I am a 20 year old student trying to find a way to come out to my parents and my friends. I am not a very confident person, and the last two years have been marred by significant emotional issues that have ruined friendships and stunted me from meeting new people and emotionally maturing, I've also developed social anxiety issues, and I'm still an incredibly self-conscious person. Amongst all this, I really want to come out, because I believe that by being completely honest to my friends and family, I can overcome much of the shame and guilt I've internalized for so long. I feel comfortable telling my friends and my peers, so my biggest issue is with my parents. I used to care tremendously what my parents thought of me (and even their friends and my extended relatives). I know that it will come as a shock to my mom, but not a tremendous one. The reaction I fear is my dad's. I have a good relationship with my parents, despite my dishonesty with them, I have a very privileged lifestyle and they have given me a lot of opportunities I truly am grateful for (I study at an expensive university, I am well traveled, they give me a very generous allowance). I have no money of my own at the moment, and my biggest concern about coming out to them is that my father would cut me off completely (as absurd and ridiculous as it all sounds). My father is an emotionally insecure man, socially conservative, and occasionally homophobic, and I'm not sure what he's capable of. I don't know what to do, or how far in advance I should plan this, because I want to be honest with them and myself, but I can't fathom having all my money cut off, and worst of all, putting my education in danger. Ugh, advice anyone?
well heres some tips i think could help you out 1) If your not ready to come out, your not ready. Give yourself the time you need to feel comfortable to sit down and let them know. When you are ready to do it you will know. 2) Test the waters. Basically occasionally bring up something LGBT related more often to get a better feel for your families opinion if you are unsure. If it is a little negative that is understandable considering they do not have someone close to them LGBT. 3) If you are really worried (and feel it is definitely a legit possibility) that your dad will cut you off, wait until you are financially independent and out of school. -If 3 is the way you go simply Focus on other issues such as your social anxiety and things. maybe ask about going to a councilor or psychologist. They will also be able to help you in regards to coming out. Just remember that it always seems more intimidating and dangerous than it is in most cases, and that if your not sure you want to do it you are probably not quit ready for that step. Just remember there is nothing wrong with that it takes time to work up courage for something like that hope i helped so (*hug*) and good luck
coming out is a great way to allow yourself to develop and grow closer to your friends/loved ones. i've heard from friends, family, and friends of family that since coming out i generally seem more friendly and open towards people, before i wasn't unpleasant per se but i was moody and it was obvious that i was shutting people out. unfortunately, it's not always the right time to come out such as in cases where you would be putting your future at risk. if that is the case i would urge you not to tell your father yet. but i do think you should tell your mother if you believe she will understand. you may have to keep your father in the dark, but it might take a big weight off your chest for someone at home to know you as you are.
Coming out isnt easy for anyone and I had a lot of the same problems as you do when I was first accepting my own sexuality and coming out to others. If you're in a situation where you really think your parents will cut you off and ruin your schooling, then get what you need from them, and then tell them. Maybe that means not coming out to them until you're out of college. Lucky for you, it's pretty easy to be out in college and have your parents NOT know about it. Realizing and accepting your sexuality can sometimes make you feel alone and socially anxious among other things. For the most part, those feelings go away when you get it all off your chest. Right now you feel like there's something to hide and you might not even realize it yet. When you come out you start to feel something you've never felt before, the ability to be yourself completely and fully. It is a great thing, just remember, you build up the event of coming out too much most of the time. The truth is most people just don't care that you're gay. So get comfortable with it and you'll start feeling a lot better!
