...Who am I?

Firstly, let me say that I don't really have any answers, but I'll try and offer some sort of advice based on my own experience......I could relate to some things you said.

It's hard to know what you want to do in life. Personally, I don't really have a clue what I want to do. The first university course I went into I left because I generally felt miserable there, and it made me feel like a bit of a failure.....however I took some time to think about it and realised that I wanted to study maths (I'm weird, I know ) and am fairly happy doing that now. Only you can really know what your passion is. The fact your doubting whether to study Game Art & Design should make you wonder if that's what you really want to do. The key word there is "WANT". It's your life, don't ever feel pushed into anything you don't want to do. If you think about it (and I know it's a hard thing to work out) and find that you really do want to do it then great! But don't be afraid to decide that you've changed your mind and you want to do something else.....you're only 20 so time is on your side. Obviously I don't know what your personal circumstances are, but hopefully you'll be allowed time at home to work out what you really want to do.

As for campus v online, if you're wanting to make new friends and find out more about yourself then I'd say go study on campus......is it still possible to do this? Maybe you're shyness is holding you back? It's always easier to take the safe option of not having to deal with others, but in the long run will this be useful? I say this because my own shyness/awkwardness in social situations has often held me back. I've often (and still do to a certain extent) avoid people or social situations simply to save myself from embarassment. But I'm also potentially missing out in enjoyable moments, meeting new people and possibly making my shyness worse. I think the best way to get better in social situations is simply to experience these situations, you do get better.......

"And when you want to live, how do you start? Where do you go? Who do you need to know?" Your questions reminded me of that song lyric :lol: They're good questions and I really don't know how to answer them. I guess it's only by living life that you'll start to discover who you are and what you want to do......these things I guess can never be forced, they just come to you I think

I'm sorry if this post has been utterly useless, but I thought I'd share my thoughts, even if they were slightly crap :lol: All I can say is that I too - and I suspect many others - are asking ourselves the same question. Who are we?

I hope that everything works out well for you, and that, in time, you discover who you are

 

Hey! I relate in a way as well. I'm terrified to go out, meet new people, try new things, attend campus college, etc. I don't want to go out there and embarrass myself. As WillNeverMarry said, it's about what we want to do. Shyness, lack of self confidence, etc hold us back and keep up in the "safe" situation. I used to think me being overweight/obese was the reason I didn't go out because that was the easiest thing to blame. I can't say that anymore because I am no longer overweight/obese. Sure, I'm unfit, but nothing that is to be ashamed of anymore. I guess what I'm trying to say is unless we take that first step, just like a baby takes their first step we won't know what to do next. Imagine how a baby feels getting up for the first time, trying to take that first walk. It would be "easier" for them to just crawl. it'd be the safe thing to do, but they don't They take that first step whether or not it lands them on the floor, into a table, and they normally get right back up.

We need to take that first step. I said we, because I need to do it as well. I take online classes, and hate it. I want to get out and experience things, but I refrain from doing so because I don't want to be embarrassed, made fun of, dogged down, or so humiliated that I want to jump off a cliff.

As for your questioning on what it is you actually want to do with your life. Again, this is totally up to you, but as WillNeverMarry said, if you are second guessing yourself on whether it is what you want to do because as you said you love theater as well. Perhaps theater is what you want to do. Honestly we're not going to know WHAT we want to do unless we get out there and experience it. Sitting at home taking online classes is more for people who KNOW what they want to do. I don't exactly know what I want to do myself, which is part of the reason why I hate online classes. I love the computer field, and am really good at it, but there's that part of me that I want to be in film. I'd say if you don't want to go out of state, transfer to a closer college, and experience it. Take that baby step from where you are and see what it's like. You may like it, you may not. I, myself will be taking the step as well. It's the scariest step we have to make. Unless we do, we're going to be miserable unless we know what we want to do. I don't have very many friends either and what friends I do have locally don't associate with me on a regular basis. Probably because they hate me or are sick of me. I need to get out and make new friends, but still remember my old friends. I'm sure I annoy my friends by saying things I want to do, but never actually stick with to do. I stick to the internet because it's the safe thing to do and never wanted to go out and experience anything. Now I do because I'm left feeling empty.

Sorry for the long ramble, and my apologies is this doesn't help with you either. Good luck though!

 

This...is so me. I love jackets as well. I have to keep myself from buying them.

But you asked, "Where do I start?" Here you go. Here is a perfect example!

"I am Ethan, and I love jackets." There is never really some metaphysical answer to the question, "Who/What am I?". Who you are is made up of a bunch of little details that may be as simple as liking jackets or as complex as spirituality.

So if you need to get a grasp on yourself, look at the details. You seem like a great guy already. Clever, musical, funny, gay, and jackety. My kind of guy.

 

I have to say it. I don't know who I am either. Apparently, I went backwards with the whole self-ID process, as I know what I want to do (computer programming), but the rest of my identity is worse than Swiss cheese.

Of course, I've been messing with computers for the majority of my life. I only started enjoying certain music about four years ago. And my social life? I used up my allowance of links for the month.

I can't offer much help. All I can add is yet another person to the pile.

 

I admire this desire you have. It's not an easy journey, and I'm not sure there's a decisive answer. But I understand and relate to many of the questions you are asking.

I think you should experiment with the things you want to do. Start out small, especially on the social aspect. You'll only need 2 or 3 really good, rooted friends in your life to survive socially. They'll help you through any social situations you need. It may take a while to find them, however. You'll probably have to branch out.

That branching out could concievably take you to a campus to interact with others. But I wouldn't want you jumping in. Take a small step as you discover yourself. And make sure to stay in those things that you like. Stay with the jacket hobby. I personally think music can truly define a person too, so keep that up too.

Don't be afraid to step in, even if it's just a toe to start. You'll find what you're looking for as you journey. And remember, just two friends, even if they give you a hug every day, might be all you need to gain the courage to keep on branching. I didn't touch on everything, but I hope this helps a bit.

 

change is scary because it is unknown, but its no different then being scared of the dark. You can't see what is ahead, but when you look back you're not scared of what you see because you've survived it. Try and remember that.
Once you leave and go to school, if that is what you decide to do, remember this feeling of fear cause when you look back at it and see how small and insignificant it is.
Once you realize that the unknown is nothing to be scared of you disarm the only thing holding you back.

Your at an awsome time of your life, your old enough to take charge of you life, but not so old that people will understand if you feel a little lost about things.

I Think the Sick Puppies said it best:
"So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change"