and we learn new things. Another thing you could try is not to beat yourself about it. The more you do that, and the more you think about it, the more difficult you are making it on yourself, because with that you are essentially giving yourself the permission to think about it and to concentrate on that. If you feel that a thought about what happened is coming on, just try acknowledging it and keep doing what you were doing. By doing that, you are allowing yourself to start moving on. The more you do that, the more you tell yourself, "it happened, there is nothing I can do about it, but there are things I can do such as [for example something you would be doing at that moment when the thought comes up] to keep moving forward. Doing one or a combination of any of these things will allow you to begin your moving on process and to put this guy behind you. Keep telling yourself that you will find someone down the road with whom it will work out the way you have hoped for. (*hug*)
Sad to say, to some guys, and K sounds like one of them, "having sex" and "having any sort of commitment" are completely different things. This is, also, one of the things that often goes wrong with the "fuckbuddy" plan... one or the other person ends up with a different set of expectations about what having sex means (or, alternately, one develops feelings for the other, even though that was clearly not in the arrangment) and often, somebody ends up hurt. I suspect that K's response was more that of a cornered rat than a genuine and honest one; he called you out and said things because *he* was feeling embarrassed about being found out, and in a way may have projected his feelings about himself onto you. As for your self confidence issues... sure, they're there, sure, they need work, sure, they may have an effect on the sort of people (like this jerk) that you attract in the short term. But... you're working on your issues. He, apparently, is not willing to even acknowledge his. 6 months or a year from now, you'll have gotten a much better understanding of yourself and be attracting healthier people. He, on the other hand, will likely make a "fresh start" doing the exact same shit he's doing now, and so a year from now, will be making exactly the same mistakes and wondering why he can't sustain a relationship. Although it isn't what you want to hear, having this guy out of your life really is the best thing for you. Now you can put some energy into learning to love yourself and, in so doing, begin to attract healthier people to you. In a few months or so you'll be looking back at him going "what was I thinking???"
