The title is what a friend's mom told me the other day during a brief moment in which her son was not around. The conversation was in the context of meeting some of his friends (including me) for the first time. It started as just the regular "he has said so much about his friends here" conversation... but she emphasized that he has especially said much about me and then that he enjoys my company and is very fond of me... I had assumed this friend to be straight (not that I wouldn't have any interest, that's one reason I'm now so intrigued in this), so at the time did not take it to mean much. I just assumed that being "fond" of me meant he respected me. I also blew it off in a sort of way to try to make whole situation less awkward; he seemed a bit embarrassed when he heard that his mom had said anything of what he told her. I looked up the definition later to find "fond" to be a bit more descriptive than I imagined... from dictionary.com: "having a liking or affection for", "loving; affectionate", "excessive tender or overindulgent", "cherished with strong or unreasoning feeling" My question: what would you make of this situation? An important note: both my friend and his mom are very foreign and their culture and religion are traditionally (and decidedly) homophobic. For this reason alone I would think "fond" even though it seems descriptive to me could very well describe an everyday male-male relationship to them for all I know.
Has he had girlfriends? Have you ever asked him if he's gay? Using dictionary.com as a reference point to determine whether someone likes you isn't a great place to start... besides, some cultures are more affectionate than others. What is his culture?
But the dictionary is the closest you can get to the absolute truth so thus is a perfect place to answer life's questions; to use any other reference only sacrifices accuracy! haha, no, it's just that I'm not the best with vocabulary and would otherwise go a long time assuming a word means one thing (based on context clues and my own feeling on it) only to find out it means something else. Ok I'll answer the basics: I do not know of any girlfriends he has had, but where he's from I think girls and guys are sort of segregated throughout much of their life... he's also very shy and came as an international student into college here. He has never really talked about girls. He has never said he was gay although I've never directly asked him. He has shown a some distaste towards gays (once when we told him someone in a class was gay - btw that's when we found out he holds a hopelessly bad gaydar worse than my own). His distaste also has shown in any gesture that could be considered gay - he has one word for anything of the sort: "weird". Although once was particularly interested in my views on gay marriage.
If it really bothers you I would suggest talking to him about it. You don't have to bring up you yourself being gay if he doesn't already know and if you aren't comfortable telling him but you should question him a little bit about what his mom truely meant by being fond. Sometimes parents will just say things like that to friends of their children to try and help the children open up to the friends more about issues that they know they will never really hear about. And sometimes they say the stuff without thining of the exact words they are saying. Basically ask him about what his mother meant by "fond" and if you really want to press the issue ask him about any girls he might be interested in or even if he was interested in guys.
I wouldn't read much into it. 'Very fond of' doesn't always mean attraction. It probably just means he thinks your a really great friend. Moreso because you said they are 'foreign' gives me the impression they wouldn't know the true (dictionary) meaning of the word.
Yes, just what I was thinking. His mom is an English teacher though, so that made me think she would be fairly mindful in her wording. But differences in meanings can still exist. I was thinking this, since it has been on my mind I want to say something and clarification is the most appropriate place to start. But I was thinking to ask his mom for clarification (if I get the chance) I think I will see her once before she leaves. Who would you recommend to talk about clarification, his mom or him?
Well, not 'everyone' chooses their words carefully. Personally i do (such as when i was in a r/s, i didn't make reference to the fact it wasn't with a girl, but i made it so it'd be obvious if the person thought about it for long enough) Speak to him. If there is more to it than just friends, keep in mind he might not be ready to come out to you (or anyone). Also keep in mind that pushing the issue might ruin the friendship..... Also might help if we knew the ages you both are....
I wouldn't jump to conclusions. Who knows maybe he is gay, but I don't think this can be taken as evidence. To me, the word fond can also be used for just friends.... at least, I can imagine my mother maybe saying stuff like that. And especially if they're from another country who knows what she meant by the word exactly.
We're both 21. To answer an earlier question, he is from, (what he described as a fairly liberal) part of Saudi Arabia. He came to the US when he was 18. I realize the trigger here does seem relatively insignificant. Jumping to conclusions is not a good way to go, but... I think regret can be pretty bad too. I certainly don't want to hurt the friendship or make him uncomfortable over something meaningless. However, I still find myself curious enough to bring it up - in part because coming out is something I want to do myself over the next year or so. Maybe, whether he's straight or not, I will find out his own opinions of gays. I think that's important enough to know even if we remain friends as we are now. Maybe if he is straight and has some prejudices I can offer an example of a gay that is alright XD My next question is simple: Any advice on how to bring this up? He's very shy but also honest and agreeable.
I'm still thinking he's straight. Personally i think you should come out to him. If he's straight and very fond of you, he wont care. But if he's struggling with his own sexuality, it'd help him knowing your gay.
As to bringing it up, sure, but when you're ready and when you think the time is right. Perhaps if any of your conversations lead around the topic, you can ask him about it. Unless you think you can come out to him at a time: that's the other way of getting his view on things. Most importantly, be prepared for any conclusion with him. He may, he may not, it's hard to predetermine these things, even if we're pretty damn sure. Just be careful with the way you bring it up.
Maybe his mom is one of those old-timey English teachers that says things like, "My son is so very fond of you." "Would you care for a snack? These grapefruits are quite divine." Or any sentence beginning with the word "why," as in "Why, hello there!"
What would I make of it? Not a thing. It's second-hand information, and doesn't seem that promising on top of that. I'd say he likes you as a friend unless you have something else to go on. Lex
Yes! Exactly. This is a perfect opportunity for you! If you have proof that he is "fond" of you, (which at the very least means he likes being friends with you,) then that means he will probably be more inclined to listen to you. And hey, like SAGUY said, it could help him out, too.
I have not seen him since this. He said he's been spending a lot of time with his mom, which is understandable because he only seldom gets to see her. After thinking of it more, I am not a fan of going to him and saying anything about the 'fond' situation. I just wouldn't know how to bring it up without it being completely awkward and then if I tell him I'm gay, that has the potential to freak him out. I was thinking of clarifying with his mom if anything but it seems it isn't the right route since noone else here has acknowledged it. To not hide anything, I still sort of wish he was gay XD. But in the case of him possibly being gay, I don't feel comfortable pushing the issue, or at least I don't know how to do it right (if that makes any sense). The homophobia around him during his upbringing is unfortunate because otherwise he's an incredibly agreeable and tolerant person. Also very shy. If, by some small chance, he is struggling with his sexuality I will be there as a friend, for sure. After all, I don't have much else concrete to go on that would mean anything in if he's gay or not. It's only appropriate to go by much of the advice here to not make anything of it. As far as coming out to him goes, it does help to know he's even told his mom that I'm a good friend. Completely separate from this situation, I've sort of decided to come out to someone else soon. Maybe with momentum from that I'll tell him but honestly my "guy friends" have always been in a tier that I had not planned to come out to for some time still...
