Trying not to sound dramatic (and probably failing) but unsure where else to go

Hey everyone, first I kinda feel like im cheating a little bit here since I dont post unless I'm after some advice or reassurance but I guess im in no position to give advice atm.

Having a lot of problems atm and have noone to speak about them so who else to come to than EC? (*hug*) I'm gonna throw up all of them at once but dont feel the need to reply to everything, but any advice is a godsend.

Still no change in the coming out situation (still fully closeted) but im feeling more and more like the time is close for me to come out and I want to tell my parents first.

I didnt want to tell them before last week because it was my brothers wedding and (as i told myself) i didn't want to distract well deserved attention from them but now the time has gone I know i was just procrastinating.

Ive been searching myself the past few weeks and i'm kinda coming to the conclusion that the closet is ruining my (social) life and physical and mental health, for the past 3 years or so I have barely left the house because of my anxiety about meeting new people - not that im shy, just that I hate the idea of making friends with someone and not having the courage to tell the truth, I tell myself when I come out to my family and parents then it will all be fine because then I can be out in the open and only people who accept me will befriend me, if that makes sense - and now my parents have told me that they are withdrawing any financial support unless i do somthing before September 1st (and this was kinda unexpected). They have no idea of my struggles and im getting very worried now. (I live with my parents btw)

To top this off, ive been speaking with my parents individually who I noticed have been very akward with one and other and it seems there is a possible breakup on the horizon, which is also VERY unexpected and i'm at a loss of what to do, there is nothing I can do? I keep telling my self if I come out to them it may distract them from there differences but I know it wont last and I don't have the courage anyway.

My dad has been very supsicious and recently spends huge amount of time on websites such as MSN or Omegle/chatroullete which he NEVER was interested in before, he keeps his screen positioned away from anyones view if im around and always logs out of msn before leaving the PC, basically he is hiding things that shouldnt need hiding if it was honest behaviour and it makes me sick to think of what it could be. His reasons for the fallout when I brought it up were very shakey also, I think he tried to drop the bomb on me and hope it was enough to go without explaining the details, basically it went:
Me - "dad, without spoiling the mood and I dont normally ask things like this, but is something going on between you and mum?"
him - long silence "there is definatley something, yes."
goes on to explain that he sick of my mum not taking care of her health (smoking mainly) and that she owes him moeny for debts he recently paid (not a huge amount of money) seems very shakey grounds for a break up to me. when I spoke with my mum she is just angry that they are not speaking and she doesn't know the reason why, but she doesnt expect whats coming... and I cant say a word and it sickens me. its alot to deal with on top of the closet situation.

In summary -

Im now terribly worried about my parents breaking up, I know it will be such a hard blow to my mum and will make life hard, though its no joy now with the atmosphere. I want to come out but I dare not incase of any negative reaction and feel very pressured by the limit set on September, and feel very un-motivated to get a job or go (back) to college while im still in the closet. I dont want to make the atmosphere potantially worse by my comming out but at the same time I feel maybe it will make things all better if I do? So I guess what I'm asking is (apart from just letting off steam), should I or shouldn't I? Is there anything I can do to help stop the upcoming break-up? and What advice on my own health, I hide it very well like most closeted people but I always feel week and I am under weight, probably with my bad eating routines.

Thanks EC and sorry to drop this on you guys/gals.

 

Thankyou both it really does help,

even though I know the decision is still mine and nothing has technically changed, you understood perfectly my disjointed story and put it in better words than i myself could and it does help.

I guess you're right, I have been avoiding it and making up excuses to put it off, and the fact that the breakup is not actually my problem does make me feel a little easier about it, because i did feel to some extent it was my place to do something about it, but I see its just for them to sort between themselves.

Your advice is good Lex, but I have tried writing letters before which included all my worries and all I think to myself is that when they read it they will by skeptical and think i'm over-dramatising or looking for attention because I hide it well and im certain they dont suspect i'm having trouble. I was thinking of writing a short note saying simply "I am gay" then letting the questions come from there. Maybe my other problems dont necassarily need talking about since they either cannot be effected or will be solved when I come out.

Iniquity I think you're right, I always wanted to tell my parents first but its difficult as im sure every knows, so going back to college as an openly gay person may help me to come out to them, all that worries me is word getting back to them from someone else (or to any of my current friends).

 

Sorry for the late reply havn't had the PC in private for a while, and i'll have to keep this short for the same reason.

That would be a great help so when I get chance ill write what I think may be good and post it here for your opinions if thats okay?

and thanks again your support really helps and I dont know when ill have the courage to give it to them