Long story short - I used to be engaged to a man, but now I'm in love with a wonderful woman. My Mom has taken it alright... not wonderfully, but not poorly. My dad can't get over it. He's angry whenever something about me dating a girl is brought up and just really cranky all of the time. He still loves me, but he's never shown it really. Ever. My extended family, for the most part, don't know. All of my friends know. Anyway, apparently my Dad wants me to tell everyone (including his parents, who would not be accepting). I don't want to yet - I'm not ready. I'm still coming to terms with who I am and how I interact with the world. I don't label my sexuality, although I know everyone around me does. My dad says I'm being selfish by not letting him tell everyone. He wants to just tell everyone I'm gay so it's out in the open.I don't think it's his place nor is it the right time. I don't label myself as a lesbian, and don't want someone who is close to me doing it for me. **(I must note that I am always being called selfish. I wanted to have a few friends over for my birthday before I take a job out of state and not see them for months/years. I was called selfish there too) Am I being selfish?
Definitely not! It is YOUR decision when to tell people, IF you tell people. He needs to butt out of your personal life. He should be glad that he even gets to know in the first place. >_< Sorry, I just have a strong dislike of parents who fail to understand anything in the human world. But yeah... in a less angry tone.. No, you aren't being selfish, dear. Not in the slightest. Oh, and welcome to EC.
Hardly. It's your place to tell people in the first place. After all you are the one with something to tell here. You're not being selfish at all. It is not anyone's place but yours to tell people, if you choose to tell them at all that is. And welcome to EC. :smilewave
You are in no way being selfish. The same thing happened to me with my mom, when I told her she promised she wouldn't tell anyone I was gay till I was ready. Well she told a few people behind my back and never told me she told them, so when I found out I confronted her and she said I was being a selfish ass and she had the right to tell anyone she wanted to
It is your issue on who should know or not but at the same time once you tell one person you have to be prepared for others who you didn't want to know to find out because holding in a secret that others might need to discuss with people not involved in it to help them come to terms with it is unfair. But yes he should not tell anyone as long as you eventually let him tell others once you are more comfortable with everything going on.
Sounds like your Father is being selfish. He seems to think he can embarrass you straight. Like putting this pressure on you will magically make you: "never mind I'm cured! I like boys now!" You're going to have be firm, plant your feet and tell him its your life and if HE wants to be a part of it then HE needs change his attitude.
Thank you all very much! It's been really hard to deal with, but I'm moving away next week to take a job out of state. It will help not having to be around him, but I know he'll still want to be telling people (especially since my gf and I are rooming together). I have told him he doesn't have to be a part of my adult life, but he doesn't show emotion (other than anger) so who knows how he feels about that. I have tried to think of it from his point of view, but he doesn't talk to his friends about 'feelings'. He pretends he doesn't have them. He thinks only weak people have them. He talks to my mom about it a little, but who knows. Anyway, thanks again!
