First, I want to say I love this site because it's helped me a lot. When I first joined (that was an old deleted account) I even had trouble typing out that I'm gay. Just reading stuff here helps. Anyway so I've made a lot of progress since last year. I came out to one person - a high school friend I don't get to see anymore. It was really hard - I forced myself because I knew it would be good for me in the end, but I didn't like doing it (even though she was totally cool). It seemed to be going well. I thought for sure I'd be able to tell a few other friends by the end of July. But, after I told her, nothing more has happened. I know - don't set deadlines, everyone has their own time, it'll happen, etc..... BUT I feel like its NEVER going To happen and I DONT WANT TO wait anymore. I admitted fully to myself that I was gay like 6 years ago, and then I just put it on the backburner and did nothing. I don't want to wait 6 more years and then wake up one day and realize wtf have I been doing with my life???? Oh the other problem is, I'm so shy I can't talk about stuff like this!!!! I procrastinate making dentist appointments because I'm too shy to talk to them on the phone. I mean if I can't do that how do I tell everyone that I'm gay?!??! Sorry this post is so rambly and unspecific. I'm just bothered by the whole thing. I jsut want to be happy and gay and not worry about this stuff anymore.
Make a plan and set deadlines. Often the advice we give about coming out is tailored to our experience and what worked for us. And for non-procrastinators or mild procrastinators, a deadline is probably a bad idea. But if it's a major issue with you, give yourself deadlines. And get the person you've come out to help if possible. If that person isn't someone you can ask for help, tell someone you can and use him or her to lever yourself out of the closet.
I really think you need to work more on your shyness. It's ok to be shy but not if it affects your life too much. I too am really shy, but I'm slowly trying to work on it. Try exposing yourself more to things that you normally wouldn't and eventually you'll get over it.
First of all, in my experience, coming out was never entirely one big rush forward. On some times when I thought I was going to come out to people, I didn’t manage to, and on other times I ended coming out without planning. Things did go easier the more people I came out to, though. I waited months between my first and second coming-outs, and even more months before I came out to a thirds person, but the more people knew, the more of a routine it became. As Liam said, setting a deadline is a good first step. Not just: “Oh, I’ll probably come out to them by july”, because that’s way too carefree. More like: “August 8th, on [insert occasion when you meet], I’ll tell him” That way, when August 8th (or, obviously, any other day you picked) rolls around, you wake up knowing what the plan for the day is. It’s easier to change large sweeping timetables than it is to change definite plans. You could even make a thread on it here in advance, saying “It’s going to happen today, wish me luck, guys”. That way you have a bit more of a push in the back. And if you’re out to more and more friends, you can use them as a support to fall back on (I’d say you should still try to reconnect with your high school friend. Any support you can get is good!) If you’re really shy (and I’m like that myself, even down to the point where I have to plan ahead a day in advance to call my dentist for an appointment… and he’s my next-door neighbour :lol, it can also help to write them a letter. It’s easier writing down what you want to say to them, and then let them come to you with questions. And the act of writing a letter already makes coming-out more concrete. I planned to come out to some people over a letter because I was nervous about facing them, and just the act of writing them pushed me over the edge to do it to their faces. It is going to happen soon, I promise. The fact that you’re getting annoyed that it hasn’t happened yet and are posting about it here proves that you’re ready to do it!
I disagree with not setting deadlines. If I didnt set deadlines I'd have never told my roommates. I think what you really have to do is set a date where you want to be fully out, then set smaller goals along the way to help you meet that deadline. It doesnt have to be a hard deadline, you can say, by sometime next year, i'm gonna be fully out of the closet. Then when you decide you want to tell someone else, tell yourself, by this day i'm gonna tell them, thenwhen the day comes, set a time for it. You will find it harder to back down from asituation where you've promised yourself that you'll come out.
