Coming out to my 'straight homophobic' best friend.

I'm in the process of writing a letter to one of my closest friends to explain to him that I'm gay (even though the label isn't really that appropriate). The thing is, he's apparently straight and homophobic (though I doubt it most of the time).

I'm very, very nervous about it, and I want some imput: what should I say?
The obvious stuff like it changes nothing, I'd still bone Katy Perry, I still listen to screamo music, and all stuff like that are going to be included.

What are some things that I should put in?

 

I just told him, and he's actually writing back to me.
I'm f*cking shaking. Here's a copy of the letter I sent. Sorry if it offends.

It’s REALLY important that you read all of this. It might be a little long, but you need to read it all. Please don’t jump to any conclusions before you finish.

And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t tell anyone this. I don’t care if you end up hating me or something, PLEASE don’t say anything.
I’ve been struggling with it for a while, and I’ve hated myself for years because of it. I’ve gotten to the point where killing myself seemed like the easiest way. I’ve spent SO MANY nights just lying awake wishing it was different. But I know it’s not.

I don’t think a label is appropriate, though I guess you could say I’m gay (no one is completely straight and gay – I’d still f*ck Katy Perry in a heartbeat, I think Ke$ha is hot in a trashy-sorta way. I’ve liked chicks, and I can still pick them out). I’ve known for a few years, and I’ve struggled with it for as many years. And don’t jump to any conclusions – even though I’m ‘gay’ all those times I was mucking around being gay with you it wasn’t serious. I still can joke about it.

It changes absolutely nothing. I still am the same kid you’ve always known. I still love Paramore, I still wanna be a doctor, I’m still sarcastic and a dickhead most of the time, Scrubs is still my favourite show and Family Guy always makes me laugh. I’m still Matt, and you’re still Chris, so I don’t think that me being gay should change ANYTHING at all.

I’m not flamboyant (you know; lisp, limp wrist, loves fashion and is obsessed with Lady Gaga), and I never will be. In fact, I'm not a huge fan of flamboyant gay people.

I completely understand if you now hate me – feel free to delete me off Facebook, block and delete me on MSN and block my number on your phone. I just hope that you can look past this tiny little thing.
Thanks, and sorry.

 

Warning: profanity.

"As soon as you said “goodbye for now or forever” I knew exactly what was in that letter, but I didn’t wanna believe it. It took me ten minutes before I opened it. And fuck oath, I have never been speechless before, and I dunno what to say.

But holy shit, I know get why all the times I said i hated gays why you defended them so strongly, but it never ever crossed my mind that in a million years that you would be. But fuck! I always thought that if someone ever “came out of the closest” to me, that that would be it. End of talking to them.

But fuck. I swore i would never have a gay friend. But fucking shit, I’ve known you for so fucking long. And we have everything in common; we can just be complete and utter fuckheads around each other. And, fuck I dunno what to say.

I’m shaking, i dunno what to say, I even had a tear in my eye there.

Fuck, why the fuck would i block you, or never talk to you again. I know i said i hate gays but fuck, i knew you before any of that shit. And im gonna try to forget you said anything. Cause i know your not gay, and in my eyes your not. And don’t try to convince me otherwise."

Holy.
Shit.

I sent him the letter on MSN and he sent that back on MSN. We then continued to talk:

"Matt... (8)Sing me to sleep; I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."(8) says (10:55 PM):
*
*I guess that letter's the best I could hope for, right?

J o n e s y Yagoona Schooner #1 (H) says (10:56 PM):
*yupp

Matt... (8)Sing me to sleep; I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."(8) says (10:56 PM):
*I can't just leave it at "Cause i know your not gay, and in my eyes your not."
*I've spent so many years thinking about it, and I've come to that conclusion myself.

Matt... (8)Sing me to sleep; I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."(8) says (10:57 PM):
*I'm pretty damned sure I am.
*But it doesn't mean anything
*Fuck, I want to throw up.

J o n e s y Yagoona Schooner #1 (H) says (10:58 PM):
*not in my eyes, and dont ever try to convince me you are

Matt... (8)Sing me to sleep; I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."(8) says (10:59 PM):
*So what, I should pretend to be someone else then?
*Even though I am, it doesn't change anything.

J o n e s y Yagoona Schooner #1 (H) says (10:59 PM):
*i know it doesnt
*your still the same matt
*and in my eyes your not

Matt... (8)Sing me to sleep; I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."(8) says (10:59 PM):
*I can't just be happy with that!

Matt... (8)Sing me to sleep; I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."(8) says (11:00 PM):
*It's like saying that nothing happened!

J o n e s y Yagoona Schooner #1 (H) says (11:00 PM):
*you know your gay, i know your gay, why does it matter, it doesnt change anything

Matt... (8)Sing me to sleep; I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."(8) says (11:00 PM):
*Fuck man.

Matt... (8)Sing me to sleep; I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."(8) says (11:01 PM):
*I'm so fucking happy, you'ce got no idea.
*BRB

J o n e s y Yagoona Schooner #1 (H) says (11:01 PM):
*except i fucking hate you

Matt... (8)Sing me to sleep; I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."(8) says (11:01 PM):
*What?

Matt... (8)Sing me to sleep; I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."(8) says (11:02 PM):
*Back in a sec

J o n e s y Yagoona Schooner #1 (H) says (11:02 PM):
*i downloaded that thing
*and all it is is a rar file"

Holy shit.

That's massive from him!

 

^ I know, right?!

I was ready to lose him as a friend, but then he wrote me that letter and I was just like :O.

 

I probably didn't write it too well, I admit it does sound like I'm a bit unsure of my own sexuality. I did neglect to put the fact I'm fine with it now (We talked about it later on and I said something along with lines of "I'm comfortable with it" and he didn't care and said "We're still the same, no matter what happened").

With the "I'm not a huge fan of flamboyant gay people" I was trying to explain that I'm not that attracted to them (again, I'm really sorry if that is offensive!), but I didn't think that saying who I was attracted to would be a great thing to write in the first letter.

I wasn't really ready to come out to him (is anyone really ready to possibly lose a friend?) but I thought that I should just do it, I've been keeping it from him for years and I thought it was unfair that he shared his deepest secret with me but I said "I can't tell you mine".

And this can probably be moved to the Coming Out Stories sub-forum.

And that "except I f*****g hate you" was because before I told him to download a large file that was in a .rar file format and he didn't know what to do with it (so he thought it was a waste of downloads).

 

Thanks.

It threw me off so damned much, but when he explained it I was so relieved.
We're talking now like nothing happened. It's fantastic. Actually, I think we're talking more. Sometimes stuff like that brings you closer together.