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Being pressured on getting delievered

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by HowUDoin, Jul 22, 2010.

  1. HowUDoin

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    So last weekend my sister found out that ive been sneaking out to the gay clubs and now she knows that im Bisexual because I told her the truth when she asked me about it. And she accepted it but she wanted me to seek her pastor for guidance. So the other day we went to her church to speak to her pastor 2-on-1 and her pastor told me that she wants me to
    -Come to their church every Sunday
    -Pray with my sister everyday
    -Start building a bridge from my homosexual friends (the only friends I have)
    - and to get Delivered
    Right now im feeling alot of pressure in something I dont want to do at the moment. But I feel like I have to do this in order to make my sister happy. I mean im still young (18y.o.) and I feel like I still have a long time to where I want to think about getting my life straight for god.
    I just feel pressured in something I dont want to do at the moment....
    How should I tell them that im not ready and just for them to get off my back about it?
     
  2. Jiggles

    Jiggles Guest

    You are 18! You can do what YOU want. You are an individual. They cannot force you to do something you dont want to do. They can try but they will fail. When they tell you, stand your ground and say no. Tell them calmly why. There is no need to break away from your gay friends. Its them that wants you to do that, not you.
     
  3. Eric

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    I'd tell the pair that you're happy living life the way you are, that you have no moral objections to homosexuality, and that you don't have gay friends but rather friends who happen to be gay. Help them also understand that you're bisexual and that's the way you were born. That's just the way it is and nothing will change that. If you believe in god, there's no problem, but just let them know that you want to live your life a little bit before you can actually commit yourself. And if not, well that's what you tell them. The pastor would almost certainly tell you you're making a mistake, but you shouldn't give two shits about what he says. If you do want to be a churchgoer, wait until you're comfortable doing so. In the end, it probably won't matter in the eyes of god if he does exist.
     
  4. OutToSea

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    This is very good advice. I honestly don't know why you'd even consider going through with what she wants.
     
  5. HowUDoin

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    Thanks everybody for the input!
    I just finished talking to my sister about it and she said that there not pressuring me to change but they do want me to start going to there church and learn the word to build a knowledge and a better relationship with god. I can understand that...
    as for my gay friends they just dont want me to be pressured by them into doing the wrong things like sneaking out to the gay clubs. Not completely cut them off I guess..
    Thanks everyone!
     
  6. Chip

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    You're dealing with people who, sadly, have an ignorant view of the world and treat homosexuality as either a choice, or work of the devil. Neither, of course, is true.

    My honest advice to you is that going to church, praying, separating from your gay friends will only confuse you and muddy the waters about your true feelings. What you need is help from someone who does not have any agenda other than to help you find what you need to be happy.

    A pastor, and in this case, your sister, are not those people. What you need is a therapist, and not one with a Christian background.

    I would suggest respectfully telling your sister you appreciate her intent, but you are going to seek support and guidance from a counselor or other source that doesn't have a religious bias. She may resist, but you need to take care of YOU and not worry about your sister; you are not her keeper, and she is not your keeper.

    We also have, among our advisor team, a priest who is in the process of coming out himself, who has thought these issues through extensively in the context of the Bible and Christian theology. He would be a much, much better person to talk to about this sort of issue than your sister or the pastor at your church.

    I would also suggest that you get Prayers for Bobby from itunes for $3. It's a wonderful movie (true story) about a woman who was devoutly religious and, thorugh her ignorance, essentially drove her son to commit suicide... but ultimately came to understand that the religious teachings she'd gotten were wrong. It's a moving and powerful and well done film, and I highly recommend it.

    Feel free to message me, or Padre, or any of the other advisor team if you want more help. You're on the right path now... don't let your own emotional health and well-being get derailed by well-meaning but ignorant advice from your sister or pastor.
     
  7. Jiggles

    Jiggles Guest

    How is going to a gay club the 'wrong thing?' It's a night out. Good laugh etc. :slight_smile:
     
  8. Walolas

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    If you are still living with your parents who would disprove of you sneaking out at night regardless of the reason I can see them trying to look out for you otherwise they are just instantly prejudicing your friends cause they happen to be gay. You seem like a person that can make your own decisions and hopefully they can trust you to at least make friends with who you want.
     
  9. HowUDoin

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    I guess its the sneaking out part and the risk of something happening with my parents not knowing of it
     
  10. HowUDoin

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    Thanks for the advice and recommendations. I feel alot better from reading this post! (*hug*)
     
  11. Jiggles

    Jiggles Guest

    Going back to my first post. Your 18 so you can, sure they are going to be worried that just parents for you. When you leave the house they can't keep an eye on you then. Just something they will have to live with. Just tell them you are off out with friends etc.
     
  12. kettlkorn

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    tell those people to go fuck themselves. simple as that
     
  13. Z3ni

    Z3ni Guest

    Whats getting delivered?
     
  14. Lexington

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    I see no issue with doing the first two items if you have any inkling to do them. (Although I can't imagine praying with your sister is high on your "things I wanna do" list...) But the last two are especially problematic.

    "Start building a bridge from my homosexual friends."

    That doesn't sound like your words but his. And they're rather convoluted. Because bridges UNITE things. You build a (real) bridge between two places to make travel between them easier. And you build a (metaphorical) bridge between two people to make interaction easier. "Building bridges" in this context means facilitating contact, and feeling more relaxed and open with each other.

    But he doesn't want you to build a bridge TO these people. He wants you to build a bridge FROM them. FROM them...to where?

    My guess is he doesn't want you to build a bridge. He wants you to build a wall. Or, to put it another way, he wants you to start tearing down the bridge between you and your gay friends. I'm guessing he's seeing this thing in black and white terms. The gay ("negative") people are exerting this evil influence on you, and making you think you're something you're not. So he wants you to minimize the evil influence (stop hanging out with your gay friends), and maximize the good influence (pray with your sister, go to church). By which method you'll be "delivered".

    Not so fast.

    The thing is - you didn't go to this pastor for advice. You went to the pastor because your sister wanted you to, and you like your sister enough to do so. You're sneaking out to gay clubs not because (I'm guessing) you think it's a shameful thing to do, but because you didn't want your family to find out. Or, to put the whole thing in perspective, you don't really have a problem with what you are, or what you're doing. Your problem is that other people have a problem with what you are and what you're doing.

    Gays aren't just a bunch of people who didn't give God a fair shake. If that were true, the anti-gay movement's success rate would be hovering right around 100%. Instead, it's hovering close to 0%. And I'm guessing you're not gay/bi because you "fell in with the wrong crowd". You're gay/bi because you dig guys (too). I hang out with plenty of straight folks, and none of them caught the gay from me. :slight_smile: You can reconcile your religion with your sexuality - thousands have. But you CAN'T pray the gay away, and your sister and pastor aren't gonna be the first to succeed where others have failed.

    Talk to your sister. Thank her sincerely for her concern. (She almost certainly isn't being cruel - she's simply misguided.) Tell her you understand where she's coming from, but you've decided you're going to find another way to find out exactly who and what you are. Chip gave you some good suggestions. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  15. Lebowski45

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    Ask the "Christians" what Jesus had to say on the matter of homosexuality. Then watch as they shift uncomfortably without giving a reply........the fact is that Jesus didn't say anything on the matter. Many so called Christians have taken things out of the Bible to create this hatred for homosexuality, in total opposition to what Jesus - the man they are supposed to be following - actually preaches, mainly love and tolerance. Growing up a Christian myself, I was brought up thinking - in ignorance - that being gay was wrong. It isn't. And if you do wish to hold on to your faith, it can be easily reconciled with your sexuality. Of course, don't feel that you have to cling to any beliefs that you don't really believe in either. It's what YOU want to do, that's the most important thing. Don't try to appease anyone else.

    Over the last few years my, once fairly solid faith, has wavered on and off and its currently a very grey area for me. I have a lot of disdain for many things that the church and some "christians" do and say, but there are also many good Christians out there and I still admire greatly the teachings of Jesus. If someone was a true "Christian" they wouldn't judge people for loving, they'd try to look at the real causes of misery and suffering in the world, poverty, war etc. It seems absolutely ridiculous that people who are supposed to be followers of Jesus spend more time worrying about two people of the same sex loving each other than they do on genuine problems.

    Don't let people try to change you. Hope everything works out well for you
     
  16. Zumbro

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    I think they want him to be "delivered" from the sin of homosexuality and into the arms of christ...

    Anyways, if you don't want to go to church, then don't. Your beliefs are your own, and nobody should try and force anything else upon you. If you do want to go to church, honestly, then go to a different one. It is not going to be too difficult these days to find a pastor who will accept you and tell you not to hide yourself. Your sister has guaranteed that you will have a bad experience at her church though.
     
  17. Andrew1403

    Andrew1403 Guest

    Dont let religion get in the way of your life...and dont let it control you...and dont be fooled into doing things just because someone is wearing pastoral clothing..
     
  18. paco

    paco Guest

    so long as we're talking about your sister, i am assuming that we are talking about peers.

    going on that notion, if she has the right to try to convince you in her beliefs, then you have the right to try to convince her of yours. and i would say present it just like that. agree to go with her to these meetings etc, but in return, she must read testimonials and information that you find whether it be on gay culture or the evolution of man. it's only fair, and hey, if neither of you changes your mind, so be it, but at least everyone has made an informed decision rather than an impulsive one.
     
  19. george678

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    You have had all that courage to come out.
    If you go and get delivered it will really confuse you and you may be like Bobby which Chip was talking about...such a good but moving and sad film.
     
  20. blankpaper

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    Prayers for Bobby makes me cry every time I see it :frowning2: But it's so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!